Tag Archives: parenting

Motivating an underachiever toward college

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Image by octavio lopez galindo from Pixabay

One of my Twitter friends sent me a direct message the other day asking me how to deal with an underachiever high school student. Honestly, it’s a question I asked myself years ago when my son was an average student and not making any attempt to focus on college goals. Part of his lack of interest, was my lack of participation as a parent. He was making average grades and never had to crack open a book. I was somewhat content to let him be and concentrate on other things. Once he made the decision to join the Marine Corps I realized he felt he had no options left but to enter the military. It taught me a valuable lesson: parents play a pivotal role in motivating our teens toward college. I did not make the same mistake with my daughter.

Here’s what I did differently the second time around:

  • I researched all financial options, including scholarship opportunities. My son always knew that paying for college would be difficult and I never let him know that we had committed to help him and would pursue all options available.
  • I helped my daughter stay organized and on top of the college process. We began early looking at colleges and applying for scholarships.
  • I had numerous discussions with her about the importance of a college education and the importance of attending a college that fit her aspirations and goals.
  • I let her be a part of the process but I didn’t leave her alone to figure it all out by herself.
  • When her grades started to drop, I had conversations with her teachers and got her set up for extra tutoring.
  • I taught her about consequences and she understood that ignoring her grades in high school would influence her acceptance into college.

Here are some other helpful tips that I have learned as a Parent College Coach:

  • The best motivator is other teens. If your teen is hanging out with other teens who are motivated and achieving, they are more likely to do the same.
  • Hook your teen up with a local college mentor.
  • Get some advice on teen motivation from parenting experts.
  • Encourage your teen to connect on Instagram and TikTok with students from a college and chat with them.
  • Get inside your teen’s head and find out why they aren’t motivated. Are they afraid of college? Do they feel they won’t get accepted if they apply? Do they have a dream that is so big they need your encouragement?
  • Listen. Quizzing never helps. Just sit in their room and listen to them talk. Listen to them talk on the way to school, at dinner, during television shows, and when their friends are hanging out at your house.

My daughter always wanted to go to college. But as I think back, so did my son. As a child he dreamed of attending Harvard. He definitely had the brains and the ability to be accepted at that college, but I never encouraged him to follow that dream. I honestly didn’t think as a middle class family, we could afford to pay for it. I have since learned otherwise and that’s why I want to pass this information on to other parents who are struggling with motivating their sons and daughters to succeed in high school so they can succeed in college. The best teacher is ALWAYS experience!

The Common Application-Demystified

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Last night I sat down for an hour and watched a web presentation at College Week Live about the the Common Application. It was basically a question/answer session where the Director of Outreach for the Common Application gave a brief synopsis of what the Common Application was and then fielded questions that were posted online.

Here are the basic highlights:

  1. The Common Application service is COMPLETELY FREE and has a membership of 391 colleges.
  2. The busiest day of the year for the service is December 31st because students are trying to get in under the wire for the January 1 application deadlines.
  3. There is 24/7 online support, but NO telephone support. The average response time is 47 minutes via email.
  4. Your teachers and counselors can submit their recommendations and forms online if they choose.
  5. There are videos to help you with any questions you might have and an extensive knowledge base of articles.

Some Questions and Answers:

Q. Do colleges prefer their own application over the common application?

No. The common application and the college application are treated as equals. If a college is part of the Common Application membership, they receive it just as they receive their own college application.

Q. When can you start completing the application?

Each year the applications are purged (in the summer) to make room for new applications in the fall. You can get in and play with the applications, practice, familiarize yourself with it, whenever you choose. If you want to look at it as a freshman in high school, it’s perfectly acceptable because it will get purged in the summer. Once you are ready to apply to the colleges, you will want to do begin the process in the fall of the year you apply to prepare for submission.

Q. Why do some colleges add supplements and other do not?

The supplements give colleges the ability to gather information that they might consider unique to their institution. Some colleges need additional information, others find the application itself sufficient.

Q. Do you have to complete the common application AND the college’s application?

A. No. Once you complete the common application and submit it to the colleges you choose, you are finished.

Q. Do colleges prefer the online application or the paper one?

Colleges PREFER online applications over paper because it saves them time inputting data and enables them to share the information easily with others and read online. NOTE: DO NOT complete the online application and send a paper version. Do one or the other. It will complicate the situation and cause all sorts of problems with your application.

If you would like to view the hour long session, you can go to College Week Live, sign in and look for it in archived presentations.

What the Liberal Arts are NOT

Today’s guest blogger is from Maryville College: Dr. Jeffery Fager, Vice-President and Dean of the College. Maryville College is ideally situated in Maryville, Tenn., between the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and Knoxville, the state’s third largest city. Known for its academic rigor and its focus on the liberal arts, Maryville is where students come to stretch their minds, stretch themselves and learn how to make a difference in the world. Dr. Fager offers some interesting insight into a liberal arts education and debunks the myths surrounding liberal arts.

