Tag Archives: summer before college

empty nest, organization, orientation, parenting, textbooks

Summer To-Do List for New College Parents

summer to-do list

Graduation is upon us and that means the future (college future) for many, lies ahead. While it’s tempting to take the summer off, and you want to spend as much time with your future college student as possible,

Get organized and set up a calendar

Preparing for a semester is a key part to ensure academic success!

College students find themselves juggling classes, homework, work, parties, clubs, organizations, dates, volunteering, and everything in between. With only 24 hours in the day, and only one mind to juggle it all, this can be a lot to manage.

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college guidance, college planning, parenting

Watch for Pre-College Anxiety This Summer

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pre-college anxiety

High school graduation is here and parents are proudly snapping photos, bragging about which college their student will attend, and basking in the fact that they raised a successful high school graduate. Then comes the summer before college . . .

Right now, your student is probably looking forward to “gelling” during the summer: spending time with friends free from the worries and stresses of the past year. Some students will be looking forward with anticipation to the fall and becoming a college student. But others might be experiencing noticeable pre-college anxiety about this next big step.

It happened in my house. My daughter dreamed of going to college in Boston. She worked hard during high school and her dream became a reality. The campus was gorgeous, the academics were superb, and the student body was a perfect fit for her. The icing on the cake was the many Greek organizations on campus. Her grandmother was a Zeta and she always dreamed of following in her footsteps in college.

But as the summer dragged on, I began to notice measurable hesitancy on her part. She didn’t want to discuss the topic of college. She started voicing thoughts of transferring after the first semester to a college in her home state. She didn’t want to start discussing dorm specifics or communicate with her future roommate. What was happening?

If you start seeing any red flags like these, you should ask yourself, “What’s really going on?” Is it simply nervousness related to the change? Is there another person or persons influencing her sudden change in mood or direction? Is she truly changing her mind about college and you need to discuss other options with her?

Once you diagnose the problem, it should be easier to determine what action you need to take.

I’ve outlined the six red flags in this article I wrote for Teen Life Magazine: Watch for These 6 Red Flags the Summer Before College. If your student is exhibiting any of these symptoms, take action. Don’t assume they will pass. Start a non-judgmental conversation and listen to what he is feeling.

My daughter and I were able to find the cause of her problem and I was able to ease her concerns. Just because the decision was made in May to go to college, keep an eye out during the summer before college for any signs of pre-college anxiety.

mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before College (10 Tips for Moms)

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summer before collegeThe summer before college was a stressful time in our house. My daughter had a new boyfriend, college was looming on the horizon, and my very young daughter who had not yet turned 18 was experiencing the full monty of emotions. She was excited, scared, anxious, panicked, in love (or so she thought), and stressed. Compound this with the fact that in August, a rather large hurricane hit our coastal town flooding our home and my daughter’s room along with all the items she was taking to college.

My daughter wasn’t the only one with out of control emotions, however. I was worried that her newfound love would influence her to opt out of college since it was 2000 miles away and he was still in high school. I was concerned that she was young, much younger than most college freshmen, and naive and dependent. I often found myself hyperventilating at the thought of her leaving home, since she would officially make our home an empty nest. And just as worried and concerned as I was, I was also excited with anticipation for her to enter this new phase in her life.

I preface today’s post with these experiences because I know many moms are having the same type of summer. Knowing what I know now and listening to so many other stories from moms like me, my older self would have some words of advice for my younger self.

1. Embrace the experience

This is an exciting time for both you and your teen. Don’t spend the entire summer worrying about move-in day or dreading the empty nest. It’s the classic case of living in the moment and not worrying about the future.

2. Don’t take it personally

Your teenager may become scarce after graduation. She is feeling angst and dread over leaving all her high school friends. She feels less panicked if she can spend time with them. Time with friends means less time with you, but don’t take it personally. It’s all part of the separation process.

3. Think before you speak

With all the stress in the house, there will be emotions. These emotions can often lead to conflict and words that can’t be taken back. Before you say something you will regret, leave the room, count to 10 and don’t say want you wanted to say in the heat of the moment. The last thing you want is to part on strained terms.

4. Listen before you react

Your teen will be spouting all types of frustrations. She may regret her college choice, wish she was going to school close to home, or announce she is not going at all because her boyfriend is pressuring her to stay. Give her a few days, let her calm down, and odds are she will gain her senses and change her mind again.

5. Don’t ignore your emotions

When you feel like crying, go ahead and cry. But do it in private, away from your daughter. Don’t suppress your emotions because if you do, they will all come pouring out when you drop her off at college.

6. Go on dorm shopping trips

It goes without saying that your college-bound teen is going to need dorm furnishings and supplies.There are numerous sites that provide parents and students with dorm essential lists. Check out the resources provided by Bed, Bath and Beyond for a campus checklist. This shopping trip can be fun and exciting for both parents and students—make a day of it!

