Category Archives: parenting

parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: Surviving Move-In Day

 

college move in day
Photo courtesy of University Parent

Originally published in the University Parent Guide to Supporting Your Student’s Freshman Year

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Emotions run high on college move-in day. Parents anticipate letting go of the child they’ve spent 18 years protecting; students are excited but also nervous and self-conscious. All these emotions — yours and theirs — require patience on your part. As move-in day approaches, knowing what to expect should help you and your student survive with minimal fall-out.

Arrive prepared
Arrive early (get a good parking spot!) and prepared for the day. Bring the necessary equipment: dollies for heavy items, cleaning supplies, and comfortable shoes and clothing (it’s going to be a long day). Label boxes when packing to facilitate unpacking. Be prepared to navigate steps and carry heavy objects. Don’t count on elevators being available — everyone else will be using them, too.

Do your research before you arrive on campus, and make a list of required tasks: a trip to the bookstore, a stop at the Financial Aid or Student Accounting Office, a visit to a bank to open an account. Leave time for shopping but don’t overdo it — your student won’t need every single dorm furnishing item the first day or even week of school.

Take a step back
Allow your student to take the lead. When checking into the dorm, let her do the talking while you stand by to help if necessary. The sooner your student takes ownership of even mundane aspects of the college experience, the better. Let it start from the moment you arrive on campus.

To read the rest of my article, follow this link to University Parent’s website: Surviving College Move-In Day

And to snag yourself (or a friend) a copy of the University Parent Guide to Supporting your Student’s Freshman Year, use this coupon code at checkout (2DISCFRD) for a “Friends and Family Discount” — 60% off the regular price dropping it to $7.22. The code expires September 1st.

careers, parenting

Helping Your Child Choose the Right Degree

 

degree
Image by Kevin Dooley,

It’s an important time when your child is just about to finish high school and is working out where he or she would like to go next. You want to let him or her make their own decisions and follow their heart, but you also want to ensure he or she is making the best decisions for future life and career. For example, when looking at degrees to study, maybe you want her to choose the chemical engineering degree, but she wants to complete an arts degree. It’s a real minefield: deciding whether to interfere or to let her make her own decisions unaided to choose the right degree.

You Know Your Child

You’ve seen him or her grow up, you’ve watched them play with other children and develop into the young adult they are today. You know them inside out, probably better than they know themselves. Children do value their parents’ opinions, even if they won’t show it. You’re allowed to help.

 Find Resources

You can give your child the resources they need to think through their own decision making. Send them links to quizzes online which ask them about their interests and suggests routes for them based on their answers. Find websites aimed at school leavers which outline career paths and which courses are needed to get to where they want to go. And then let them soak up the information themselves.

Go With Them

Take your child to university open days, trial study days, and guided tours. You can walk around with them, let them soak up the atmosphere and imagine what attending these places might be like. There will be talks about courses so your child can learn what their chosen course will be like, along with taster sessions.

Help Them Find Opportunities

If your child still isn’t certain, take a top-down approach: find out what career areas interest them, and then work out how they can get there. There are many work experience and internship opportunities available: even a couple of weeks in a role will give them a taste for whether they would enjoy a career in a certain sector. Do you have any friends who could offer them work experience or shadowing opportunities for a couple of weeks over the summer?

Ask Them Questions

Sometimes it’s helpful just to sit down with your child and talk. Ask them what makes them tick, what gets them excited about life, and where they see themselves in ten or twenty years? Bring along a pen and paper and make notes or draw a mind map: this is a great opportunity to be supportive and help them find a direction without forcing them where you think they shouldgo.

Support Them

It might be that your child wants to study a subject, and you don’t agree that this is the best decision for them. It’s okay to tell them how you feel, but ensure you’re thinking of their best interests: it is as important for them to study a subject about which they feel passionate, as it is important for them to study a subject with excellent career prospects.

Most of all: good luck to your child on their future career. With some guidance, they will make a decision which suits them and brings them to the place they want to go, wherever that is.

 

 

college guidance, mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: How Early is Too Early to Prepare for College?

 

prepare for collegeHow early is too early to prepare for college? We’ve all seen those movie clips where the parents are agonizing over the right preschool to prepare their kids for the right kindergarten, the right grade school, and the right college preparatory school. These overachieving parents are convinced that college prep begins at birth. They take it to a whole other level elevating college jerseys into full blown college prep. But just how early is too early and how far should parents go when preparing their children for college?

