Category Archives: parenting

academics, college guidance, financial aid, parenting

My Daughter Turned Down a Full-Ride Scholarship

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full-ride scholarship

 

During this financial aid award season, several years ago, my daughter had to make a difficult decision: which college would receive her acceptance of an offer of admission. Of the many colleges she applied to, they included private colleges, state universities, and trade colleges. Some offered her financial aid, others did not. It was a heart-wrenching decision for her: choose the college that offered the best financial aid package with a full-ride scholarship, choose her dream college that gapped her offering no financial aid, or choose the college that was her perfect fit.

For me, it was a no-brainer. One college offered her a full-ride scholarship, along with the major she wanted to pursue. It was in the city she wanted to live in. All the boxes were checked off. There was one problem, however. Since the college was over 2000 miles away from her home, she applied without ever visiting the campus.

Still stuck on her dream college, we scheduled college visits to the other colleges on her list. Here’s where the emotional issue of choosing a college entered into the mix. For teens, the college choice is always more emotional than practical. For parents, this factor makes it even more difficult for you to guide your student in the best decision.

After visiting three colleges in the same city, one her dream college, she was faced with a difficult choice. If it were up to her, she would have chosen her dream college. Knowing this decision would put her into debt, I was able to convince her to look at the other schools.

One of the other colleges offered her a full-ride scholarship; but when we drove onto the campus she immediately balked. Her reaction was so severe that she wouldn’t even get out of the car. My reaction—total anger and frustration. But I knew that I would regret forcing her to consider this college when she was so adamantly against it. So we drove away and moved on to the next college; knowing full well this meant she was turning her back on a full-ride scholarship.

The next college was a slam dunk. She loved the campus. She loved the tour and the students she met. She loved the location, its surroundings, and the total college experience it offered her. It was a small campus and since she would be so far away from home, it would be easier for her to assimilate in this type of environment. Since it was a liberal arts college, she could minor in English—something she had always wanted to do. The next best part, their financial aid package was doable. With her scholarships, grants and work study, she would only have to take out minimal student loans.

Seeing her turn down a full-ride scholarships was a tough pill to swallow. As her parent, I was completely focused on the financial aspect of the decision. But once I saw how excited she was about the other college and saw the smiles on her face, I knew this was the right decision.

Letting her make an emotional college choice (coupled with some financial sense) was the right decision. She flourished at that college. She met lifelong friends. She was able to get a well-rounded education and graduate with a degree that was employable. She still thanks me every day for letting her make that emotional choice and for also standing firm on the impracticality of her dream college.

Choosing a college is a highly emotional decision for your student. Your job as a parent is to guide them into a practical choice while taking into account that you want a happy student going off to college. Although financing should be a key part of the decision, it’s not always about the money.

admissions, financial aid, parenting

Wednesday’s Parent: Why Can’t I Attend My Dream College?

 

dream collegeThis past week, I’ve been discussing the financial aid awards and how they affect your student’s college choice. When those award packages arrive, it may be time for some tough love. The award may not be enough to justify sending your college-bound teen to her dream college. If your student asks this question, “Why can’t I attend my dream college?”, be prepared for an answer.

I had to answer that question when my daughter was accepted to a college she had dreamed of attending since middle school. She worked hard to be accepted and when her offer of admission arrived, she was beyond excited. Her dream had become a reality–until the award package arrived. Then, she was crushed. The only aid they offered was federal student loans. She had been “gapped” and I knew we were going to be forced to cross that college off the list. Yes. She had applied to other colleges that offered substantial aid and scholarships. Yes. They were colleges she wanted to attend. But they weren’t her first choice and her dream college was within her grasp. Or was it?

I had to have a very tough conversation with my daughter. I explained to her the cost of the college was way beyond our ability to pay. We discussed student loans, parent loans and appeals. But we both knew that racking up debt to attend was not logical or financially practical. We had placed all her dreams on financial aid and when it didn’t measure up to our expectations, we were forced to move on; with many tears, much sobbing and tremendous disappointment.

We took a look at the other offers of admission. With scholarships and aid, she would only have to take out minimal student loans; making it manageable to pay back after graduation. One college even offered a full-ride scholarship. It was clear that these colleges wanted her and demonstrated it by backing it up with generous aid packages. There were some strong contenders among the other colleges and it was time to take a second look; and we did.