Those of us committed to liberal arts education seem to be fighting an uphill battle in communicating the true nature of the liberal arts. Perhaps the first task is to dispel some common misconceptions.

1 – The Liberal Arts are not related to the Democratic or Republican (or Libertarian) political parties

2 – The liberal Arts are not highly specific fields of knowledge that are limited to only certain areas of life.

3 – The Liberal Arts are not lofty musings disconnected from the “real world” where people must get jobs and live their lives.

Those myths now cast aside, what exactly are the Liberal Arts?

Originally there were seven liberal arts, divided into two sections known by their Latin names, the quadrivium (arithmetic, geometry, astronomy, and music) and the trivium (logic, grammar, and rhetoric). These areas of inquiry were considered appropriate for a free person (Latin: liber) in contrast to manual skills that were appropriate for slaves.

Obviously, things have changed over the centuries. Other disciplines were added to the list, and some of the traditional ones slipped away or were subsumed in the newer areas. During this century, many referred to the liberal arts as certain disciplines that were considered “traditional” as opposed to those areas that are associated with particular careers. In addition, colleges that referred to themselves as “liberal arts colleges” developed general education programs that consisted of a menu of courses in those traditional disciplines. We are familiar with them: English, History, Philosophy, Economics, Mathematics, Science, etc.

It is interesting to note that at the beginning of the twentieth century Harvard did not recognize Chemistry as a proper discipline for a true university; it was considered a “trade” skill. In recent decades scholars have recognized that to limit “the liberal arts” to a list of specific disciplines would not be adequate. Knowledge was changing too quickly, and disciplines did not separate into neat, mutually exclusive “silos.” Therefore, the language in higher education is shifting from “the liberal arts” to “liberal education.” We no longer speak of a static collection of knowledge to be memorized but a way of approaching the world–or, more accurately, several ways of approaching the world.

Liberal education involves different ways of analyzing questions or problems and developing answers or solutions. Each question or problem may lend itself to a particular method of analysis: scientific (natural and social), humanistic, artistic, empirical, philosophical. We must learn these different methods and gain the ability to discern their appropriate applications. In complex cases, several methods must be applied in order to achieve the best possible solution or answer. The liberally educated individual will have the tools to perform such a complex analysis.

In the case of Maryville College, where I enjoy the role of academic dean, our Maryville Curriculum is intentionally interdisciplinary and developmental, in that students take core courses in every year of their college experience, constantly reinforcing and extending their analytical skills. Even in the discipline-specific courses, while content is important, critical analysis of the content is crucial. All students bring their education to culmination in a senior research project, in which they apply all of these skills in creating a product appropriate to their respective major.

And isn’t that what the world demands today…multiple skill sets, complex analysis, the ability to think critically about an issue or situation and provide an ethical, effective idea or solution? The liberally educated individual—one who has experienced the depth and breadth of a liberal arts education—is able to engage with this world successfully, adapting with the changes and complexities it presents.

Those, my friends, are the Liberal Arts.

You can follow Maryville College on Twitter @stretchyourmind



University Parent-Your Parent Resource

I asked Sarah Schupp (founder of University Parent) to be a guest blogger and fill us in on the benefits of her Parent Guides from various colleges that you can view online and download. Her site is jam-packed with useful information for parents.

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UniversityParent.com partners with colleges and universities across the U.S. Our mission is to help parents easily find university and visitor information.

To this end, we have developed print and online guides for over 100 schools that provide detailed information on everything from where to stay when visiting your student, to a helpful list of frequently requested phone numbers. The university provides us with school specific information, such as: academic calendar, campus maps, articles about campus resources, managing finances, student life and tips for parents. To find this information, please visit, http://www.universityparent.com/online-guides and select your student’s school. You’ll find links on the left sidebar to the topics mentioned above. If you don’t see your student’s school listed, please email me at sarah@universityparent.com, and I’ll work on signing them up! If you’d like to download a PDF of the print guide, please visit: http://www.universityparent.com/downloads.

We also build a visitor guide with the help of the local convention and visitors bureau and the chamber of commerce. Our intent is to help parents easily navigate their student’s new community. If you’re planning a trip to your student’s campus, or want to send a birthday gift, check out the guide on the right sidebar. You can even book hotels right through our site!

We are working on building a community of college parents through our Facebook Fan Page, http://www.facebook.com/collegeparents and through our Twitter account, http://www.twitter.com/4collegeparents. Parent participation in the community helps us determine the types of issues parents are concerned about – and we try to address these on UniversityParent.com.

We hope these resources help nurture your connection and involvement in your student’s college experience!

