Category Archives: parenting

college planning, parenting

3 New Years Resolutions You Should Keep

 

new years resolutions

 

I’m not, nor ever have been, a fan of New Years resolutions. I like the line from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, “I like the sound of deadlines as they go whooshing by.” That’s how I feel about resolutions. Not all resolutions are bad, however. Some (the ones that are logical and attainable) can and should be kept.

Here are three resolutions you should keep if you have a college-bound teen. They are simple goals and will help make the entire college prep process less stressful and overwhelming.

Stay organized

Resolve at the beginning of the new year to stay organized. The college prep process requires organization: test registration deadlines to meet, recommendation letters to pursue, college applications to complete, financial aid to apply for, scholarships to submit applications and the mounds of college information your student will receive during the process. Whew, that was a LONG list!

Without committing to stay organized, the process becomes stressful and overwhelming. Use separate email accounts, calendar programs, file folders, usb drives, and don’t forget to create a college landing zone for everything your student receives at school that is college related.

Work as a Team

It’s impossible to expect a teenager to handle this monumental task alone. I’m not suggesting you write the essay, fill out the applications, apply for the scholarships, or make the college choices. But I am encouraging you to help with the organization, remind about the deadlines, proofread the essays, help find the scholarships, and give advice when asked.

You should also make it perfectly clear that this is their decision, but they don’t have to make it alone. If you work as a team, not only will your teenager be less stressed, but you will feel like you’re part of the process and less likely to take over.

Focus on the big picture

In the end, it won’t matter much which college your student attends. Focus on the big picture. It won’t matter what their SAT scores were or if the college has a prestigious name. Concentrate on finding the perfect fit college (the one that socially, academically, and financially fits). Then your student will have the best four years of their lives, along with an education and tons of lifelong memories and friendships.

All the best to every parent who is navigating the college maze. May 2016 be a year of success, fulfillment and absolute joy for you and your college-bound teen.

college guidance, college planning, college prep, college visits, parenting

College Planning for 2016

 

2016

With the Christmas season upon us and students out of school, it’s a good time to look at what lies ahead and make some plans to hit the ground running in January 2016.

First things first, take a look at scholarships with January deadlines. These should be at the top of your list to begin 2016. Make scholarship searching and applying a priority in 2016. Say you don’t need money for college? Everyone likes free money! The more scholarship money your student earns the less you will have to pay. Save for retirement. Take a cruise. Remodel your home. Wouldn’t you rather keep the money you saved and use it for other family expenses? It’s a no-brainer–every student should apply for scholarships.

For seniors, it’s FAFSA time. Yes. It’s the dreaded FAFSA (much like the dreaded IRS forms). Don’t procrastinate. With the FAFSA, the early bird gets the worm (or in college terms, gets the money). School award aid on a first-come, first-serve basis. Once it’s available on January 1, get that puppy done. Even if you don’t want federal aid, fill it out. Colleges use this form when awarding other types of financial aid like grants and scholarships.

For juniors, it’s SAT/ACT prep time. If you’re taking the test in 2016, you’re going to be staring the new SAT in the face: it’s going to be available in March 2016. Use the next couple of months to prepare for the test. There are free tools on line to help you study and consider hiring a tutor if you think it will help your student focus and prepare.

Don’t wait to register for these tests at the last minute. If you plan to take the tests in January, REGISTER NOW! And it it’s in the spring, register now to avoid late registration fees. For a comprehensive guide on these registration and test dates, click here.

For sophomores and juniors, it’s time to start thinking about college visits. Sophomores should plan preliminary college visits (visit some colleges to get a feel for college life and prepare a list of wants and needs). Juniors will be making visits to show the college they are interested. Sign up for the tour and schedule and interview. Colleges keep tract of these visits and it will give you an edge when your application is received.

With a new year, comes new challenges and college-related tasks. Planning in December can help you hit the ground running in January and move forward in 2016.

college planning, parenting

Words of Advice for Parents of College Bound Teens

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encourage your child
Image by Flickr

It can be a nervous time for any parent who is sending their child off to college. I know, I have done it all before myself. However, it is easy to get consumed by your own nerves that you forget to really encourage your child.