We visited the colleges that offered the greatest amount of financial aid. She toured the campuses (some for the first time) and was able to see herself at two of the colleges that offered similar aid packages. What was the deciding factor? Location. She chose the college that was in the same city as her dream college. Part of the lure of the dream college was the location and since this was at the top of her list, it tipped the scales for her.

What was the outcome? She fell in love with her second choice college. It was a perfect fit for her academically, socially and financially. But the real payoff was at graduation when she had minimal student loan debt and was able to start her life without the burden of unmanageable student loan payments. Our smart decision paid off; and she understand why she could not attend her dream college.

careers, parenting

Should Every Child Go to College?

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college

I published this article about five years ago, but I feel it’s content is still true today. Too many parents push students to go to college when they are not prepared either academically, emotionally or financially. So many students go and fail because college is simply not for them.

_____________________

I read an article a few years ago in The Atlantic: “In the Basement of the Ivory Tower“, that gave me some food for thought. It’s been on my mind for quite awhile, especially since I have a close friend who is a financial aid counselor at one of those infamous “for profit” colleges.

She would answer my leading question with a loud and emphatic, “NO”, based on her experience dealing with those who are not prepared to attend college and don’t understand the consequences of borrowing money they can’t pay back. They have been convinced that without a college education, they can’t get a job or pursue a career. They’ve been told by someone that it doesn’t matter how much money you borrow as long as you get that degree. Once you get that degree you can earn enough money to pay back what you’ve borrowed. But we all know that’s not often the case.

In the above mentioned article, the English professor makes an interesting point:

America, ever-idealistic, seems wary of the vocational-education track. We are not comfortable limiting anyone’s options. Telling someone that college is not for him seems harsh and classist and British, as though we were sentencing him to a life in the coal mines. I sympathize with this stance; I subscribe to the American ideal.

Sending everyone under the sun to college is a noble initiative. Academia is all for it, naturally. Industry is all for it; some companies even help with tuition costs. Government is all for it; the truly needy have lots of opportunities for financial aid. The media applauds it—try to imagine someone speaking out against the idea. To oppose such a scheme of inclusion would be positively churlish.

I’ve come to realize that Americans truly are snobs. We brag about what we have and what we have obtained. Like it or not, we are a classist society. We snub our noses at those who haven’t been to college and brag heavily about our numerous degrees as if they are badges of honor. And while graduating from college is an accomplishment, so is learning a trade.

Often, we push our kids to attend college when we know it’s not for them. Why? Because we are a society that measures success by the number of degrees hanging on a wall or the dollar signs that can be found on our bank accounts. It is noble to dream big and education is always a noble goal. But so is being a plumber, a carpenter, a cosmetologist or a civil servant like a police officer or fireman.

What’s my point? My point is that you need to know your child. If they want to go to college and have the skills and knowledge they need to be successful there, then encourage them to go. But if they aren’t interested or motivated, save yourself some heartache, disappointment and money by letting them pursue a trade or career and even consider a college that offers both. There are so many fabulous careers out there that they can do without higher education. You will be happier, they will be happier and they will fill an important role in society. College really isn’t for child.

college planning, parenting

3 New Years Resolutions You Should Keep

 

new years resolutions

 

I’m not, nor ever have been, a fan of New Years resolutions. I like the line from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, “I like the sound of deadlines as they go whooshing by.” That’s how I feel about resolutions. Not all resolutions are bad, however. Some (the ones that are logical and attainable) can and should be kept.

Here are three resolutions you should keep if you have a college-bound teen. They are simple goals and will help make the entire college prep process less stressful and overwhelming.

Stay organized

Resolve at the beginning of the new year to stay organized. The college prep process requires organization: test registration deadlines to meet, recommendation letters to pursue, college applications to complete, financial aid to apply for, scholarships to submit applications and the mounds of college information your student will receive during the process. Whew, that was a LONG list!

Without committing to stay organized, the process becomes stressful and overwhelming. Use separate email accounts, calendar programs, file folders, usb drives, and don’t forget to create a college landing zone for everything your student receives at school that is college related.

Work as a Team

It’s impossible to expect a teenager to handle this monumental task alone. I’m not suggesting you write the essay, fill out the applications, apply for the scholarships, or make the college choices. But I am encouraging you to help with the organization, remind about the deadlines, proofread the essays, help find the scholarships, and give advice when asked.

You should also make it perfectly clear that this is their decision, but they don’t have to make it alone. If you work as a team, not only will your teenager be less stressed, but you will feel like you’re part of the process and less likely to take over.

