Category Archives: parenting

college planning, college prep, parenting

College Prep Stress: Into the Pressure Cooker

 

college prep stress

I have a few friends whose sons are applying to college. The stress and the pressure students face regarding college is palpable. The question bears asking: How do you help your student navigate the process without adding your own college prep stress and pressure? Trust me; it’s not easy. Parents have their own kind of pressure related to college. Most of it revolves around the question: How will we pay for it?

So here is my best advice related to those two important questions.

How do you help your student navigate the process without adding your own stress and pressure?

You must in every circumstance remain calm. This is only one of many choices your soon-to-be adult will make in his life. This is the time when you transition from being a hands-on parent to being a supportive parent. I know that’s easier said than done. It’s hard after making all their decisions for 18 years to step back and let them chart their own course. But this act, in itself, will help alleviate stress for both you and your student.

Once you take a step back, the logical course for you is to become an encourager and coach. You can offer advice, help in the decision-making process and keep track of filing dates and deadlines, make travel plans for college visits and provide tutoring support if needed. This frees your student up for the important tasks: test prep, choosing the colleges, and filing out the applications. Your student knows what is expected of him and you know how you can help. Less stress for both parent and student.

How do you remove the money worries and stress around paying for college?

I can’t tell you how many emails I have received from parents whose students applied and were accepted to a college the parents can’t afford to pay for. The excitement of acceptance is overshadowed by the reality that the student won’t be able to attend due to lack of funds.

The only way to avoid this inevitable disappointment is to do your homework. Before your student applies, do some research about the college. How much does the college cost? What do students typically pay (this is usually not the sticker price)? Does it have a high acceptance rate? What type of aid does it award to students? Do they typically award a large percentage of their incoming freshman substantial financial aid? Is your student at the top of the applicant pool therefore increasing his chances of receiving merit aid? And finally, estimate your EFC (Expected Family Contribution).

After the research is done, how much can you afford to pay? If the college doesn’t award aid, can you pay the difference between the cost of the college and your EFC? Is your student willing to put in the effort to apply and win scholarships to help with the cost?

Once you have all the information, your student should only apply to colleges that are within your ability to pay with a reasonable expectation of merit aid if needed. It doesn’t make sense for him to apply to a $50,000 a year college if you don’t have the means or the ability to pay. Parents often feel pressured into letting their student attend and take out massive student and parent loans to foot the cost. This is not a wise decision and can cause added stress and pressure that is unnecessary.

There are also other ways you can avoid the stress of college prep. Read my article for TeenLife Magazine, Helping Your Teen De-Stress About College Prep, for some additional information.

college prep, parenting, Uncategorized

6 Ways to Prepare Your Child for College

 

college

Going to college is a huge milestone. It is a proud moment but it can be emotional and overwhelming at the same time. Therefore, you must prepare your child before they step inside those college gates.

Here are 6 ways you can prepare your child early for college.

Understand their Passions and Interests

Learning new things is more fun when kids are interested in them. Find out what your child is interested in and where their passions lie, even if they don’t necessarily fall within the realm of academics. It can be sports, drama, writing, etc.

For example, if the child is interested in sports, they can learn about the origin of a certain sport, evolution of the sport through history, etc. This will keep your child engaged and make learning more fun. Once they are clear what their passions and interests are, they can have a better understanding of which courses to pursue in college. Even if your child opts for online education, there are numerous opportunities to pursue the courses that interest them.

Prepare for College – Academically

Start preparing for college academics from junior high and high school itself. Some of the many ways your child can prepare for college include taking college-level courses and standardized tests as early as possible. This will help them enter college with more confidence.

Prepare for College – Financially

A college education is expensive, which is why you must be financially prepared for it when the time comes. The costs include tuition, course expenses, accommodation fees, personal expenses, etc. Start saving early and invest in saving accounts that offer tax benefits. It is also important that you keep an eye on the different scholarships that your child can apply for.

You can also consider online college education as an alternative instead of traditional college for your children. It is a popular, convenient and more affordable option as compared to traditional college.