With competition for college admission becoming stronger, parents are recognizing the need to begin college prep early. That doesn’t mean that you start drilling college into your toddler’s head (although some parents have been known to do this). It does mean that you begin a foundation for their education that will carry them into high school and eventually into college.

Looking at the three phases of education (elementary school, middle school and high school), what should parents do to prepare their students for college?

Elementary School

When discussing college prep, most of the discussions start in middle school and the steps begin when a student is in high school. But for a student to be truly prepared for college, parents should begin talking about it, thinking about it, and discussing it as early as elementary school.

Start talking about the value of education

Begin talking about the importance of education when your child enters kindergarten. The first seven years of education are filled with learning fundamental skills and gaining knowledge. This is the foundation of all future education. If your child loves school, excels in school, and is motivated to study and achieve excellence, the logical progression will be to continue their education by going to college.

Start talking about college

The opportunities that a college education provides can be relayed to your children during the early years of education.

For example, if your child is interested in dinosaurs, parents should talk about how people that research and recover dinosaur bones had to go to college first to learn how it’s done. Or if he is interested in space, discuss how scientists and astronauts go to college to learn the skills they need to work in that field. A child’s enthusiasms are the perfect opportunities to start a discussion about how college is key to pursuing and following those interests.

Your student might also be interested in pursuing an education online, like this online BSW (Bachelor of Social Work) offered by Spring Arbor University. There are many opportunities available for your student to pursue a Bachelor’s degree online.

Visit colleges with the family

Visiting college isn’t just for teenagers. Many universities provide campus tours and visiting days when a staff member will guide a grade school class, or other group of children, around the campus and explain the unique and exciting things they can do when they grow up and go to college. Parents can also schedule outings with their children to the college or university from which they graduated. The important thing is to make college sound interesting, exciting and accessible.

Read more college prep tips from TeenLife for middle school and high school students

parenting

Motivation for Students Starts at Home

 

helping without harmingAfter finishing high school, which means the end of the obligatory studies, some students struggle to maintain a positive attitude towards learning, especially if they have found a job offer. If you were to ask them, “what do you prefer,money now or money in 10 years,” you’d find out how some of them are so impatient that they prefer the money now, even if it’s a smaller amount. That’s why us, parents, have to be there to motivate them to go to college or to study an occupation and in that way in which they don’t believe it’s only a mandatory thing imposed by adults. In this post we’ll see how to motivate our kids from an early age to always choose to study:

The family is the environment in which our child’s education begins, and also the main model of values and behaviors that guides the cognitive and affective student’s future development. Here’s where parents have the opportunity to get that their children enjoy learning.

Everything should start by educating by an example to follow. Parents who show interest and enthusiasm for their child’s learning tasks and express their curiosity to learn new skills convey this attitude to the student naturally. Several researches say that parental behavior can influence the motivation or demotivate their children to learn, so it’s important too to adopt this disposition in leisure time: parents should teach their kid from an early age to look for the answer to questions, to participate in activities with enthusiasm and to get satisfaction when they get significant achievements in life.

Family should also encourage and appreciate this effort over the results; if we want our child to be motivated in its tasks, they need to suit its capabilities and to increase the difficulty as the student gains new skills cause otherwise, if he’s always required to do the activities he doesn’t understand yet, it’s easy that he feels frustrated and demotivated if he sees his efforts were not worth it. In these cases, it’s necessary to teach him to overcome his problems through perseverance and constant work and to be confident in his skills.

Now, regarding formal education, parents can also influence their children’s motivation by helping them with homework, in order to teach them to deal with problems and to have a good relationship with their teachers. If parents and children share objectives and strategies, the interest of the children to learn will always win.

Guest Posts, parenting, substance abuse

Mom-Approved Tips: Talking to Your Student About Drinking in College

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If you have a college-bound teen, you are more than likely concerned about drinking in college. Today’s guest post is from Susan Jones of Quad2Quad, the award-winning mobile app for college visits. For more than three decades, she was a psychotherapist in Washington D.C. specializing in substance abuse, and she spent ten years with Dunbar Educational Consultants counseling students and families on the college admission process. Most importantly, Susan is the mother of two grown sons who successfully navigated the college alcohol culture and had enjoyable and productive experiences, emerging as solid citizens with no regrets.

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drinking in collegeAs parents, we can and should play a key role in helping our sons and daughters create a healthy, thoughtful relationship with alcohol in college. This important responsibility can’t be outsourced. Our students cannot count on their peers, who are also living in a culture where moderation is not valued, for perspective.