About UniversityParent.com:

When the time came for my parents to visit me as a student at the University of Colorado, their anxieties heightened. They wanted to know where to stay, dine, and shop for last minute items they felt I couldn’t live without. They also wanted to know what activities they could do, or places they could visit while my orientation schedule kept me busy.

Although my campus offered a wide variety of useful information for visiting parents, we quickly learned that it was not compiled into one all-inclusive resource for easy and convenient use. My parents’ personal experience of a void of comprehensive information is what sparked this venture. The idea of producing a University Parent Guide began as my senior project through the Leeds School of Business Entrepreneurship Program at the University of Colorado, Boulder. After graduating in 2004, I pursued University Parent Media full-time. The University Parent Guide is now available at over 100 campuses nation-wide. This guide may not have been available when my parents needed it, but it is now! We hope you find it useful.

A Virtual College Fair: CollegeWeekLive

Times they are a’changin! When my kids were making those college decisions, we had to get in the car, head out to a college fair held at our local convention center, and fight our way through the crowds, hoping to snag some one on one time with the busy college representatives.

collegeweeklive

Today, you have another option. CollegeWeekLive.com offers a virtual college fair from November 4-7. It’s a GREAT opportunity to get the “inside scoop” from admissions professionals and even CHAT with college representatives and students. According to their website:

CollegeWeekLive attendees can watch admissions experts speak on topics such as how to prepare for the SAT, how to write a winning application essay or how to pay for college and have questions answered via live chat. Attendees can also video chat with college students and learn what campus life is really like. The event features scholarships and special promotions available only to those who attend.

And..here’s the BEST part. It’s ABSOLUTELY FREE. Click here to sign up and add events to your Outlook Calendar. What could be easier? I know I will be attending. And…if you’re a parent of a college-bound teen, you don’t want to miss it. It’s your opportunity to gain some knowledge and ask those questions you’ve been saving for the experts.

Mark your calendars and don’t miss a single session. This is an invaluable resource for parents and college-bound teens.

College Admissions Essays

 

According to a recent article in the NY Times–The Choice, the college essay should be looked at like “a first date”. Chad Hemmelgarn, an English teacher at Bexley High School, in Columbus Ohio, said, “It’s kind of like a first date. You’re telling us the stuff that makes you special.” He was speaking as part of a panel at an annual forum in New York sponsored by The College Board.

When you think about it, that’s a great analogy. The essay is a way for you to let the admissions committee get to know you and an opportunity for you to focus on your strengths. Here are some tips that Mr. Hemmelgarn recommends that your teen can use when approaching the essay:

  1. Write some sample essays using actual questions from college applications–Look at the actual college applications for those questions and topics.
  2. Divide the essays into two categories: Why you? and Why us?–Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you (Why you?); Why are you considering our University (Why us?).
  3. Write as many essays as you can for practice–Have them evaluated by a teacher, your parents, and/or your counselor.
  4. Do your research if necessary and always answer the question–The college is looking to find something out about you and ascertain how you will be a good fit for their community of students.
  5. Don’t let your parents write the essay–Admissions counselors can spot those immediately and it’s a good way to have your application put in the “rejection” stack.

As a parent college coach, it’s your responsibility to guide your teen throughout the application process. Offer encouragement and feedback on their essay content. Help them brainstorm about a topic to use. Encourage them to spend some time thinking about what they want colleges to know about them.

And remember: Preparation Prevents Panic!

Back to School: Time to get Organized

back to schoolSchool has begun for most of the country and parents are getting back in the routine: morning breakfasts, packing lunches, dropping off at school, chauffeuring their kids for after-school activities, and attending teacher conferences and  PTA meetings in the evening.  Believe it or not, I miss those days. But what I don’t miss is all the chaos. And with teenagers, there is always chaos.

The only way to survive that chaos is to formulate an organization plan. Start by making a resolution to streamline the paperwork the minute it comes home: student guidelines, school manuals, meeting announcements, homework assignments, and any papers that require a parent signature.

There are several “landing” places that we all use: the kitchen table, our teen’s bedroom floor, our kids backpacks, and somewhere  in our car.  These all cause us much heartache later as we scramble around at 7:30 am for the required permission slip  as we are running out the door.

Resolve NOW to have a place for every school related piece of paper that makes its way into your home.

  1. Create a simple filing system using a crate, a box, or file cabinet with school related tabs and folders.
  2. Get yourself a large write on calendar for school activities.
  3. Set up a special “landing” place with a magnet board or bulletin board to keep the papers requiring parent signatures visible.
  4. Encourage your teen to participate in the process by emptying their backpack every afternoon of all important papers.

Before you know it they will be receiving notices of college fairs, booklets with SAT/ACT information, announcements from counselors about scholarship opportunities, and notices of college information nights at PTA meetings. Starting the process early when school begins will get you moving in a positive direction and prevent chaos in the mornings as you walk out the door.

And remember: Preparation Prevents Panic!