Help Them Understand the Importance of College

The attitude of children towards higher education depends on the attitude of the parents. If you emphasize the importance of higher education, your child will take it seriously and focus on it through school and college. Start communicating the importance of higher education while they are still in school.

Teach Good Financial Habits

It is important to ensure that your child’s grades stay up and that they are focused on their academics, but it is equally important that they learn about work ethic and finance management early on. Encourage them to have a part-time job, about 10 hours a week, as it can help them increase productivity, learn time management, leadership and organizational skills. Teach them to be responsible about spending or saving their earnings. This will help them when they are in college.

Set a budget in high school and get them a checking account. Teach them to make smart financial decisions and ensure they know about credit card and debt early. If they plan to have a credit card, teach them to pay off the card each month and to only use it in emergency situations.

Expose them to Online College Courses

It would be a good idea to enroll your child in online courses while they are still in high school. This helps in saving money as the courses are inexpensive as compared to the college fee and your children can transition easily into college. Ensure that the colleges your child is considering applying to accept the coursework and find out what the basis of acceptance are (e.g., a minimum grade).

College is a great experience, so make sure your child is prepared for it, and is confident about treading that path.

_____________________________

About Author: Making education simple and easy to comprehend is Dana Jandhyala’s forte. She’s had a long career as an educator where she has taught in several different schools and institutes in multiple countries. Today, she helps students with personalized online tutorials by SchoolPage that help make concepts easy to understand, making learning fast and fun. She writes to help student s study better, and to coach parents so they can facilitate the success of their children. 

parenting

Tears, No Fears, When Saying Goodbye

 

goodbye

There will be tears. Oh yes, there will be tears. It doesn’t matter how many times it happens, when a child goes to college, you are witnessing the beginning of one of the most transformative periods in her life. You’re also saying goodbye to the nature of the relationship you once shared. But how do you say goodbye to them making sure they have the best start at their future they could have?

Have the talk

College life is different from living at home. For a lot of kids, it means taking on all kinds of responsibility they’ve never had to deal with before. It’s a good idea to prepare them on a few topics well in advance before they move. Financial advice such as dealing with credit, budgeting and the like. What they expect it to look like dealing with living essentials. Even safety. Make the scarier sides of college less scary for them.

Know what the college has in mind

You don’t want there to be problems as soon as you arrive on campus. For instance, know fully what items the College has banned students from bringing. Get an idea of campus events and talks on the first day so you can schedule to visit them in advance. There’s a lot of helpful information there. It might not all sink into your excited teenager’s head, but you can help them retain the important stuff.

Get your logistic hat on

Don’t forget that moving can be a rather big undertaking alone. Figure out in advance whether you can do it yourself or whether you might need the help of local moving services. Make sure you have a checklist of all their essentials, including any paperwork and documentation they’ll need to actually get their place in the dorms. You can save your child a lot of hassle and you can maybe distract yourself a little from your own apprehensions about saying goodbye.

Don’t pack everyone in the car

This is a mistake so many people make. Dorm rooms are not very big. If they’re moving into a student apartment, they’re normally not very big either. There will be a lot of families in attendance, so bringing the whole gang along can make things crowded and difficult. Let some say their goodbyes back at home.

Goodbye with love

It’s going to be teary; there will be hugs; there will be promises to call that quickly fall by the wayside. It’s important you leave things on a positive note and continue to play that note through their college experience. For instance, you can leave them with a care package with all their home essentials. It’s a good idea to do this semi-regularly as time goes on and to simply check in on them to make sure they’re acclimating well. Just the gesture alone is a sign that you love them and care for them wherever they are. Just don’t let the gesture get lost by the fact you do it twenty times a week.

Once you’ve done all of the above, there’s little else you can do but there for them. Call them, ask them to call you, keep in touch and keep them talking about their experience. Becoming their rock can strengthen that relationship and help them stay strong while far from home, too.