Because binge drinking is common in college — though it is not the norm — students assume it must be okay and safe for them as well. They expect to pass through this portal unharmed. That will absolutely not be the case for many students. Parents need to help students figure out if they are “vulnerable current or potential problem drinkers“(VPDs) and advise them accordingly. Be prepared for the discovery that your student may not be able to drink in college. The combination of youth along with a student’s unique genetic response to alcohol may make the college alcohol environment too dangerous. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. The earlier problem drinking begins, the greater the likelihood of future addiction.

The 1st critical conversation to have before your student leaves for college:

Be sure your student understands that alcohol affects everyone differently. If she wants to emerge from college ever able to drink normally, she needs to be alert to signs of problem drinking in college. Because “everyone else is doing it” does not mean it will be safe for her.  If at any point she becomes worried about her relationship with alcohol, tell her to let you know and you will help her figure out how to get advice and support, or she can go directly to student health services.

The 2nd critical conversation for parents to have with students after first semester and throughout college as needed:

Ask your student very directly: What kind of effect does alcohol have on you? Are you feeling comfortable about your alcohol use? Have you gotten into any compromising situations because of it that you regret?

How do I know if my student is a “Vulnerable Problem Drinker” (VPD)?

Here are some risk factors:

  • A family history of alcoholism
  • Acquiring a taste for alcohol early (high school or before)
  • Being impulsive or capable of poor judgment in social or academic situations independent of alcohol; may be a disinterested or struggling student
  • Having a high capacity for drinking large amounts of alcohol without adverse physical reactions, triggering a taste for large amounts of alcohol
  • Or being very reactive to alcohol and prone to sickness, blackouts or irresponsible behavior after even one or two drinks
  • Being disinterested in drinking in moderation.

 What should I do if I believe my student is a VPD?

  • Don’t assume the problem will get better by itself, or imagine it’s “just a phase” your student will outgrow.
  • In a similar vein, do not allow your student to take blackouts or risky sexual behavior lightly. These behaviors are not healthy or acceptable. Refer your student to a mental health professional at school.
  • Make sure she gets actively involved with the alcohol recovery community on campus. Be extremely encouraging about this. When she’s home for vacations, steer her towards a local recovery group.
  • Greek membership is not to blame for the misbehavior of its members, but your student’s housing and social affiliations are going to play a big role in how much and how safely she drinks. Discourage membership in a fraternity or sorority unless your student can investigate the alcohol culture to see if there is ample opportunity for participating in divergent drinking styles.
  • If your student continues to exhibit problem behavior, it may be time to consider a semester off along with outpatient or inpatient rehab.
parenting, Uncategorized

The Empty Nest: Should You Redecorate?

 

redecorateSome parents may mentally throw a party when their child goes off to college, while others may feel their home will be empty without the noise, mess and general frenzy that teenagers bring to a house and wish they were not going to college at all.

To decorate or not to decorate?

Many parents may believe that they need to keep their child’s bedroom the same and always available for when they return, while others may rub their hands together in glee at the thought of having a reclaimed space to play with. It may be best for parents to leave the room untouched for a little while, perhaps a few semesters, to see how often the child returns to the family home, and whether when they do, they need their own room to sleep in.

What to do with what is left behind

The child will not have been able to take all their stuff with them to college, so when it is time to redecorate, it goes without saying that there will be a fair amount of furniture and accessories that will need to be stored or repurposed. With the child’s permission, check through the room’s contents, throwing out anything that is broken, and give to charity anything, such as toys, that they have grown out of.

Different uses for the spare room

A vacated bedroom offers parents the chance to reclaim a bit of their home for themselves. Hobbies that were carried out in awkward places now have the chance to spread out. Wives who want their husbands out from under their feet can suggest that the child’s bedroom becomes a room solely for masculine use, perhaps being turned into a home cinema room complete with blackout drapes and a comfortable recliner chair; a home gym fitted out with wall-length mirrors and equipment, complemented by light, stimulating wall colors; or even a games room, with pinball machines and a football table.

A mother could have that arts and crafts room she always wanted, complete with a worktable and shelves or storage units full of beads, ribbons and other haberdashery. More prosaically, it could become a room where all the laundry is sorted and ironing could be carried out, rather than have it spilling over into the downstairs reception rooms. Of course, the room could serve both parents if it were transformed into a home study with computer desk and chair, a small select library with long and high bookcases, or even a meditation room with low lighting and minimalist decoration.

Remember they come back

It is a good idea that despite whatever type of room the space is turned into, it serves a dual purpose and can become a bedroom once again, however impromptu and impermanent it may be. An excellent way to achieve this is to have a sofa bed in the room, which will not only provide a place to sit during the day, but will turn into a bed on those occasions when the child returns home and needs a place to sleep.