Back to School Party

momrnCome and join me tomorrow at 1p.m. central time for a Back to School Party with another mom, MomRN Tamara Walker. Tune in early at 12 p.m. for some other great back to school tips and giveaways.

MomRN will be giving away a Parents Countdown to College Toolkit ($147 value) to some lucky listener so you won’t want to miss this!

Meet you on the call or on the web! Just click the link below to join in.

MomRN’s Back to School Party

What type of Parent College Coach are you?

 

 

parent communicationsEach of us has a unique personality that will influence the way we coach our teens. The key is to find yourself, recognize your weaknesses, identify your strengths and adapt to provide your college-bound teen with the best coaching possible.

The “let me do it for you” parent

Always remember, the college search and application process is a teen project. You can help, but don’t do it all for them. They need to be involved and when those admissions letters arrive they will own that accomplishment.

The “over-anxious” parent

Knowledge is power-if you have the tools and know the facts you’re anxiety will decrease and you will be less likely to pass that along to your teen.

The “pushy” parent

The best way to handle your over-achiever personality is through organization. If you work with your teen to get them organized and they are aware of the deadlines, you won’t have to be that pushy parent.

The “my dreams are your dreams” parent

The quickest way to ensure failure in college is to send your teen off to a place where they feel pressured to succeed at something they never truly wanted to pursue. If you have unfulfilled dreams, find something you can pursue yourself that will satisfy that passion; and encourage your teen to walk their own path.

The “I’ll think about that tomorrow” parent

The problem with this philosophy is that it won’t work with deadlines, and the college maze is all about the deadlines. Preparation and organization are keys to overcoming procrastination. Thinking about it tomorrow will only lead to frustration, disappointment, and regret.

The “uninvolved” parent

It’s great to expect them to be responsible, but you and I both know that teenagers will be teenagers. Their minds and lives are headed in hundreds of different directions and staying on task can sometimes be inconceivable. It’s your goal to steer them back on course and help them reach their final goal.

The best case scenario:

The “well-balanced” parent

The well-balanced parent utilizes the best organizational tools to help their college-bound teen stay focused and on track. This is the type of parent coach we should all strive to become. You balance coaching, encouragement and guidance with information gathering, organization and goal setting. Your teen does not stress about deadlines because you have sat down together and created a calendar of upcoming scholarship applications, college entrance tests, activities, and school related events. You and your teen are confident and aware of the course you have set together and assured that because you are prepared and organized, the end result will be that your teen is able to reach their goals of college acceptance. You have planned ahead concerning the financial process and have utilized all the tools available to assure an impressive financial aid award package from the colleges where applications are submitted. You coach without pushing, pressuring or stressing out and your teen knows that they have your support and can look to you for positive feedback.

Which type of parent college coach are you?

Staying Connected With Your Teen

teenagersIt doesn’t matter how close you were before they entered high school, the tension always mounts and the temptation is to drift apart. It takes a concerted effort on your part to stay in touch with their world. They are naturally moving toward independence and we are naturally grasping to keep them from growing up. And thus begins the ying and yang of parent/teenager relationships.

During high school your teens will experience every form of human emotion: joy, sadness, rejection, fear of failure, excitement, disappointment, heartache, love, and the list goes on and on. Most of the emotions are extreme and always seem like the end of the world to them. It’s hard to convey to them that “this too shall pass” and they will realize as they get older that their life is just beginning.

They are looking ahead to the future while living in the present. Keeping on track and keeping their eyes on the prize (graduation and college) can be challenging. As their parent coach and encourager, and the all-knowing, all-wise adult in their life, it’s up to you to stay connected and help them maintain their focus.

Here are a few of my own tips to help you stay connected with your teen:

Find that time when you can sit with them and listen. This is not easy, because many teens rarely sit still for very long to have a conversation. I would sit in my daughter’s room while she picked out her clothes and dressed to go out. You’ll be amazed at how much information you can gather if you simply listen.

Share something they enjoy. It might not be your choice of activities, but if you share a common interest it gives you something to talk about. An activity as simple as watching their favorite television show with them, or making a trip to the mall to search for the all-important clothing purchase will offer opportunities for you to listen and for them to open up to you about their lives.

Let them make mistakes, but be there when they do. Allowing them to make choices and experience the consequences of those choices will prepare them for those times when you aren’t there to tell them what to do.

Pick your battles. It’s easy as a parent to constantly give advice, even to the point of overly controlling their lives. Save those showdowns for the biggies: drinking, smoking, drugs, and sex. Don’t stress so much over their clothing choices or their hair styles. They are teenagers. They want to fit in. If you’re not always battling them over the small things, they will be more receptive when you do put your foot down.

Staying connected with your teen can be challenging, but the rewards far outweigh the difficulties. When your teen turns to you and finally says, “thanks Mom” or “thanks Dad”, it’s all worth it!