App Tuesday, parenting

Watch Out for These Secret and Dangerous Apps

dangerous apps

One of the most surprising parenting moments for many of us happens when our sons and daughters morph into teenagers. Almost overnight, our sweet little ones, who once shared all their hopes and dreams with us, begin shutting us out of their lives. Suddenly, we are talking to closed doors and blank stares, grasping at anything that resembles the bond we used to share. This stage of development is tough on families for several reasons, but one of the most startling is the strained relationships between our children and us.

However, this shift in our family dynamics catches many of us off guard. As our teens desire independence and privacy we are often left behind, especially when we factor in their digital devices and smartphones. In fact, 70 percent of our teens actively seek out ways to keep us in the dark when it comes to their technology and social media usage. While we might be able to look at a child’s Facebook account, one area we should be concerned about is the world of secret and disappearing messages.

Secret and Disappearing Messages

Disappearing messaging apps are one of the newest trends to hit the social media scene and they keep evolving. These apps feature messages that automatically delete after being viewed. The amount of time varies depending on the app or settings, but they all promise that eventually the data will be gone. BurnNote and Snapchat are probably the most popular disappearing messaging apps that our children enjoy using.

Our tweens and teens enjoy using disappearing messaging apps, because they don’t keep a running list of all their activity, comments, likes, and friends like traditional social media giants Facebook or Twitter do. Kids are concerned about maintaining their digital footprints and view disappearing messaging apps as a convenient way to promote more authentic conversations. With these apps kids can stop worrying about creating a database of comments, thoughts, and activities that anyone can view or access.

Disappearing messages are one thing, but secret apps take privacy to a whole new level. Secret apps come in a wide variety of formats, but the premise is all the same. These apps create a benign cover that looks harmless to parents, teachers, or adults. On a phone, the icon may look like an ordinary calculator app. However, if you were to click it open, you would uncover a place to store information and photos you don’t want others to view. Often, kids will store sexts or x-rated images in secret apps.

Secret and Disappearing Messaging App Dangers

While disappearing messages and secret apps have some good qualities there will inevitably be some drawbacks to this technology. Unfortunately, the private and fleeting quality of these apps encourage our kids to make extremely poor content choices. These apps become perfect vehicles for bullying and sexting, because evidence of any wrongdoing disappears. Both of these offenses carry very real emotional consequences and have even been prosecuted by the authorities in court.

Although the lack of accountability and the threat of not being monitored is liberating, tweens and teens often forget anything sent over social media isn’t really private. While at first glance, this doesn’t appear to be possible with disappearing apps, children need to be reminded that everything digital has the potential to be retrieved, shared, or saved. Users can always figure out methods to save messages by using screenshots or other devices to click a photo.

dangerous apps

7 Essential Tips for Keeping Teens Safe

Thankfully, we are not entirely helpless. As parents, we can teach our children a few tricks and methods to safely enjoy disappearing messaging apps. Listed below are a handful of essential tools to overcome a child’s secrecy to keep them happily scrolling:

  • Teach social media etiquette
  • Keep all devices in common living areas
  • Prevent children from using phones in bedrooms
  • Have a child tell you if they witness anything that makes them uncomfortable online
  • Let kids know it is okay to say no to sexting
  • Monitor a child’s activity by friending them online or asking to see their accounts every now and then
  • Begin a conversation about the power of words

How do you keep your teens safe while they use dangerous apps?

parenting

3 Ways You Can Help Your College Student

 

college student

If you are a parent of someone in college, then you are probably keen to help them as much as you can. As it happens, being able to help your college kid can be easier said than done. But if you know the main areas where they are likely to want help, then you can do a surprising amount to do so. In this article, we are going to try and give you a head start on that, by looking at some of the main areas where your college student might need a little assistance.

 

Subject Choice

For some children, it is perfectly clear what they should be studying. This is usually the case for those who already know what career they want to follow, or what kind of topics they are interested in. But for many others, it is much less of a clear cut issue. If your child is not entirely certain on which subject to study, then this is something you can probably help them out with quite well. To help them here, encourage them to focus on their strengths as well as their enjoyments. This should lead them to choosing the subject that is best for them as an individual.

