Category Archives: parenting

college planning, mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before Junior Year of High School (10 Tips for Moms)

 

Your student’s junior year will begin in the fall. It’s time for you and your teen to sit down and evaluate goals to make sure you are on-track for the college application process. As you go back through all the grades, papers, awards and accomplishments you will be able to see your teen’s progress and that progress will encourage them to keep focused and keep their eye on the prize: graduation and college acceptance.

1. The Junior Year GPA

If your teen has been working hard, their GPA should show it. College admissions counselors will be looking hard at their GPA from their junior year. It’s an important year to show them that the grades are at the least consistent, and at the best rising from the previous year. Falling grades are an indicator of lack of focus and could hurt them down the road when their application is reviewed. This is a good time to schedule a meeting with your high school guidance counselor and discuss your teen’s progress, and verify that their courses are on-track for graduation and for the colleges under consideration.

2. Take the PSAT

This is the all-important PSAT year. Even if your teen took it last year as practice (and hopefully they did) they need to register again, because this is when it counts. This is the year that their scores will qualify them for the National Merit Scholarship program and scholarships. Follow the calendar deadlines and register EARLY. If they took the test last year review the answers that they missed and make sure they know why they missed it and take some time to study the correct answers.

3. Take SAT and ACT practice tests

Register for the SAT or ACT and spend this year doing some practice tests online and studying vocabulary. Cramming rarely helps, but studying over a period of time and preparation will help them approach the test with confidence and the knowledge they need to test well.

4. Preparing for the Essay

Research some college applications and look at the essay topics. Encourage your teen to start thinking about the essay and drafting some preliminary essays. The college essay can often push the admissions officer over the acceptance edge if it’s done well and is unique. Look through the past essays they have written in high school and see if any could be adapted for the college essay. The worst thing your teen can do is submit a misspelled, grammatically incorrect essay as part of their college application. Early preparation will assure time for proofing and re-writes.

5. Time for some college fairs and college visits

Junior year is a perfect time to begin attending those college fairs and visiting college campuses. Many schools allow for excused college visit days. Check with your high school registrar for specifics, because you might have to complete forms to get the absences excused. Collect business cards and contact information and keep track of them using a database program. These contacts will help later if you have a question regarding a specific school or need a personal contact during the admissions process.

6. Intensify the Scholarship Search

Junior year is the time to “hunker down” and get serious about those scholarship applications. As you get closer to senior year, you’ll find that many are age and grade specific. If you’ve done your homework, you’ll have a concise catalog of those scholarships ready for your application. If not, don’t panic. There’s still plenty of time to do some research and jump on the scholarship bandwagon. Remember that every scholarship you receive, no matter how small, is FREE money that you don’t have to pay back. Don’t forget to investigate private scholarships and school-specific scholarships to assure you apply by the specific deadlines.

7. Discuss Family Finances

Summer is a good time to have that money talk with your student. How will you pay for college? What do you expect your student to contribute? What can your family afford? This will help as they begin to finalize the college list and start applying to college early in the fall of senior year.

8. Review your high school progress

Look at the past two years to see if there are any gaps in your teen’s resume. Have your teen answer these questions:

  • Do you need to do some volunteer work?
  • Are you involved in some type of leadership capacity in at least one activity?
  • Do your courses and grades show their college level success?
  • Have you established a relationship with a member of the faculty and with your high school guidance counselor?
  • Are your extracurricular activities “all over the place” or are they focused?

It’s not too late to remedy any of these situations. Your teen still has time during their junior year to get involved, volunteer, get to know their teachers/counselor, and exhibit leadership.

9. Begin refining the college list

It’s time to get serious about the college list. This list will dictate your college visits during junior year and be the guidebook for all your research and financial questions. Do the research, gather all the data, and narrow the list down as your student approaches the end of their junior year.

10. Don’t overparent

If you feel yourself pushing or nagging, take a step back. Don’t fall into the “competition” trap that will begin when school starts. Parents will begin to brag and you might find yourself falling into that admissions game. Don’t do it. Your student needs to find the place that’s right for him, not the place that gives you the greatest bragging rights. Help him find that college and support his decision.

college planning, mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before Sophomore Year of High School (10 Tips for Moms)

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Not much advice is given for the sophomore year of high school. It’s almost as if it’s not an important year in high school. But it is. Every year in high school is important if your child wants to move on to higher education.