Focus on the big picture

In the end, it won’t matter much which college your student attends. Focus on the big picture. It won’t matter what their SAT scores were or if the college has a prestigious name. Concentrate on finding the perfect fit college (the one that socially, academically, and financially fits). Then your student will have the best four years of their lives, along with an education and tons of lifelong memories and friendships.

All the best to every parent who is navigating the college maze. May 2016 be a year of success, fulfillment and absolute joy for you and your college-bound teen.

college guidance, college planning, college prep, college visits, parenting

College Planning for 2016

 

2016

With the Christmas season upon us and students out of school, it’s a good time to look at what lies ahead and make some plans to hit the ground running in January 2016.

First things first, take a look at scholarships with January deadlines. These should be at the top of your list to begin 2016. Make scholarship searching and applying a priority in 2016. Say you don’t need money for college? Everyone likes free money! The more scholarship money your student earns the less you will have to pay. Save for retirement. Take a cruise. Remodel your home. Wouldn’t you rather keep the money you saved and use it for other family expenses? It’s a no-brainer–every student should apply for scholarships.

For seniors, it’s FAFSA time. Yes. It’s the dreaded FAFSA (much like the dreaded IRS forms). Don’t procrastinate. With the FAFSA, the early bird gets the worm (or in college terms, gets the money). School award aid on a first-come, first-serve basis. Once it’s available on January 1, get that puppy done. Even if you don’t want federal aid, fill it out. Colleges use this form when awarding other types of financial aid like grants and scholarships.

For juniors, it’s SAT/ACT prep time. If you’re taking the test in 2016, you’re going to be staring the new SAT in the face: it’s going to be available in March 2016. Use the next couple of months to prepare for the test. There are free tools on line to help you study and consider hiring a tutor if you think it will help your student focus and prepare.

Don’t wait to register for these tests at the last minute. If you plan to take the tests in January, REGISTER NOW! And it it’s in the spring, register now to avoid late registration fees. For a comprehensive guide on these registration and test dates, click here.

For sophomores and juniors, it’s time to start thinking about college visits. Sophomores should plan preliminary college visits (visit some colleges to get a feel for college life and prepare a list of wants and needs). Juniors will be making visits to show the college they are interested. Sign up for the tour and schedule and interview. Colleges keep tract of these visits and it will give you an edge when your application is received.

With a new year, comes new challenges and college-related tasks. Planning in December can help you hit the ground running in January and move forward in 2016.

college planning, parenting

Words of Advice for Parents of College Bound Teens

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encourage your child
Image by Flickr

It can be a nervous time for any parent who is sending their child off to college. I know, I have done it all before myself. However, it is easy to get consumed by your own nerves that you forget to really encourage your child.

Going to college is a huge step, and if you are nervous, imagine how your child feels. As a parent, the best way you can be there for your child is to show them support. Here are some of the best ways to encourage your child throughout their college years.

Give them space

You might be dying to hear about all their activities, but your child is out to enjoy their time! Don’t pester them by constantly phoning and texting. With the occasional message you will show you are always there. Your child will then get in touch at the times when he or she needs you the most. The best thing you can do as a parent is to give them space but be there for them when they need you most.

Learn more about their course

There are so many college courses to choose from and it is hard to keep up with them all. Even if your child is studying a more traditional subject like English or History, take the time to understand their course. Find out what they are reading. Get to know what essay topics they have to write about. This way you will be able to hold an educated conversation with them about something that matters to them. You can also use this knowledge to be able to discuss their academic goals. Help them plan out the things they want to achieve during their college years and think about what sorts of grades they want.

Get to know their friends

When your child leaves home you will no longer have any control over who they hang out with. However, you can take the initiative to get to know your child’s friends. This way you understand what sort of personalities they are attracted to and what people they tend to like. Every time you visit, have a chat with their roommate. Maybe you could even take a few of their friends out for a meal or coffee. This is great too because when your child phones you to let you know what has been happening lately, you will be able to put a face to a name.

Encourage all opportunities

At college, your child is likely to be faced with an abundance of amazing opportunities. Just because you want them to stay nearby, doesn’t mean you should discourage them. Your child has to live their life in the way they want to. One of the options that may present itself could be the chance to study overseas. Many parents feel worried about sending their child off to a foreign place. But studying abroad is one of the best opportunities you can have. Your child will discover a new culture and possibly even a new language. They will find a new independence and have friends all across the globe.