Essay Writing

A big part of college education is essay writing, regardless of the subject matter. Many children struggle more than they expect to with this part of the education, particularly if they did not have to write so many essays in high school. The leap from one to the other is often quite difficult to deal with, and you should do everything you can to help them in that way. This doesn’t mean that you should help them actually write their essays, of course. But there are resources out there which can help by providing an essay and thesis writing service, and these can be useful for new college students who are struggling to make sense of it all. 

Social Life

College is not just about education – although that is obviously an important part of the whole experience. Most kids who go to college will soon find that it is also a deeply social experience, and one which they will probably be a little anxious about from time to time. If you really want to help your kids adapt to college life, then helping them with the social side of things might prove to be necessary. If necessary, work with them on developing their confidence and social skills, so that they feel better equipped to handle such situations. Or it might be the case that they just need to dive into the deep end and get stuck into it. For many people, this is actually the best way to go about it, and it is worth considering if you want to really help your college kid make the most of their experience.

parenting

Investing In Your College Bound Teen

 

investing

Most parents like the idea of investing in their child. By putting money aside for your child, as they get into adult life, you make their future much more secure. Unfortunately, though, a lot of parents put their investments into the wrong place. Young people have a very specific set of needs. And, these needs can usually be met with just a little bit of funding. So, before you start putting money away for them; you should think about a couple of other options. To help you out, this post will be going through three examples of ways you can invest in your teens. But, don’t expect a high return!

A Car

It can be hard when your child leaves home. A lot of kids decide to move far away from their hometown, in the pursuit of a more interesting life. This leaves a lot of parents feeling like they don’t see their kids enough because of their new busy life. It’s likely that you child feels the same way, too. So, to solve this little issue, it could be best to simply buy them a car. This will give them the chance to come and see you a lot more often. And, it will provide them with some great benefits in their normal life, too. Having a car makes it possible for people to look much further for jobs. And, it will make the little parts of their life, like shopping and visiting their partner, much easier, too.

Their Education

The price of education is going up throughout most of the world. Unfortunately, though, the need for a good education is getting more important. Life can be hard for a young person who has to work to pay for their education. So, taking this out of their hands can make their life much easier. The price of studying something like an MBA online, to enable your child to get into their own business, is much less than what they will make doing the job. So, it’s worth helping them at this point. And, then, when you’re all older; they can return the favor and help you.

Their Interests

The last thing to think about this list is the interests of the child himself. Often, people won’t find their dream job through education. Instead, that will be the platform they use to start exploring. And, they will find their true dreams through exploring the things they enjoy. Unfortunately, though, this will cost some money. For example, you might find that your child loves both animals and photography. In this case, sending them to enjoy a wildlife photography session with an instructor could inspire them to work harder on their passion. It’s easy to find things like this; if you know your child well enough.

Hopefully, this will inspire you to start working harder on your child’s future. Investing in your child isn’t the sort of investment you make to get money out of it. Instead, you do this a labour of love for your kids.

parenting

Recognizing the Signs of Depression In Your Teenager

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signs of depression

We all have low days. People let us down, and life doesn’t seem to go our way. Depressing, isn’t it. These days are common to all of us, but usually, we can snap out of it, find a positive and move on. However, it is important for you to know, being depressed because of a bad day is not the same as having depression. For your teenager, issues around self-image and bullying can compound the problem.

It is possible that you have an understanding of what depression means. You may suffer from it yourself, or know somebody else who does. If this is your child, it is a misconception to assume they can just get a grip and snap out of it. Thankfully, most people now recognize the illness as something real, but there are still those who cannot get their heads around it. Unless you have experienced depression, it can be hard to empathize with those who do.

Why do young people get depressed?

There are many reasons. Bullying is rife among social media, and vile messages posted online are not easy to get rid of. The pressure of tests and exams can play a part too, as is the pressure of transitioning to adult life.