Guest Posts, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: Knowing the Warning Signs of Cough Medicine Abuse

 

Years ago, I worked for the local school district creating drug awareness materials for Red Ribbon Week. I was shocked as a parent to discover that some teens will do just about anything to get high. From huffing paint, to taking ritalin, to abusing cough medicine. Today’s guest post is from Tammy Walsh, a high school math teacher with a passion for helping to educate teens on the dangers of substance abuse and a mother of two boys. She contributes to The Five Moms blog at stopmedicineabuse.org. Being passionate about this topic myself, I was happy to give her an opportunity to share her advice.

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cough medicine abuse
Photo from stopmedicineabuse.org

As your teen relaxes and enjoys some much needed time away from academia this summer, it’s important to keep in mind that this increased free/unsupervised time can also increase the likelihood of your teen engaging in risky activities. Underage drinking and smoking is at the forefront of parents’ minds when they think about what drugs teens are choosing to experiment with, but cough medicine abuse is usually not on the typical parent’s radar. Unfortunately, it should be. One out of 25 teens reports abusing over-the-counter (OTC) cough medicine to get high. Perhaps even more alarming, roughly one out of three teenagers knows someone who has abused cough medicine to get high.

As a parent, it’s overwhelming to think about looking out for yet another dangerous activity your teen may be engaging in, but we aren’t hopeless. The first step to combating teen cough medicine abuse is to familiarize yourself with the warning signs.

Signs of abuse of OTC cough medicine include:

  • Empty cough medicine boxes or bottles in the trash of your teen’s room, car, backpack or school locker
  • Your teen’s purchase or use of large amounts of cough medicine when he or she isn’t sick
  • Missing boxes or bottles of medicine from home medicine cabinets
  • Hearing your teen use certain slang terms for DXM abuse, such as skittles, skittling, tussin, robo-tripping, robo, CCC, triple Cs, dexing and DXM
  • Noticing that your teen has visited pro-drug websites that provide information on how to abuse DXM
  • Unusual internet orders, the arrival of unexpected packages, or unexplained payments for a credit card or PayPal account
  • Changes in your teen’s friends, physical appearance, sleeping or eating patterns
  • Declining grades
  • Your teen’s loss of interest in his or her hobbies or favorite activities
  • A hostile and uncooperative attitude
  • Unexplained disappearance of household money

Unusual chemical or medicinal smells on your teen or in his or her room. While some of these warning signs may appear to be normal, angsty teenage behavior, be sure to follow your natural instincts, trust your gut and directly address the situation if you suspect that your teen may be abusing medicine.

Visit stopmedicineabuse.org to learn more about cough medicine abuse and how to start the conversation about drug abuse with your teen.

 

mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: Coping with the Empty Nest

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empty nest

During our student’s senior year of high school we live in a bubble. All sights are set on one goal—getting into college. Students and parents focus on college selection, college applications, financial aid forms, and then we wait. We wait for the offers of admission to come pouring in and then we compare financial aid packages and help them pack their bags for college.

But wait. Is it really that simple? Hardly. Most parents would say it’s anything but simple; it takes work, commitment and perseverance on both parts—parents and students.

Now that your student has graduated, the reality of the truth hits you—your son or daughter is leaving for college. Are they ready? How will they ever survive on their own? How will you survive and cope with the void that’s there when they are gone? Will they be safe? So many questions and concerns are rolling around in your head.

From one parent to another, survival depends on knowing what to expect, what to look for, and how to respond to your student. Here are 5 tips that should help cope with the empty nest:

1. Give yourself time to grieve (then move on)

It probably seems like yesterday that you were bringing your baby boy or girl home from the hospital and now they are preparing to go away for college. Although you always knew that this day would come and you are so proud of their accomplishments thus far, if you are really honest with yourself, there is a part of you that is also dreading it.

For this reason, there’s a pretty good chance that you will experience some separation anxiety, not unlike grief, when your child leaves the nest–often called “empty nest” syndrome. It’s normal for most parents and so while it’s nothing to panic over (or feel embarrassed about), you should give yourself some time to grieve and then move on with your life.

2. Don’t give in to fear

Boy how things have changed since we went to school in the 70’s and 80’s. They’ve even changed since my kids went in the 90’s and 2000’s. It’s a scary world out there and you would be crazy not to be anxious when your kids leave your care every day. But don’t let them see it; they need to feel safe and secure at school. Even though we know they are at risk, we have to trust that the teachers, staff, and administration will do their utmost to assure their safety.