Your teen has jumped in and is now a “seasoned” high schooler. Hopefully you have both gotten use to the high school routine. Sophomore year brings your teen closer to their goal of attending college. It’s during the 10th grade that your teen will begin to take some baby steps toward realizing their goal of a  college education. The focus for this year should be: preliminary testing, looking at careers, delving deeper into the college search, and getting heavily involved in a few activities.

Here are 10 tips to help parents prepare for sophomore year:

1. Begin talking about life after high school

Is your student drawn to traditional college or more toward a technical education or even entrepreneurial endeavors? These are important discussions to have as your student proceeds through high school and on to graduation. Technical colleges like Penn College address both issues by providing hands on training and a liberal arts education. But if your student wants only the technical training which is often a shorter time frame, you should also explore these options as well. Just remember, however, that this is only a discussion. Your student may change his mind many times over the next few years; but be open to any possibility.

2. Do Preliminary Testing

This is the year to take the PSAT (preliminary SAT) and PLAN (preliminary ACT). Why take them so early? First of all, because it doesn’t count and it’s great practice; secondly, because it will give your teen an idea of their testing strengths and weaknesses while they still have time to make improvements.

The key to utilizing these early tests is for your teen to get the scores and the test booklet and review the questions to find out which ones were answered incorrectly. Don’t just take the test, file the scores, and cross that task off your list. The whole point of testing early is to utilize every resource available to help your teen achieve testing success. There is nothing more disappointing than receiving low test scores when your teen excels in academics in school. Testing is all about being relaxed and knowing what to expect. These preliminary tests will help alleviate the stress of the unknown and help your teen prepare for the ones that really matter.

3. Explore careers

By now, your teen should know what interests them in school. Are they drawn to the sciences? Or is drama their cup of tea? Do they excel in math? Or are they interested in literature? These interests will serve to guide your teen down the right career path. It would be useless to pursue a career in the medical field if science and math are your teen’s least favorite subjects. It would also be frivolous to head down an acting career path if your teen does not like being on stage in front of people. Analyze their interests and strengths to guide them in choosing the career that would best suit them and feed their passion.

4. Take personality and/or career inventory tests

You can start here: http://www.allthetests.com/career-tests-job-quizzes.php and search for other tests online. Most of them are FREE and can be used as a tool to further determine the direction your teen might be heading in the college/career search. Many schools have software and testing as well that they offer to their students to help them find the right match.

5. Attend career days

Many cities offer career days with speakers from various walks of life. Encourage your teen to attend these and ask questions. Find out where the speaker attended college and the types of classes he/she might recommend if your teen is interested in that career. There’s nothing more beneficial than speaking with an actual doctor, lawyer, engineer, actress, musician, teacher, fashion designer or entrepreneur.

6. Delve deeper into the college search

You’ve done some internet surfing, looked online at some colleges that might appeal to your teen, and done some preliminary reading. This is the year that you increase the depth of your college search. As you progress through the process and the research you should get closer to narrowing down the schools that best fit your teen.

7. Start making a preliminary list

This is your teen’s list of college possibilities. Every teen has their “dream” college. They may not voice it, or allow themselves to think about it, but most of them have that name sitting in the back of their mind. Once they begin to know what their interests are and what is important to them, the list will start to take shape.

8. Take some online college tours

You and your teen can take some virtual tours of college campuses, and even purchase DVD’s of specific colleges if you want more in-depth information. These preliminary tours will give you and your teen a feel for the campus and prepare you when summer comes along and you start visiting some campuses. These visits are extremely important, and I will go into greater detail during the junior year plan. However, getting an early jumpstart, especially with some colleges within driving distance, will help your teen get an indication of what to expect when the tours become more focused as you begin to narrow down the final college choices.

9. Get heavily involved in a few activities

Admissions counselors have antenna for students that “pad” their high school resumes. These are the ones that dabble in a little of everything but never get involved in depth. While it’s important to try many different activities during high school, it is also important to settle on the few that interest you and stick with them. The goal is to eventually take on leadership positions or an active role in the mechanics of the organization. Help your teen to find the one activity that interests them and stick with it throughout high school. My daughter got involved in NJROTC and eventually became an officer in the corps. She also joined the drill team and the academic team, showing a level of commitment and focus.