Medical professionals suggest chemical imbalance plays a part and this is why anti-depressant tablets are often subscribed, balancing the chemicals in the brain to regulate a person’s moods. Exercise, healthy eating and rest also play a part in alleviating some of the symptoms of depression, but there is still no hard and fast answer to the cause.

What can you do to help?

As always, be there to support your child. Don’t pretend to know they feel or put pressure on them. That doesn’t mean you can’t be a little sympathetic, however, and offer yourself as somebody to talk too when they need to.

Don’t give advice you are not qualified to offer. Instead, seek help from your doctor or school professional if you are worried. If your child needs space, give it to them, but considering many people with depression suffer from suicidal thoughts you still need to be vigilant.

Depression is real and often has dire consequences

Teenagers are especially susceptible to depression. Stress over college. Conflict with other teenagers, boyfriends and girlfriends. Bullying and harassment from fellow students. As evidenced by the popularity of the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, it’s time for parents to start paying attention. Don’t bury your head in the sand and say it can’t happen to your child. Don’t turn away and hope the problem resolves itself. If you don’t want your teenager to be a victim, be an involved parent.

If you want to spend more time studying the illness, you can take a masters in clinical mental health counseling online. The more educated you are, the better equipped you will be to help your teenager and others.

admissions, careers, college planning, parenting

Key Questions to Ask Your Student Before College

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key questions

As a loving parent, aiding your child’s educational development is a priority at all times. Helping them gain the strongest foothold in college is undoubtedly the greatest support you could ever provide. Rather than forcing them, though, it’s imperative that your child gains the motivation and traits needed to do it for themselves. Here are some key questions that will enable you to achieve that goal of pointing them in the right direction. Get this right, and they should gain a far better chance of reaching their potential.

Q: What careers interest you?

A lack of direction is perfectly normal throughout those school years. In truth, it’s probably a good thing that your son or daughter spent this time embracing various aspects of life. However, college is a time to focus on a profession. After all, following a career in the medical industry is far different to becoming a lawyer for example. In today’s climate, many graduates do change their mind upon completion of their degrees. As such, making this choice probably isn’t as crucial as it once was. Nevertheless, studying in the right field will give your child a far better chance of reaching the top. Careful consideration is key.

Q: How will you stand out on your college application?

The competition for college places is higher than ever. Naturally, a better institution results in a better education for your child. So if you want them to receive the best, it’s imperative that they go the extra mile to stand out from the crowd. Whether applying to an ivy league school or another college doesn’t matter. Grades alone won’t be enough, which is why hiring an education consultant could be one of the best steps you ever make. By taking applications to the next level, your son or daughter will be in a far stronger position. In the meantime, it should enable them to place greater focus on their exams and school work too.

Q: How will you supplement your academics?

Education is a great platform for any successful career. However, the volume of graduates means that even a first class degree won’t guarantee a grad role. Therefore, your son or daughter should think about part-time or voluntary roles that can be used to supplement their studies. Let’s face it; the skills gained from those roles will aid their development for the course too. The key is to find the right balance so that it doesn’t stop them from achieving their academic goals. Apart from anything else, this is a great chance for them to create useful connections. With a little bit of luck, this could open up a number of doors later on.

Q: Are you ready to live independently in college?

 The college life isn’t exclusively about education. Gaining the best degree possible should be your child’s priority at all times. But there’s no doubt that their standard of living throughout those college years will have a huge influence on their ability to succeed. So, teaching your child the fundamental skills of cooking, cleaning, and financial management will serve them very well. Without that life knowledge, those struggles will cause negative impacts on their studies. Besides, it’ll allow them to focus on the development of other key skills that are born from spending time at college.

parenting

13 Reasons Why Parents Should Pay Attention

13 Reasons Why

My teenagers are now adults. Thankfully, they both survived being a teenager and came through it unscathed. I was never more thankful than after I watched “13 Reasons Why”.

This is not an entertainment review blog. That’s not the reason I’m discussing the Netflix series here today. Although it was an excellent series with some bone-chilling twists and turns, it was more than entertainment. It was a shock to my system. It was a wake-up call for parents. It was a commentary on the dangers of today’s teenagers and how being connected either online or with smartphones can multiply and exaggerate what used to be typical teenage experiences.