Don’t voice your fears

If you are nervous about your child leaving home, don’t let it show. You might scare them more than you want to by letting your fears rub off on them. Be supportive and enthusiastic talking about all the great experiences they will find when they are away.

Teach them about money

If your child has never lived away from home, they will more than likely not have had to fend much for themselves. However, as a student you need to be able to manage a budget and know how to control your finances. Teach them how to do this. Let them understand the value of money. If you have any tips on how to save, make sure you let them know. If you help them with this, they will be able to avoid debt after graduation.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, college prep, mom approved tips, parenting

10 Tips for Parents of the College Bound

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10 tips for parents

Parenting a college-bound teen is a challenge. How much should you push? How much should you help? Where do you draw the line? How involved should you be? How do you help your student fulfill his college dreams?

Here are 10 tips for parents that should answer your questions:

10 Tips for Parents of High School Students

1. Don’t overparent

Much has been written lately about the damages overparenting does to students. Step aside and let your student take the wheel.

2. Make a visit to your teen’s counselor

Let the counselor know that you intend to be an involved parent and establish a relationship at the start. The counselor is an important source of information and of course guidance regarding your teen’s college pursuit.

3. Establish relationships with teachers and staff

Since most parents tend to drop out when their teen reaches high school, it’s crucial that you make it clear to the educators that you will be a partner in educating your child. Show up at PTA meetings and parent information sessions.

4. Read all school information

This means reading the school handbook, teacher handouts, letters to parents, guidance department newsletters, any rules and policies, and homework and attendance rules.

5. Stress the importance of good attendance

Attendance is key in high school. Missing even one class can put the student behind. Schedule appointments, when possible, before and after school. If there is an absence, make sure your teen does the make up work in a timely manner.

6. Encourage strong study habits

These habits will follow your teen to college. Set aside a regularly scheduled study time. Studying needs to be a priority before any added activities.

7. Stress regular contact with teachers and counselors

This contact will play an important role when your teen needs recommendation letters. It will also establish in the minds of these educators that he or she means business.

8. Be the organization coach

If you know where everything is, have a schedule and a plan, you won’t get stressed and frustrated. It’s your job as their parent coach to help them start and maintain good organization for their date planners, notebooks, folders, files and college related materials.

9. Stay informed and involved

This does not mean camp out at the school every day and follow your teen around. It means monitoring quizzes, grades, daily homework assignments and long-term projects.

10. Be proactive when you encounter problems

All types of problems arise in high school: academic, behavioral and even social. There is a logical solution for all of them, but the key is to be aware when they arise and address them quickly.

10 Tips for Parents of Seniors

1. Do the prep work

Get ready for the mounds of catalogs, test prep booklets, flyers and email reminders. Start your filing system now, create a landing zone for all college-related materials, start adding tasks on a calendar.

2. Do your best to control your emotions

It’s going to be an emotional time for both you and your student. Angry words will be spoken if you don’t make a conscious effort to bite your tongue.

3. Prepare for rejection

The upcoming year will most likely mean that your student (and you) will have to deal with rejection. It’s not personal, but you will feel like it is.

4. Decide what role you will take

Please. I beg you. Do NOT be the parent that shoves, manipulates, and actually does the work for their student. Be the parent who encourages, supports and offers help and advice when needed.

5. Prepare for emotional outbursts

This is one of the most stressful times in your family. There will be emotional outbursts as the stress intensifies. Your student will say things she does not mean. You will lose your temper and wish you didn’t.

6. Discuss the money

If you want to avoid disappointment when offers of admission arrive, have the “money talk” before your student applies to colleges. Decide what you can afford, what you will be willing to contribute toward the costs, and what you expect your student to contribute.

7. Accept there will be consequences to actions

Your student will most likely fail or mess up at some point during senior year. Rescuing your kids all the time only makes them into dependent adults and colleges aren’t impressed with those type of students or the parents that come with them.

8. Be open to all possibilities

Be open to any college choices your student might make. You will not be the one attending the college and it’s not up to you to choose for her.

9. Don’t push-it simply won’t help

If your student is unmotivated, it’s not going to help to nag her and push her to do the college prep work. If there is one thing I learned with both of my kids (and clients), if your student is not invested in the college process she won’t be invested in college.