10. Don’t forget the scholarship applications

You should encourage your teen to continue applying for scholarships. This task becomes more important during the next few years because many scholarships have age requirements and restrictions. Stay on top of the application deadlines and don’t get the “sophomore slacker” attitude. Your teen is headed into the home stretch and junior year is looming on the horizon.

Holidays, parenting

The Freedom to Choose

freedom

Today is Independence Day and along with all the fireworks, barbecues and festivities, we should always reflect on the meaning of freedom. Our college bound teens would tell us that freedom means they don’t have to be under the constant supervision of parents when they leave for college. Our upcoming seniors would say freedom means they have the right to choose the college they apply to and attend.

While the freedom to choose is at the center of our independence, we are also responsible for those choices and the consequences they might bring on ourselves and others.  That’s why it is extremely important that parents explain the consequences of a wrong college choice. What constitutes a wrong college choice:

  • Choosing a college that you simply cannot afford causing you to incur too much student loan debt
  • Choosing a college that you really know nothing about based on the choices of your friends
  • Choosing a college because it’s far away from home or close to home without investigating other factors like graduation rate, course availability and student population
  • Choosing a college because your boyfriend and/or girlfriend is going there and you don’t want to be separated
  • Choosing a college that does not match your social interests (i. e. a college that everyone goes home on the weekends, or a college with a predominant Greek life culture that doesn’t interest you)
  • Choosing a college because someone else has chosen it for you (parents, friends, teachers)

As you can see, all of these choices will result in an unhappy student who will most likely drop out freshman year and result in a large monetary loss as well as student loan debt that will have to be repaid. Teach your teens who crave for the freedom of choice that along with it comes the responsibility of making that choice. Choose wisely after you have all the facts.

Happy Independence Day! Enjoy your family and your freedom!

mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before Freshman Year of High School (10 Tips for Moms)

 

freshman yearThe summer is a good time for you to have a conversation with your future high school student. Sit down and have a discussion about the value of an education, how you see your role as a parent, some basic expectations, courses your student will take, the value of a good reputation, good citizenship and work ethic. This conversation will make the next four years easier because your teen will understand your expectations and start the year off with a good plan.

Your young teenager is preparing to embark on a high school education as freshman year approaches. In their mind, they are entering the first phase of adulthood. In your mind, they are still children and those feelings that you are “losing them” begin to creep in. High school means that you will be less visible as a parent, but it does not mean you are to be uninvolved. In fact, you will be even more involved behind the scenes as a parent coach.

Here are 10 tips to help you start your teen’s high school years off right:

  1. Make a visit to your teen’s counselor– Do this at the beginning freshman year. Let the counselor know that you intend to be an involved parent and establish a relationship at the start. The counselor is an important source of information and of course guidance regarding your teen’s college pursuit.
  2. Establish relationships with teachers and staff– Since most parents tend to drop out when their teen reaches high school, it’s crucial that you make it clear to the educators that you will be a partner in educating your child. Keep in touch and verify your teen’s progress via email if it’s available and attend any teacher conferences or parent meetings that are scheduled. Show up at PTA meetings and parent information sessions, making you visible to the staff.
  3. Read all school information– Once you have stressed to your teen the importance of ensuring that ALL information gets home to you, you must take the time to READ it. This means reading the school handbook, teacher handouts, letters to parents, guidance department newsletters, any rules and policies, and homework and attendance rules. Discuss these with your teen to alleviate any future misunderstandings that might arise over failing to follow school guidelines.
  4. Stress the importance of good attendance– Attendance is key in high school. Missing even one class can put the student behind. Schedule appointments, when possible, before and after school. If there is an absence, make sure your teen does the make up work in a timely manner. If the absence will be for an extensive period of time, coordinate with the teachers to assure the makeup work is completed.
  5. Encourage strong study habits– These habits will follow your teen to college. Set aside a regularly scheduled study time. Studying needs to be a priority before any added activities. GPA rules in the college admission process and good study habits will assure your teen enters the process with an impressive one. Don’t allow your teen to procrastinate and go into overdrive because they waited until the last minute to complete a project.
  6. Stress regular contact with teachers and counselors-This contact will play an important role when your teen needs recommendation letters. It will also establish in the minds of these educators that he or she means business. They will see that your teen is there to learn and excel and ask questions. Those students are the ones that are recommended for leadership positions and academic awards. It can be something as simple as saying hello in the hallway or using the counselor’s office to research scholarships.
  7. Be the organization coach– My mantra for high school was: Preparation Prevents Panic. If you know where everything is, have a schedule and a plan, you won’t get stressed and frustrated. Sometimes the only filing system a teen has is their floor. It’s your job as their parent coach to help them start and maintain good organization for their date planners, notebooks, folders, files and college related materials.
  8. Stay informed and involved– This does not mean camp out at the school every day and follow your teen around (although that is tempting). It means monitoring quizzes, grades, daily homework assignments and long-term projects. If you begin to notice any problems, schedule an appointment with the teacher and work out a plan for tutoring if it’s necessary. Don’t wait for the report card to lower the boom. If you stay proactive and informed, you and your teen will be able to fix any problems before they become catastrophes.
  9. Know your teen’s friends (and their parents)– Your teen’s out of school activities will always affect in-class behavior. In high school, it’s as much about social activity as it is about academic success. Assuring that your teen’s friends share the same values and goals will make a difference in their focus in and out of school. Encourage them to make friends that have college as a goal and have the same study habits. Take the time to meet and get to know your teen’s friends parents. Make sure they share your values and understand your position on smoking, drinking and drugs.
  10. Be proactive when you encounter problems– All types of problems arise in high school: academic, behavioral and even social. There is a logical solution for all of them, but the key is to be aware when they arise and address them quickly. Academic problems require additional teacher help, tutoring, and possibly study skill courses. If you encounter behavioral problems contact the school counselor or principal and discuss with them recommendations for the particular situation. Coaches can often help, along with a mentor. Sometimes professional counseling is warranted. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. And don’t make the mistake of turning your head and going into denial. Problems only get worse if they are ignored, especially in high school.

Don’t assume that this will be an easy transition for either of you. It’s another milestone in your student’s life and yours as well.

admissions, mom approved tips, organization, parenting

The Summer Before Senior Year of High School (10 Tips for Moms)

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seniorIf your life isn’t crazy enough right now, it’s about to get even crazier. Once your child becomes a high school senior, your time is not your own. Anything and everything is focused on college. Your family (not just your teen) will eat, drink and sleep all things college. Before the year ends you will wonder how you will survive mentally, physically and emotionally. It will be a rollercoaster of highs and lows for both you and your college-bound teen.

We entered the beginning of my daughter’s senior year with anticipation and halfway through I began to think we would never survive. By the time she walked across the stage at graduation we were both exhausted. Senior year begins with a slow pace and amps up in January, culminating in a feverous pitch in April and May.

Here are some tips to help you keep your sanity and navigate the college maze productively.

1. Do the prep work

Get ready for the mounds of catalogs, test prep booklets, flyers and email reminders. Start your filing system now, before school starts. Set up an email account (firstname_lastname@gmail.com), purchase a small thumb drive for filing computer files, create a landing zone for all college-related materials, start adding tasks on a calendar (either a wall calendar or an app that can be synchronized with the family. Here are 5 Free Apps for College-Prep Organization.

2. Do your best to control your emotions

It’s going to be an emotional time for both you and your student. Angry words will be spoken if you don’t make a conscious effort to bite your tongue, count to 10, and take a deep breathe. You are the parent and your teen needs emotional stability during this time, not an emotional basket case.

3. Prepare for rejection

The upcoming year will most likely mean that your student (and you) will have to deal with rejection. It’s not personal, but you will feel like it is. I know it’s tempting to spew platitudes like, “Everything happens for a reason”, or “I know how you feel”, or “They didn’t appreciate you.” But the reality is, all the platitudes in the world aren’t going to remove the disappointment. Once the dust has settled, however, it might be good to offer some words of wisdom from those “in the know” about the college admissions process: The Truth About College Rejection Letters.