7. Make the last few days (and weeks) special

Schedule some “date nights” with your college-bound teen. Do some things they love and make the time special. Schedule some family nights and if possible, a family vacation. These days and weeks will help your student cope with homesickness later during the year, and you cope with empty nest syndrome when they are gone.

8. Don’t give in to fear

Boy how things have changed since we went to school in the 70’s and 80’s. They’ve even changed since my kids went in the 90’s and 2000’s. It’s a scary world out there and you would be crazy not to be anxious when your kids leave your care every day. But don’t let them see it; they need to feel safe and secure at school. Even though we know they are at risk, we have to trust that the teachers, staff, and administration will do their utmost to assure their safety.

9. Pat yourself on the back.

When a child goes away to college, sometimes so much focus is on how hard it is emotionally that parents forget that it’s a major achievement that they can be proud of. Not only did their child graduate from high school, but they did well enough to be accepted into a college that can prepare them for their career. So, as you’re wiping away some of the tears that will inevitably happen, pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

10. Talk about expectations on move-in day

Don’t hang around when you’re not wanted. If your student wants you to help her move-in, help and then leave. Some parents take their student to dinner after move-in and then say goodbye. Don’t embarrass her and let go when it’s time.

Guest Posts, parenting

Mom-approved Tips: 6 Ways To Prepare the Summer Before College

 

summer before collegeThe Disney Pixar movie Toy Story 3 offers an unexpected insight into the lives of parents with teens going off to college. As young Andy prepares to leave home, his toys try to deal with what his departure means to them. Just as the old saying goes, Andy realizes that it’s time to put away childish things.

That doesn’t mean you have to incinerate your child’s toys, but it is time to think of things in a new light. How can you help your own “Andy” transition into college life? Consider these six tips and you’ll be well on your way to help your college-bound teen prepare the summer before college.

1. Put them to work.

If your teen has not been working, now is the time to make sure they are given some kind of responsibility. Encourage them to get a job, an internship, or volunteer for the summer. This work will give your child confidence and a taste of the “real” world. Also, it allows them to meet other professionals in a work setting. Any job will do, but if it is something that ties at least loosely into a set of career goals, all the better.

2. Offer a crash course in Adulthood 101.

There are probably many things that you think your child knows that he or she simply does not. For one thing, encourage your son or daughter to do their own laundry all summer long. Also, teach them rudimentary accounting skills: how to balance a checkbook and make a budget (a job helps here, too). Depending on where they’re going to school, how to use public transportation might be something to work on; most freshman don’t have access to a car, and you won’t be there to drive your son or daughter around. Some basic cooking and grocery shopping skills should be included as well—one way to augment this is to have your teen cook for the family at least one night a week. You’ll still be surprised by the late night calls asking, “How do I make a doctor’s appointment?” or “What do I do if I’ve locked my keys in my car with the engine running?” But at least they’ll be prepared with the basics.

3. Take a look in a book.

To prepare for the amount of reading that will be necessary in college, get your child into the habit of reading as much as possible—reading every day on the bus to work would be grand! This is more about building study habits rather than worrying about specific material, however many colleges have books they would like freshman to have read before they start classes. These titles will be a great place to begin. If your child knows what classes he or she is taking, then gear the books toward these courses.

4. Teach time-keeping.

Encourage your child to maintain a schedule or planner by themselves. Show them how to keep track of work, social, and family events—they should refer to the schedule all summer and write down their comings and goings. It’s easy enough to do that on a computerized calendar or in a datebook.

5. Don’t let go quite yet.

Of course, your teen is going to want to spend the summer with friends, but you can still get your time in surreptitiously. Schedule a few family outings and meals at favorite restaurants. Fit in a vacation if possible—even a weekend or a Fourth of July outing can have real future value. P.S. Going to the store for college shopping doesn’t count as family fun.

6. Be true to their school.

Learn everything you possibly can about your son’s or daughter’s new school, and talk with them about opportunities. Go over the information on classes and extracurriculars. In particular, check if there are any “superstar” professors and encourage your child to take their classes. Also look for a history of achievement in any particular extracurricular, such as a winning debate team. It’s wonderful to work toward being part of a tradition of excellence.

Most importantly, be patient and keep lines of communication open. There’s no getting around it—it’s going to be rough emotionally, but you can help your child be prepared for everything that is to come. And isn’t that what parenting is all about?

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About the Author

Ryan Hickey is the Managing Editor of Peterson’s & EssayEdge and is an expert in many aspects of college, graduate, and professional admissions. A graduate of Yale University, Ryan has worked in various admissions capacities for nearly a decade, including writing test-prep material for the SAT, AP exams, and TOEFL, editing essays and personal statements, and consulting directly with applicants.