Going to college is a huge step, and if you are nervous, imagine how your child feels. As a parent, the best way you can be there for your child is to show them support. Here are some of the best ways to encourage your child throughout their college years.

Give them space

You might be dying to hear about all their activities, but your child is out to enjoy their time! Don’t pester them by constantly phoning and texting. With the occasional message you will show you are always there. Your child will then get in touch at the times when he or she needs you the most. The best thing you can do as a parent is to give them space but be there for them when they need you most.

Learn more about their course

There are so many college courses to choose from and it is hard to keep up with them all. Even if your child is studying a more traditional subject like English or History, take the time to understand their course. Find out what they are reading. Get to know what essay topics they have to write about. This way you will be able to hold an educated conversation with them about something that matters to them. You can also use this knowledge to be able to discuss their academic goals. Help them plan out the things they want to achieve during their college years and think about what sorts of grades they want.

Get to know their friends

When your child leaves home you will no longer have any control over who they hang out with. However, you can take the initiative to get to know your child’s friends. This way you understand what sort of personalities they are attracted to and what people they tend to like. Every time you visit, have a chat with their roommate. Maybe you could even take a few of their friends out for a meal or coffee. This is great too because when your child phones you to let you know what has been happening lately, you will be able to put a face to a name.

Encourage all opportunities

At college, your child is likely to be faced with an abundance of amazing opportunities. Just because you want them to stay nearby, doesn’t mean you should discourage them. Your child has to live their life in the way they want to. One of the options that may present itself could be the chance to study overseas. Many parents feel worried about sending their child off to a foreign place. But studying abroad is one of the best opportunities you can have. Your child will discover a new culture and possibly even a new language. They will find a new independence and have friends all across the globe.

Don’t voice your fears

If you are nervous about your child leaving home, don’t let it show. You might scare them more than you want to by letting your fears rub off on them. Be supportive and enthusiastic talking about all the great experiences they will find when they are away.

Teach them about money

If your child has never lived away from home, they will more than likely not have had to fend much for themselves. However, as a student you need to be able to manage a budget and know how to control your finances. Teach them how to do this. Let them understand the value of money. If you have any tips on how to save, make sure you let them know. If you help them with this, they will be able to avoid debt after graduation.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, college prep, mom approved tips, parenting

10 Tips for Parents of the College Bound

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10 tips for parents

Parenting a college-bound teen is a challenge. How much should you push? How much should you help? Where do you draw the line? How involved should you be? How do you help your student fulfill his college dreams?

Here are 10 tips for parents that should answer your questions:

10 Tips for Parents of High School Students

1. Don’t overparent

Much has been written lately about the damages overparenting does to students. Step aside and let your student take the wheel.

2. Make a visit to your teen’s counselor

Let the counselor know that you intend to be an involved parent and establish a relationship at the start. The counselor is an important source of information and of course guidance regarding your teen’s college pursuit.

3. Establish relationships with teachers and staff

Since most parents tend to drop out when their teen reaches high school, it’s crucial that you make it clear to the educators that you will be a partner in educating your child. Show up at PTA meetings and parent information sessions.

4. Read all school information

This means reading the school handbook, teacher handouts, letters to parents, guidance department newsletters, any rules and policies, and homework and attendance rules.

5. Stress the importance of good attendance

Attendance is key in high school. Missing even one class can put the student behind. Schedule appointments, when possible, before and after school. If there is an absence, make sure your teen does the make up work in a timely manner.

6. Encourage strong study habits

These habits will follow your teen to college. Set aside a regularly scheduled study time. Studying needs to be a priority before any added activities.

7. Stress regular contact with teachers and counselors

This contact will play an important role when your teen needs recommendation letters. It will also establish in the minds of these educators that he or she means business.

8. Be the organization coach

If you know where everything is, have a schedule and a plan, you won’t get stressed and frustrated. It’s your job as their parent coach to help them start and maintain good organization for their date planners, notebooks, folders, files and college related materials.

9. Stay informed and involved

This does not mean camp out at the school every day and follow your teen around. It means monitoring quizzes, grades, daily homework assignments and long-term projects.

10. Be proactive when you encounter problems

All types of problems arise in high school: academic, behavioral and even social. There is a logical solution for all of them, but the key is to be aware when they arise and address them quickly.