3. Stay in touch (in moderation)

Before your son or daughter leaves for college make plans to stay in touch. Schedule time to communicate and discuss how often you need to hear from them. Don’t be that parent who tapped into campus security cameras so he could follow his daughter’s every move. Give your child some freedom to socialize, study and explore their surroundings. A text every day, a phone call every week, and face time once a month should be enough to help both of you feel connected.

4. Practice tough love

Don’t rescue them from every difficult situation. You know the term–helicopter parenting. It’s important for them to make messes, get hurt, feel disappointment, and even fail at tasks. This helps them develop life skills, achieve happiness, and be successful–the things we so desperately want to give them. Isn’t that what tough love is all about? Love your children so much you set rules, provide clear expectations, and allow them to fail so they can learn.

5. Watch the money

Money will burn a hole in your kid’s pocket. Before they leave for college have a clear understanding of what you plan to contribute toward living expenses and what you expect him to contribute. Explain the difference between wants and needs. Today’s kids are accustomed to instant gratification; but saving for something teaches them that just because they want something, it doesn’t mean they need it. When they are away at college, this will be the first question they ask themselves before pulling out an easily obtained credit card.

parenting, websites

5 Simple Rules for College Parents: A Mini-Course

1 Comment

 

Today’s college parents are NOW first responders BUT most parents don’t know how to respond!  Harlan Cohen, New York Times bestselling author of The Naked Roommate and The Naked Roommate For Parents Only is an expert at coaching students and parents about the unexpected and often uncomfortable aspects of college life.

I first came in contact with Harlan when he asked me to review his books and fell in love with the information they provided. I’ve recommended the books to parents and students alike because I feel they offer some of the best and most practical advice about college life.

In response to an overwhelming demand for extra help from parents, Harlan created a free mini-course to help parents prepare for the first year in college: 5 Simple Rules For College Parents. The course alleviates stress and helps parents guide their children through this wildly emotional time of transition. All 5 simple rules last about 10 minutes each, or you can watch the entire mini-course for a little over 45 minutes. Harlan’s down to earth way of getting down to the basics of emotions and offering easy to apply tactics makes this mini-course an excellent resource for parents with college-bound teens.

Watch this simple video for an explanation of the course, then follow the link below to signup. Once you sign up you get a password to access the videos; and it’s absolutely FREE!

 

Sign up for this free mini-course here: 5 Simple Rules for College Parents

 

book reviews, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: Supporting Your College Freshman

 

college freshmanWhether you have a high school graduate heading to college in the fall, or you are working toward that eventual inevitability in the future, you need information about college life and how to support your new college freshman.

University Parent, as it has done in the past, recognized the need that parents have when their student’s head off to college. Knowing how frustrating it can be for parents with questions, concerns and generally uneasiness, they brought experts together to create the University Parent Guide to Supporting your Student’s Freshman Year. You could also call it the “everything you need to know but didn’t know where to ask” guide for parents.

Why create this guide?

Sarah Schupp, University Parent’s Founder and CEO, wanted to sort through issues of parenting college students and created this helpful go-to guide to make parenting afar easier. According to Ms. Schupp, “Studies consistently show that students with engaged parents have far better college outcomes than those that don’t or than those with overly-involved parents. There is a delicate balance between acting as a coach and acting in place of the student.”

Realizing that most parents questions are universal, University Parent published this guide to help parents best support their son or daughter.

What’s in the guide?

The guide is divided into time segments throughout your student’s first year of college: summer, early fall, late fall, and spring. Each division provides parents with all the information they need help their student through each segment of the first year of college.

The summer segment (Get Ready), deals with topics related to the changes you will face as your role changes, what to expect at orientation, roommates, budgeting, and campus culture. The fall segment (Settling In), discusses topics like move-in day, greek life, parent visits, and how to deal with struggling students. The late fall segment (Adjusting), deals with care packages, holidays, diet and exercise, and studying abroad. The spring segment (Looking Forward), talks about sophomore topics like housing, student stress, transferring and student loans. The final chapter gives you areas to write down phone numbers, important dates and a typical 4-year checklist.

Why do I recommend this guide?

I can’t tell you the number of parents who have asked me questions about the first year of college, especially dealing with these specific topics. If you know what to expect and how to plan, the first year will go much more smoothly. This guide gives parents all the information they need in one simple, easy-to-read guide.

Even if your student isn’t going to college in the fall, this guide will help you prepare for that day. As always, I advise parents to be prepared; because preparation prevents panic.