The premise of this series is one teenager’s path from hope to hopelessness. That path was driven by 13 different people. Twelve teenagers and one adult who either weren’t listening, didn’t care, or felt pressured by peers to participate in hateful acts toward her. With each instance of cruelty, her hopelessness increases leading her to take her own life. But, she leaves 13 tapes behind explaining what led her to do it. Each person had no idea. Each came face to face with their own cruelty and neglect.

Every parent of a teenager should watch this series. But be warned—it will scare the bejeebies out of you. And it should. Because the world our children and our grandchildren live in today is cruel—crueler than it has ever been. Bullies exist everywhere and the bullying is magnified by social media and smartphones. Your teenager is most likely either being bullied or is bullying someone. Yes, I did say that.

It’s time for parents to start paying attention. Don’t bury your head in the sand and say it can’t happen to my child. Don’t turn away and make comments like, “everyone is bullied.” Most of us were bullied as children in one form or another, but trust me, it was nothing compared to the extent of what is happening today.

I am not a psychologist. I’m just a parent. I raised two teenagers. Based on my own experiences, here are 13 reasons why “13 Reasons Why” parents should pay attention to this series:

  1. Your teenager will experience back-breaking peer pressure. Their peers will pressure them to do things they might not normally do on their own. Peer groups have a great influence on your teenager’s actions. Give your teenager the tools he or she needs to stand up to bad behavior and bullying.
  2. The stress and competition around the college process is overwhelming. There is no greater time for students to feel pressured and stress from their peers and adults than during college prep season. Some is self-inflicted stress, but they will also succumb to comparisons over GPAs, test scores, college choices, and college acceptances. Encourage your teen to pursue his or her own path and be proud of their own accomplishments.
  3. Kids are cruel; especially teenagers. It’s a fact of life. It starts in grade school—the teasing, the bullying, the “I’m not your friend” comments. It only intensifies during the high school years. A strong self-esteem and supportive family can help your teenager overcome the feelings of inadequacies that come with this type of cruelty.
  4. If you don’t know the signs of suicide, you can’t help. Educate yourself. Get information online. Go to parent seminars. Talk to the school and ask what resources they have in place to help students. Finally, don’t ignore the signs. If you see your teenager needs help, don’t be afraid to get it.
  5. You should make it clear in no uncertain terms that bullying will not be tolerated. If you don’t want your teen to be bullied, you should make it clear that you will not allow bullying from your teen. If you see it happening, confront it. If you see it happening to another teenager, inform their parents. Get involved and encourage discussion.
  6. If you don’t talk about this now, it will only get worse in college. Now, while you have them at home, is the time to confront these issues of bullying, teen suicide, social media behavior and mental illness. Once they are away at college, it’s harder to see the signs and even harder to help.
  7. Social media is a game changer. Years ago, bullying was done face to face. Now, it happens online and with the use of smartphones. Social media allows bullies to remain anonymous and harm their victims without having to be face to face. It also makes it harder to fight and diffuse the bullying.
  8. Texts, group texts, Snapchat and other means of communication make bullying much worse. When you watch this series, you will see how group texts and social media contributed to extending the bullying from one student to an entire school. Talk with your teenager about the danger of this behavior and monitor their smartphone and social media activity.
  9. The suicide rate among teenagers is alarming. According to the Center for Disease Control:

    Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24; suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for college-age youth and ages 12-18; more teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from any disease COMBINED; each day in our nation, there are an average of over 5,240 attempts by young people grades 7-12; four out of five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warning signs