10 Tips for Parents of Seniors

1. Do the prep work

Get ready for the mounds of catalogs, test prep booklets, flyers and email reminders. Start your filing system now, create a landing zone for all college-related materials, start adding tasks on a calendar.

2. Do your best to control your emotions

It’s going to be an emotional time for both you and your student. Angry words will be spoken if you don’t make a conscious effort to bite your tongue.

3. Prepare for rejection

The upcoming year will most likely mean that your student (and you) will have to deal with rejection. It’s not personal, but you will feel like it is.

4. Decide what role you will take

Please. I beg you. Do NOT be the parent that shoves, manipulates, and actually does the work for their student. Be the parent who encourages, supports and offers help and advice when needed.

5. Prepare for emotional outbursts

This is one of the most stressful times in your family. There will be emotional outbursts as the stress intensifies. Your student will say things she does not mean. You will lose your temper and wish you didn’t.

6. Discuss the money

If you want to avoid disappointment when offers of admission arrive, have the “money talk” before your student applies to colleges. Decide what you can afford, what you will be willing to contribute toward the costs, and what you expect your student to contribute.

7. Accept there will be consequences to actions

Your student will most likely fail or mess up at some point during senior year. Rescuing your kids all the time only makes them into dependent adults and colleges aren’t impressed with those type of students or the parents that come with them.

8. Be open to all possibilities

Be open to any college choices your student might make. You will not be the one attending the college and it’s not up to you to choose for her.

9. Don’t push-it simply won’t help

If your student is unmotivated, it’s not going to help to nag her and push her to do the college prep work. If there is one thing I learned with both of my kids (and clients), if your student is not invested in the college process she won’t be invested in college.

10. Enjoy the journey

This is an exciting time in the life of your teenager. She has worked hard and will be planning her future. Enjoy the next year, even when you feel stressed and overwhelmed.

admissions, parenting

Live Admissions Chat Sponsored by University Parent

 

live admissions chat

Wednesday, Oct. 28 at 7 p.m. Eastern Time

Join University Parent as they ask the experts at Admissionado your parent questions during a live admissions chat. They will cover topics for parents of current seniors, as well as those earlier in the college preparation process.

The chat will take place on Google Hangouts on Air. The livestream will be embedded on this page, or you may access it here. They will also post the conversation here after the event. Ask a question, meet the contributors, or watch the livestream.

Don’t miss this informative conversation with admissions experts and don’t forget to add your question for them to answer during the chat.

college guidance, college planning, mom approved tips, parenting

Filtering Out the Voices of Other Parents

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voices of other parents

If you have a high school senior or junior you know the college pressure. Unfortunately, it’s not always with your student. Parents feel extreme pressure and they often feel alone with the feelings of inadequacy and dread. This is the time in your child’s life when the rubber hits the road. The last 11 or 12 years of school come down to one huge question: what will they do after high school?

Why do parents feel pressure? It’s quite simple—there is parent peer pressure. Parents who roll their eyes or are completely floored when you say your child hasn’t decided about college. Parents who compare notes, throwing out names like Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, Yale and other Ivy league colleges. Parents who wear those names as badges of honor and claim success as a parent based on their child’s college prospects. Parents who can foot the bill for the entire cost of college and let it be known at every college related gathering.

How can you filter out the voices of other parents? Take a step back and look at the reality of what is happening with your teenager. It’s your job to help him make some tough decisions. These might not include traditional college. It might involve going to community college for two years. It could mean exploring career or technical colleges. Your child might benefit from a gap year abroad or working at an internship to get a better career focus. The military could also be an option for some students, as it was for my son.

Just as no two individuals are alike, no two post graduation scenarios are either. Don’t feel intimidated by other parents to push your student toward a specific college just so you can have bragging rights. This is not a competition. Your child must make this decision for himself and be happy with his choice.

Filter everything by asking, “What is best for my child and my family?” It doesn’t matter what path other students take. Your student must take the path that is best for him. You have not failed as a parent if your student does not get into an Ivy league college or a top-tiered school on the America’s Best Colleges list. You have not failed as a parent if your child chooses other post-graduation paths to find his place in life. You have failed if you don’t listen and guide your student toward happiness and fulfillment. Ultimately, what matters most is that he makes a decision based on what is best for him.