10. Enjoy the journey

This is an exciting time in the life of your teenager. She has worked hard and will be planning her future. Enjoy the next year, even when you feel stressed and overwhelmed.

admissions, parenting

Live Admissions Chat Sponsored by University Parent

 

live admissions chat

Wednesday, Oct. 28 at 7 p.m. Eastern Time

Join University Parent as they ask the experts at Admissionado your parent questions during a live admissions chat. They will cover topics for parents of current seniors, as well as those earlier in the college preparation process.

The chat will take place on Google Hangouts on Air. The livestream will be embedded on this page, or you may access it here. They will also post the conversation here after the event. Ask a question, meet the contributors, or watch the livestream.

Don’t miss this informative conversation with admissions experts and don’t forget to add your question for them to answer during the chat.

college guidance, college planning, mom approved tips, parenting

Filtering Out the Voices of Other Parents

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voices of other parents

If you have a high school senior or junior you know the college pressure. Unfortunately, it’s not always with your student. Parents feel extreme pressure and they often feel alone with the feelings of inadequacy and dread. This is the time in your child’s life when the rubber hits the road. The last 11 or 12 years of school come down to one huge question: what will they do after high school?

Why do parents feel pressure? It’s quite simple—there is parent peer pressure. Parents who roll their eyes or are completely floored when you say your child hasn’t decided about college. Parents who compare notes, throwing out names like Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, Yale and other Ivy league colleges. Parents who wear those names as badges of honor and claim success as a parent based on their child’s college prospects. Parents who can foot the bill for the entire cost of college and let it be known at every college related gathering.

How can you filter out the voices of other parents? Take a step back and look at the reality of what is happening with your teenager. It’s your job to help him make some tough decisions. These might not include traditional college. It might involve going to community college for two years. It could mean exploring career or technical colleges. Your child might benefit from a gap year abroad or working at an internship to get a better career focus. The military could also be an option for some students, as it was for my son.

Just as no two individuals are alike, no two post graduation scenarios are either. Don’t feel intimidated by other parents to push your student toward a specific college just so you can have bragging rights. This is not a competition. Your child must make this decision for himself and be happy with his choice.

Filter everything by asking, “What is best for my child and my family?” It doesn’t matter what path other students take. Your student must take the path that is best for him. You have not failed as a parent if your student does not get into an Ivy league college or a top-tiered school on the America’s Best Colleges list. You have not failed as a parent if your child chooses other post-graduation paths to find his place in life. You have failed if you don’t listen and guide your student toward happiness and fulfillment. Ultimately, what matters most is that he makes a decision based on what is best for him.

Don’t push your child to attend a “name” college that you cannot afford, saddling both yourself and your student with debt. There are plenty of great colleges in this country that are bargains, offer substantial merit aid, and often opportunities to attend for free. Your student will thank you when he graduates with minimal or no debt and realizes that the degree from a state college is just as valued as a degree from an Ivy league university.

Peer pressure comes in all forms. Parents can’t help but brag on their children. And every parent feels that the choices their teenagers make after high school will dictate their future. Remind yourself that the years after high school are about exploration and discovery. However your child chooses to pursue them, be proud and support his choice. When you hear the “voices” in your head telling you otherwise, remember what my mom used to say to me, “Just because she jumped off a bridge, it doesn’t mean you have to.”

college prep, parenting

Wednesday’s Parent: Evaluate College Prep Progress Monthly

 

evaluate college prep

With all the tasks involved in college prep it makes sense to take a quick evaluation of your teen’s progress and evaluate college prep monthly. Deadlines will creep up on you, tasks will fall by the wayside, and your teen may drop the ball. By scheduling a monthly evaluation, you and your student will assure that every task and deadline is met, along with providing a time to have a conversation about any concerns you or your teen have during the process.

Wendy David-Gaines, Long Island College Prep Examiner and POCSMom, explains the importance of good habits during the college prep process:

This is not about avoiding sliding into a rut or fighting senioritis although both are specific reasons for reevaluation. This is concerning a normal and regular college preparation review. The purpose is to ensure students are still on track considering any recent modifications that may have occurred.

A lot can change during a school year that influences testing and college choice, field of study and student qualifications. Even subtle differences can highlight the revisions students need to make. Then families can put the alterations in place to become future habits that will eventually be reexamined, too.

College prep requires parents and students work as a team. Taking the time to evaluate your progress can make the process go smoother and avoid the stress of missed deadlines or college admissions requirements.

Read Wendy’s article: How habits can hurt college prep