4. Decide what role you will take

Please. I beg you. Do NOT be the parent that shoves, manipulates, and actually does the work for their student. Be the parent who encourages, supports and offers help and advice when needed. Be a coach, not a bully. Decide before things ever get crazy to let your teen OWN the process, or “drive the car” as one admissions officer often told me.

5. Prepare for emotional outbursts

This is one of the most stressful times in your family. There will be emotional outbursts as the stress intensifies. Your student will say things she does not mean. You will lose your temper and wish you didn’t. Just remember that most of what is said is fueled by the stress of the process and when it’s all over everyone will breathe a sigh of relief, hug and move on.

6. Discuss the money

If you want to avoid disappointment when offers of admission arrive, have the “money talk” before your student applies to colleges. Decide what you can afford, what you will be willing to contribute toward the costs, and what you expect your student to contribute.

7. Accept there will be consequences to actions

Your student will most likely fail or mess up at some point during senior year. When she goest to college, your student will have to fix her own problems. Let her do it now, while she lives at home, and it will be easier for her once she is gone. Rescuing your kids all the time only makes them into dependent adults and colleges aren’t impressed with those type of students or the parents that come with them.

8. Be open and not pragmatic

Be open to any college choices your student might make. You will not be the one attending the college and it’s not up to you to choose for her. You can give your advice and direct her in what you think would be the best path for her; but don’t shove her toward your alma mater or toward a college with a prestigious name if that is not her choice. If your teen mentions a gap year, don’t panic. Gap years are becoming more popular and it might be exactly what your teen needs. Read this post for some insight on gap years: What Parents Need to Know About a Gap Year.

9. Don’t push-it simply won’t help

If your student is unmotivated, it’s not going to help to nag her and push her to do the college prep work. If there is one thing I learned with both of my kids (and clients), if your student is not invested in the college process she won’t be invested in college. Save yourself some time, money and heartache and wait until she is. If not, she can learn from the college of hard knocks (as my son did)–minimum wage jobs are the BEST motivator! Here’s a post about my son and how he finally saw the light: Motivating an Underachiever Toward College?

10. Enjoy the journey

This is an exciting time in the life of your teenager. She has worked hard and will be planning her future. You can be proud as well. Enjoy the next year, even when you feel stressed and overwhelmed. It will pass all too quickly and before you know it she will be walking across the stage accepting her diploma and heading to college in the fall.

mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before College (10 Tips for Moms)

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summer before collegeThe summer before college was a stressful time in our house. My daughter had a new boyfriend, college was looming on the horizon, and my very young daughter who had not yet turned 18 was experiencing the full monty of emotions. She was excited, scared, anxious, panicked, in love (or so she thought), and stressed. Compound this with the fact that in August, a rather large hurricane hit our coastal town flooding our home and my daughter’s room along with all the items she was taking to college.

My daughter wasn’t the only one with out of control emotions, however. I was worried that her newfound love would influence her to opt out of college since it was 2000 miles away and he was still in high school. I was concerned that she was young, much younger than most college freshmen, and naive and dependent. I often found myself hyperventilating at the thought of her leaving home, since she would officially make our home an empty nest. And just as worried and concerned as I was, I was also excited with anticipation for her to enter this new phase in her life.

I preface today’s post with these experiences because I know many moms are having the same type of summer. Knowing what I know now and listening to so many other stories from moms like me, my older self would have some words of advice for my younger self.

1. Embrace the experience

This is an exciting time for both you and your teen. Don’t spend the entire summer worrying about move-in day or dreading the empty nest. It’s the classic case of living in the moment and not worrying about the future.

2. Don’t take it personally

Your teenager may become scarce after graduation. She is feeling angst and dread over leaving all her high school friends. She feels less panicked if she can spend time with them. Time with friends means less time with you, but don’t take it personally. It’s all part of the separation process.

3. Think before you speak

With all the stress in the house, there will be emotions. These emotions can often lead to conflict and words that can’t be taken back. Before you say something you will regret, leave the room, count to 10 and don’t say want you wanted to say in the heat of the moment. The last thing you want is to part on strained terms.

4. Listen before you react

Your teen will be spouting all types of frustrations. She may regret her college choice, wish she was going to school close to home, or announce she is not going at all because her boyfriend is pressuring her to stay. Give her a few days, let her calm down, and odds are she will gain her senses and change her mind again.