Don’t push your child to attend a “name” college that you cannot afford, saddling both yourself and your student with debt. There are plenty of great colleges in this country that are bargains, offer substantial merit aid, and often opportunities to attend for free. Your student will thank you when he graduates with minimal or no debt and realizes that the degree from a state college is just as valued as a degree from an Ivy league university.

Peer pressure comes in all forms. Parents can’t help but brag on their children. And every parent feels that the choices their teenagers make after high school will dictate their future. Remind yourself that the years after high school are about exploration and discovery. However your child chooses to pursue them, be proud and support his choice. When you hear the “voices” in your head telling you otherwise, remember what my mom used to say to me, “Just because she jumped off a bridge, it doesn’t mean you have to.”

college prep, parenting

Wednesday’s Parent: Evaluate College Prep Progress Monthly

 

evaluate college prep

With all the tasks involved in college prep it makes sense to take a quick evaluation of your teen’s progress and evaluate college prep monthly. Deadlines will creep up on you, tasks will fall by the wayside, and your teen may drop the ball. By scheduling a monthly evaluation, you and your student will assure that every task and deadline is met, along with providing a time to have a conversation about any concerns you or your teen have during the process.

Wendy David-Gaines, Long Island College Prep Examiner and POCSMom, explains the importance of good habits during the college prep process:

This is not about avoiding sliding into a rut or fighting senioritis although both are specific reasons for reevaluation. This is concerning a normal and regular college preparation review. The purpose is to ensure students are still on track considering any recent modifications that may have occurred.

A lot can change during a school year that influences testing and college choice, field of study and student qualifications. Even subtle differences can highlight the revisions students need to make. Then families can put the alterations in place to become future habits that will eventually be reexamined, too.

College prep requires parents and students work as a team. Taking the time to evaluate your progress can make the process go smoother and avoid the stress of missed deadlines or college admissions requirements.

Read Wendy’s article: How habits can hurt college prep

organization, parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Procrastinate No More!

 

procrastinate no moreI often told my kids, “I work best under pressure”. It was merely my excuse for procrastination: an unhealthy habit that plagues me to this day. I may work best when I know a deadline is approaching, but waiting until the last minute causes untold stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, both my children have adopted that philosophy and it has followed them through school and into adulthood. It’s something I wish I had never taught them.

What is the solution to avoid procrastination in school and in life? Organization.

With college prep, it’s all about the deadlines. Deadlines are a procrastinator’s downfall. Waiting until the last minute to find the form that needs to be in by midnight, or registering for the standardized test late, can add stress to an already stressful situation.

According to Wendy David-Gaines, POCSMom and Long Island College Prep Examiner, starting the year off right with an organization goal is key:

Parents and students can join together to avoid tarnishing the fresh start transition offers. They can begin with the soft skill of organization. It will be easier to prioritize, keep track, and follow through with their to-do list.

Read Wendy’s “lightbulb” moment post and start the year off right–procrastinate no more!

The skill to set up your fresh start for success

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. 

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

mom approved tips, parenting

Prepping Your Student for the Emotions of College

 

emotions of collegeMuch has been written about preparing for college: college visits, essays, financial aid, college applications, and all the college-related tasks. But preparing your teen for college is so much more than the admissions tasks. You give your child a helping hand when riding a bike. Why would you not prepare your student for the emotions of college?

Your child needs some “mean” emotional skills before move-in day, as evidenced by all the college kids calling their parents to say, “I don’t like it here. Can I come home?”.

We can all learn some lessons from today’s college students and their parents. Before your student leaves for college, add these to your college prep list:

Teach him to self-advocate

It could happen on the first day of college. Your student needs help. He needs to speak with an advisor. Talk with a professor. Have a conversation with the RA. If he constantly runs to you for help in high school, how will he ever learn to advocate for himself? Before he leaves, let him practice. When a situation arises that you would normally resolve for him, let him have the reigns. He will be faced with multiple situations in college when this skill will come in handy.