  1. Most teenagers have a side their parents see and a side their peers see. You may think everything is fine because your teenager tells you it is. But appearances can be deceiving. Take the time to listen, communicate and spend time with your teenager. Make your home a safe space where they feel free to talk about any subject without judgment or condemnation.
  2. Do not let your teenagers watch this without you. There are explicit rape scenes, nudity, and an actual depiction of suicide in the series. If you feel they must watch or are already watching, watch with them and have discussions after each episode.
  3. Kindness won’t stop a person contemplating suicide, but cruelty certainly contributes. It’s clear that a person contemplating suicide will require more than kindness to change their mind. However, the amount of cruelty and hatred a person endures can be a contributing factor. Your teenagers should be aware of this and you should make it clear that you won’t tolerate any hate speak or cruel words directed towards others.
  4. Your teenager’s peers shape their lives. Our friends dictate our actions. That’s why it’s important to choose our friends wisely. It’s important for your teenager to have a few close friends they can confide in and trust. These friends will help counteract any negative input they receive from others. My teenagers’ friends were literally their lifeline in high school and college. Help them choose friends who will raise them up and not tear them down.

If this isn’t enough, read this post from a parent whose son attempted suicide and watched the series: “13 Reasons Why” Scared the Shit Out of Me—And It Should Scare You Too!

Now go watch “13 Reasons Why”. But fair warning—it’s going to scare the bejeebies out of you. At the very least it will make you pay attention. At the very most, it could help you save your teenager’s life.

admissions, college planning, parenting

How to Help Your Student Handle Rejection

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This post was originally written for University Parent and posted at UniversityParent.com—Help Your Student Handle Rejection

handle rejection

In high school, my son participated in the Navy Junior Reserve Officers Training Corps program and had high hopes of attending a military academy after graduation. However, due to less-than-stellar SAT scores and our family’s general lack of understanding about how the application process worked, he was denied admission to all of them.

If you’re the parent of a high school senior whose sights are set on a dream college, you can anticipate how devastating rejection might be. But you also know that, given the competitive and subjective nature of college admissions, rejection is possible…even likely.

I have a colleague who won’t call it “rejection” — he has dubbed the two decisions students receive an “offer of admission” and “no offer of admission.” Language like this might ease the blow somewhat, but your teen will not be comforted. The disappointment will be enormous, and real.

How do you handle your own feelings?

First of all, be ready. Those thin “no offer of admission” envelopes are on their way and even if you vow not to take a rejection personally (after all, you’re not the one applying to college) it’s nearly impossible not to. This is your child; you are bound up in his sorrows and joys. And his application was stellar! “How can they reject my student?” you will wonder in outrage, speculating about who may have gotten in instead and taken “his” spot. Suddenly you realize that you, too, had pinned hopes on a future that included Parents’ Weekend on a certain idyllic campus.

When we acknowledge our own disappointment, we can make sure it stays where it belongs — in our own hearts. The last thing we want is to magnify our student’s pain. He feels badly enough already without feeling that he has disappointed his parents.

How do you support your student’s feelings?

Every student reacts differently. Some will shrug off the rejection letters, understanding that it is just part of the process, but others will view a rejection (or two or three) as the end of the world. At the moment that your student is absorbing this news, all the truisms in the world (“Everything happens for a reason,” “It’ll work out,” “You don’t want to go there if they don’t want you,” etc.) won’t help. Hold him, hug him, and let him know that you share his pain. He needs time to express his emotions and deal with the disappointment in his own way.

What do you do after you’ve both had time to grieve?

Once some time has passed and your student is able to be objective, embrace the life lessons. Point out that disappointments often turn into opportunities (it shouldn’t be too hard to dig up some examples from your own life!). Assure him that success in college is more about his attitude than the name on the T-shirt, and even though College “A” didn’t work out, there is a place for him — a terrific school where he is wanted and where he will thrive. On that note, move on to the colleges that mailed the fat envelopes. If there is more than one, he now has the fun task of making a choice. He’s back in the driver’s seat.

When my son was turned down by the military academies, he turned to Plan B and enlisted in the U.S. Marines. After four years of service and the passage of time, he saw himself in a new light. He applied to college, was accepted, and graduated with honors. Back when he was a high school senior, the rejections seemed momentous. Later, he recognized that they had been merely a bump in the road and an opportunity to re-evaluate his goals.