5. Don’t ignore your emotions

When you feel like crying, go ahead and cry. But do it in private, away from your daughter. Don’t suppress your emotions because if you do, they will all come pouring out when you drop her off at college.

6. Go on dorm shopping trips

It goes without saying that your college-bound teen is going to need dorm furnishings and supplies.There are numerous sites that provide parents and students with dorm essential lists. Check out the resources provided by Bed, Bath and Beyond for a campus checklist. This shopping trip can be fun and exciting for both parents and students—make a day of it!

7. Make the last few days (and weeks) special

Schedule some “date nights” with your college-bound teen. Do some things they love and make the time special. Schedule some family nights and if possible, a family vacation. These days and weeks will help your student cope with homesickness later during the year, and you cope with empty nest syndrome when they are gone.

8. Don’t give in to fear

Boy how things have changed since we went to school in the 70’s and 80’s. They’ve even changed since my kids went in the 90’s and 2000’s. It’s a scary world out there and you would be crazy not to be anxious when your kids leave your care every day. But don’t let them see it; they need to feel safe and secure at school. Even though we know they are at risk, we have to trust that the teachers, staff, and administration will do their utmost to assure their safety.

9. Pat yourself on the back.

When a child goes away to college, sometimes so much focus is on how hard it is emotionally that parents forget that it’s a major achievement that they can be proud of. Not only did their child graduate from high school, but they did well enough to be accepted into a college that can prepare them for their career. So, as you’re wiping away some of the tears that will inevitably happen, pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

10. Talk about expectations on move-in day

Don’t hang around when you’re not wanted. If your student wants you to help her move-in, help and then leave. Some parents take their student to dinner after move-in and then say goodbye. Don’t embarrass her and let go when it’s time.

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Talking to Your Teen About Irresponsible Behavior

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irresponsible behaviorOne of the first things we learn growing up is that all of our actions have consequences. If we pull a glass of water off the table, it will spill all over us. If we touch a hot burner on the stove, it will burn. If we pick up a knife on the blade, it will cut us.

Selective memory loss

Teaching teens the consequences of irresponsible behavior can be challenging. Unfortunately, too many teens begin to make choices during their teen years that are life changing and life altering. They don’t rationalize that sleeping with someone you just met can have consequences: sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, pregnancy, rape and even at the very worst murder. They don’t think that cheating on a test in school, even if you don’t get caught, robs you of an education and learning. They don’t see that getting in a car with a drunk driver could end in tragedy because most teens who are drunk believe they have the capacity to drive. They can’t look far enough into the future to see that going to a college they can’t afford could land them in overwhelming debt after graduation.

Running down the scenarios

I know. All those scenarios are a bit dramatic. But let’s just think before we discount them as viable examples of ignoring the consequences of our choices. Your teen would be well served if he did the same. The next time your teen is tempted to sleep with someone they just met, what would happen if they ran over the previously stated consequences in their mind before they decide to do it? There would be consequences to their decision: good or bad. Before they get into a car with another teen who is drunk or drive drunk themselves, imagine what would happen if there is an accident and their friends or other innocent drivers and passengers are killed. Before getting wasted, imagine what would happen if he got alcohol poisoning and his friends couldn’t recognize the symptoms or get help when it was needed.

All decisions have consequences

When you’re young and your whole life is ahead of you, you tend to function in the present. Twenty or thirty years from now seems like an eternity to someone in their teens. But time has a way of catching up with us and every choice we make when we are young has both good and bad consequences. The trick is to know when those consequences aren’t worth the risk. And the other trick is to pause long enough before taking those risks to weigh both the good and the bad.

If your teen gets anything from this bit of advice, let it be this: take time to think before you act. Weigh the good and the bad consequences. Then once they decide, make the best of their decision and swallow the good with the bad. Every path they take in life has the potential for greatness. Encourage your teen to be wise and think before they act, knowing that their choice could potentially be the wrong one.

Read Wendy’s Post: College Prep Red Flags

+++++++++++++++

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Guest Posts, parenting

Mom-approved Tips: 6 Ways To Prepare the Summer Before College

 

summer before collegeThe Disney Pixar movie Toy Story 3 offers an unexpected insight into the lives of parents with teens going off to college. As young Andy prepares to leave home, his toys try to deal with what his departure means to them. Just as the old saying goes, Andy realizes that it’s time to put away childish things.