Teach him to resolve conflict

Roommate conflict is the number one reason students are unhappy the first few weeks of college. Being placed with a roommate that does not match your student’s personality and habits can be overwhelming. Let your student resolve conflict while living at home. Encourage him to work things out with his siblings. When a problem with a friend, teacher or other adult arises, give him the chance to resolve the conflict. Teach him to start with the source and if the conflict is not resolved, move on to the next available source of help: i.e student, teacher, principal, superintendent. If he goes to college with this emotional skill he will be less likely to “phone home” every time a conflict with someone arises.

Encourage him to find and use a support group

Students who sit in their room alone day after day will not survive in college. They need a support group: friends to turn to when they are homesick or struggling. The social aspect of college is key to surviving four years away from home. Before he leaves for college, encourage him to make friends, meet new people, and develop some social skills. Going to college far from the comfort of home and not knowing anyone can be a deal-breaker for the shy, uninvolved student.

Teach him to recognize dangerous behavior and avoid it

There are going to be opportunities in college to participate in dangerous behavior: drinking, drugs, hooking up, and reckless driving to name a few. Give him the tools he needs to recognize and avoid the consequences of these behaviors. For instance, students do not have to drink to party with friends. They don’t need to avoid parties just because there is drinking. You can have fun without getting wasted. Before leaving for college teach him to recognize this type of behavior and makes plans to avoid them.

Send him places without you

So many first time college students have never been away from home without parents. Make it a practice to encourage summer camps and traveling with trusted friends. A few weeks away from home gives them a taste of what life is like on their own. These trips away also give them a chance to be on their own and make decisions as they go through their day. It’s structured, but not so much that they are sheltered by their family.

Preparing your student for the emotional aspect of college will be best for him and for you. If he’s ready to venture out on his own, you will be less stressed about dropping him off on move-in day. And you most likely won’t receive the dreaded phone call: “I want to come home.”

mom approved tips, parenting

For the New College Parent: Your First Night Without Them

 

new college parentI’ve been reading all the posts from parents of new college freshmen. I expected the emotions, tears and general feelings of loss a new college parent might feel. But I never expected the panic, paranoia, and frantic behavior that many have exhibited. No judging here; just an observation.

I get it. I’ve been there.

Both my son and daughter left home after high school. My son joined the Marines. My daughter went 2000 miles away to college.

With my son, I received one letter informing me he had arrived at boot camp and was safe. Until his graduation, I did not receive a phone call or another letter. It was rough. But it never occurred to me to call his commanding officer of the boot camp and inquire about him or ask why I hadn’t heard from him. I knew this was a momentous step for him and he had to walk this path on his own.

With my daughter, it was a little different. I stayed a few days in a hotel near her to help unpack. The first night wasn’t a cake walk. She told me when I left her after dropping her off that she wanted to transfer to a college closer to home. But, instead of overreacting, freaking out, or calling her advisor, I just waited. I knew homesickness would set in. I knew she would ask me to come and rescue her and take her home. I knew her boyfriend was begging her to come home. But I also knew that she was going to have to work things out on her own.

All throughout my daughter’s four years of college conflict arose. From her first few weeks of college and the boyfriend situation, to multiple roommate issues, to conflicts with friends, to the emotions of losing a very close friend in a tragic accident, to losing her grandparents—college was a hard emotional road for her. But, instead of running to her aid, I let her solve these issues on her own. She sought the comfort of friends, made concessions for her roommates and sought help when she needed it. She learned to solve her own problems.

What’s my point?

My point is that as hard as this step may be for both you and your new college student, the choices and decisions you make that first night and every night after that could very well impact how your child responds to college. Running to their rescue because they are crying or homesick will only harm them, and could often have devastating results. It’s time for some tough love. You must, under all circumstances, give them the space to work through their misery.

If you have done your job and taught them how to self-advocate, how to solve issues and conflict, how to find and use a support group, and how to work through their problems they will benefit more from using those techniques than you driving to college and taking them home. Ultimately, however, it’s your choice. But from one parent whose children thank her every day for using tough love and not giving in to their tears, it’s my best, and only advice.

I wonder if it’s because we live in an age of instant communication—staying in touch with texting and location apps on the smartphone. I also wonder if parents have become so frightened for their children that they hold them much closer than they ever did before. Whatever the reason resist the temptation to give in. Your child will thank you; maybe not now, but later when they graduate from college after living four of the best years of their life.

Read this article, “Overparenting Our Teenagers” and stand firm. It’s the best you can do for your student.