That doesn’t mean you have to incinerate your child’s toys, but it is time to think of things in a new light. How can you help your own “Andy” transition into college life? Consider these six tips and you’ll be well on your way to help your college-bound teen prepare the summer before college.

1. Put them to work.

If your teen has not been working, now is the time to make sure they are given some kind of responsibility. Encourage them to get a job, an internship, or volunteer for the summer. This work will give your child confidence and a taste of the “real” world. Also, it allows them to meet other professionals in a work setting. Any job will do, but if it is something that ties at least loosely into a set of career goals, all the better.

2. Offer a crash course in Adulthood 101.

There are probably many things that you think your child knows that he or she simply does not. For one thing, encourage your son or daughter to do their own laundry all summer long. Also, teach them rudimentary accounting skills: how to balance a checkbook and make a budget (a job helps here, too). Depending on where they’re going to school, how to use public transportation might be something to work on; most freshman don’t have access to a car, and you won’t be there to drive your son or daughter around. Some basic cooking and grocery shopping skills should be included as well—one way to augment this is to have your teen cook for the family at least one night a week. You’ll still be surprised by the late night calls asking, “How do I make a doctor’s appointment?” or “What do I do if I’ve locked my keys in my car with the engine running?” But at least they’ll be prepared with the basics.

3. Take a look in a book.

To prepare for the amount of reading that will be necessary in college, get your child into the habit of reading as much as possible—reading every day on the bus to work would be grand! This is more about building study habits rather than worrying about specific material, however many colleges have books they would like freshman to have read before they start classes. These titles will be a great place to begin. If your child knows what classes he or she is taking, then gear the books toward these courses.

4. Teach time-keeping.

Encourage your child to maintain a schedule or planner by themselves. Show them how to keep track of work, social, and family events—they should refer to the schedule all summer and write down their comings and goings. It’s easy enough to do that on a computerized calendar or in a datebook.

5. Don’t let go quite yet.

Of course, your teen is going to want to spend the summer with friends, but you can still get your time in surreptitiously. Schedule a few family outings and meals at favorite restaurants. Fit in a vacation if possible—even a weekend or a Fourth of July outing can have real future value. P.S. Going to the store for college shopping doesn’t count as family fun.

6. Be true to their school.

Learn everything you possibly can about your son’s or daughter’s new school, and talk with them about opportunities. Go over the information on classes and extracurriculars. In particular, check if there are any “superstar” professors and encourage your child to take their classes. Also look for a history of achievement in any particular extracurricular, such as a winning debate team. It’s wonderful to work toward being part of a tradition of excellence.

Most importantly, be patient and keep lines of communication open. There’s no getting around it—it’s going to be rough emotionally, but you can help your child be prepared for everything that is to come. And isn’t that what parenting is all about?

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About the Author

Ryan Hickey is the Managing Editor of Peterson’s & EssayEdge and is an expert in many aspects of college, graduate, and professional admissions. A graduate of Yale University, Ryan has worked in various admissions capacities for nearly a decade, including writing test-prep material for the SAT, AP exams, and TOEFL, editing essays and personal statements, and consulting directly with applicants.

college majors, parenting

Finding a Job: How to Help Your Student Be a Perfect Match

Teens go to great lengths to find and win the perfect match to share their personal lives, even during high school and onto college. Just as there are interpersonal relationships in social circles, you and your teen might not realize there are personality interactions in the workplace. Prospective employers are looking for the worker they deem to be the best fit for their company’s personality and aspirations. When your teen graduates from college and can show the hiring managers that he is the one they are seeking, the search will be over. To bring about this intended match, think of the future job hunt as a courtship and picture your student’s resume as the missive suitor.

finding a jobAnnounce Availability

Social networks afford wonderful opportunities to get the word out about your job search, even starting with internships. Join groups and link to professional associations that can share your capabilities in areas of interest that may be outside your geographic sphere. This broadens your scope and increases the chances of finding the right match for your skills. It also provides networking opportunities which will help later as your job search becomes more focused. Once you locate a desirable prospect, you can begin your courtship.

Get to Know Your Intended

When one person finds another to be of interest, all efforts are centered on discovering likes and dislikes and understanding important relationship parameters. In the same way, when looking for a job, the applicant needs to understand the specific desires of the prospective employer. As you begin to personalize your resume for the opening, read the job description carefully. Do extensive research on the company and learn its purpose and major accomplishments. Find out what its long-term goals are. The more you know, the better you will be able to match your skills with the company’s needs and pique the interest of the hiring staff.

Turn the Resume Into a Matchmaker

Armed with the information from your study, craft your resume to pair your skills and experience with the requirements listed for the position. Show your recent accomplishments that exhibit proof of desired qualifications shown in the advertisement for the opening, along with any internship experience. When completed, your resume should read like answers to the employer’s job search questions, so that once the hiring staff picks up your information, they need look no further.

Become Irresistible

In all your interactions with the company, whether by resume, cover letter, phone conversation, or face-to-face interview, pay careful attention to interpersonal relationships. You want to make an unforgettable, positive impression in every instance so that all the hiring staff will see the importance of bringing you into their workplace.

Clinch the Deal

Although a job search is no romantic courtship, the rules of human attraction work in much the same way. By approaching the hiring process as a quest for the ideal relationship, you can make your application more relevant to the needs of the workplace. Your expectations become more clearly defined through your efforts and your student’s future employer enjoys the benefits of having hired the perfect candidate for the job.

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Parent vs Student Reasoning

 

parent vs student reasoningThe stress of the college admissions season weighs heavy on your college-bound teen. I read an old NY Times blog article that went inside the mind of a college-bound teen by asking them exactly what they were feeling and thinking. Students voiced their concerns related to college prep; but what would the parents say? What is the parent vs student reasoning?

Fear

Students may seem fearless at times, but as they approach the final months of high school fear sets in. One teen, Phoebe Lett, 16 talks about how she feels as a junior.

“I fear for my rapidly approaching senior year. Should I really spend nine hours a night on school work? As I rack up as many extracurriculars, community service hours and “beneficial relationships” (college-prep speak for impressive recommendations), I can’t help but think that it’s not good enough. Better grades, higher scores, more varsity letters, more leads in the play: have I been bulking up an application that perhaps doesn’t reflect who I am, but instead just represents what a college wants from me? That is my true fear.”

Parents, on the other hand, feel fear as well. They fear their student will experience rejection on so many levels. Along with this, they fear their student won’t make the right college choice and regret it later.

Pressure

The pressure they feel is of paramount proportions. This pressure will be exhibited in all kinds of emotions from tears, to anger, to denial to frustration. Robin Karlin, 17 felt the pressure of failing.

“Around the application deadline you’re studying for finals, and it’s your senior year. You already have a lot of classes and you have to write essays and you’re already stressed out thinking “what if they don’t want me?’’ And you worry what if you don’t get into any school at all? I’m not from a big city. We have pretty good schools, but I think in a bigger city with more people you have more perspective on where you stand in the nation. I’m not really sure how good I am.”

Parents feel pressure as well—from other parents, from themselves and sometimes from the students as well. Other parents can make them feel inadequate. They feel pressure when it comes to the finances related to college. They also feel pressure from their student when they choose a college that is out of their financial reach.

Rejection

If your student hasn’t experienced rejection, get ready. There’s a strong possibility some of the colleges they apply to won’t offer them admission. Sam Werner, 18, felt disappointment when the rejection letters started arriving.

“Everyone I had talked to, once they heard “perfect SAT,” they said, “You can get in anywhere.” That was the hardest part, having everyone tell me I would and then not getting in. It was a rough few days. The rejection letters and my parents both kept telling me it’s not a case of me not being good enough, but a case of too many qualified applicants. But it’s really hard not to feel like you got rejected….”

Parents feel the same rejection students feel when they aren’t offered admission—perhaps more. It’s hard to watch your student do their best, only to realize they didn’t achieve their goal (through no fault of their own).

Relieving some of the pressure

College admission is how students (and parents) define their success. Years down the road, you will see that some of those rejections probably sent you and your student into better directions. In the meantime, recognize your feelings and empathize with your student. You can both weather the college admissions storm together.

Read Wendy’s Post: How Parents and Students Can Be on the Same Page

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.