Tag Archives: parenting

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Watch for Pre-College Anxiety This Summer

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pre-college anxiety

High school graduation is here and parents are proudly snapping photos, bragging about which college their student will attend, and basking in the fact that they raised a successful high school graduate. Then comes the summer before college . . .

Right now, your student is probably looking forward to “gelling” during the summer: spending time with friends free from the worries and stresses of the past year. Some students will be looking forward with anticipation to the fall and becoming a college student. But others might be experiencing noticeable pre-college anxiety about this next big step.

It happened in my house. My daughter dreamed of going to college in Boston. She worked hard during high school and her dream became a reality. The campus was gorgeous, the academics were superb, and the student body was a perfect fit for her. The icing on the cake was the many Greek organizations on campus. Her grandmother was a Zeta and she always dreamed of following in her footsteps in college.

But as the summer dragged on, I began to notice measurable hesitancy on her part. She didn’t want to discuss the topic of college. She started voicing thoughts of transferring after the first semester to a college in her home state. She didn’t want to start discussing dorm specifics or communicate with her future roommate. What was happening?

If you start seeing any red flags like these, you should ask yourself, “What’s really going on?” Is it simply nervousness related to the change? Is there another person or persons influencing her sudden change in mood or direction? Is she truly changing her mind about college and you need to discuss other options with her?

Once you diagnose the problem, it should be easier to determine what action you need to take.

I’ve outlined the six red flags in this article I wrote for Teen Life Magazine: Watch for These 6 Red Flags the Summer Before College. If your student is exhibiting any of these symptoms, take action. Don’t assume they will pass. Start a non-judgmental conversation and listen to what he is feeling.

My daughter and I were able to find the cause of her problem and I was able to ease her concerns. Just because the decision was made in May to go to college, keep an eye out during the summer before college for any signs of pre-college anxiety.

book reviews, parenting

10 Books for Parents of Soon-to-Be College Students

 

books for parentsIt’s graduation gift time. High school students are graduating with aspirations of college in the fall. Graduation gift guides are dominating the online world. But why not treat yourself to a few gifts that will help you with the transition from high school to college?

These books for parents should provide great summer reading and future reference as your teen heads to college in the fall:

Naked Roommate: For Parents Only

If your child is starting life in college, there’s a surprise around every corner…But that doesn’t mean you can’t be prepared! This book is a witty and wise guide to everything you need to know about the college experience. Harlan Cohen, America’s most trusted college life expert, delivers the best advice, facts, stats, tips, and stories from parents, students, and experts across the country to ensure that you and your child will have an incredible and meaningful college experience.

 

Parents of College Students Survival Stories

Wendy David-Gaines, the author, is famous for exposing the cliches about college. After giving the cliche, she gives you the “POCS reality”. In her book, Wendy does this effectively by compiling actual parent stories. The stories (both from pre-POCS and POCS) are simple, light-hearted, often humorous and an easy read. But here’s the clincher–they provide parents with added insight into each individual situation.

 

University Parent Guide to Supporting Your Student’s Freshman Year

This guide is divided into time segments throughout your student’s first year of college: summer, early fall, late fall, and spring. Each division provides parents with all the information they need help their student through each segment of the first year of college.

The summer segment (Get Ready), deals with topics related to the changes you will face as your role changes, what to expect at orientation, roommates, budgeting, and campus culture. The fall segment (Settling In), discusses topics like move-in day, greek life, parent visits, and how to deal with struggling students. The late fall segment (Adjusting), deals with care packages, holidays, diet and exercise, studying abroad. The spring segment (Looking Forward), talks about sophomore topics like housing, student stress, transferring and student loans. The final chapter gives you areas to write down phone numbers, important dates and a typical 4-year checklist.

 

Secrets of a Financial Aid Pro

Jodi Okun’s book launched today and the presales put it on the Amazon #1 Best Seller list. This book is more than help for financial aid questions. In it you can find out how to give your student the financial skills they’ll need for life, with talking points and scripts to help you with important conversations you need to have before college. Jodi provides parents with expert advice and in this book shares her experiences of helping parents pay for college.

 

Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years

This bestselling guide has already helped hundreds of thousands of parents over the past decade, and it remains one of the best guides for parents of new college students. Now in its fourth edition, this guide is based on the real-world experiences of students and parents. It’s filled with practical, compassionate, and timely college tips for parents going through the college experience.

 

Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years

This book offers a whimsical, humorous, but also practical guide for parents with college-bound children. Featuring real-life examples and dialogues, the author provides parents with need-to-know fundamentals as their student goes off to college.

 

You’re On Your Own (But I’m Here if You Need Me)

Many parents struggle with setting the appropriate boundaries for their college students and this book can be a big help. Marjorie Savage has some of the best college tips for parents on how to respect a student’s boundaries while still providing emotional support.

 

From Mom to Me Again

When her children left for college, Melissa Shultz was certain that she had prepared them well for their new lives-but her own life was a different matter entirely. Her house was empty, her purpose unclear. If her life was no longer dominated by the day-to-day demands of being “Mom,” then who exactly was she? And how would she ever move forward? Shultz’s struggle with the empty nest and the transformation of her marriage, friendships, career, and ultimately herself, is part memoir and part self-help guide.

 

How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success

In this book, Julie Lythcott-Haims draws on research, on conversations with admissions officers, educators, and employers, and on her own insights as a mother and as a student dean to highlight the ways in which overparenting harms children, their stressed-out parents, and society at large. While empathizing with the parental hopes and, especially, fears that lead to overhelping, Lythcott-Haims offers practical alternative strategies that underline the importance of allowing children to make their own mistakes and develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success.

 

Debt Free U

Zac Bissonnette has seen the currently flawed system first hand. He’s a contrarian, and his book is packed with studies and statistics to back up his analysis. It’s a magical combination that college-bound students and their parents should read, even if there’s plenty of money set aside to pay the tuition tab. There’s no harm in learning ways to get the biggest bang for your buck and the best education available at the same time.

parenting

How to Discuss Risky Behavior in College Without Lecturing

 

risky behavior

Graduation day is approaching for parents of high school seniors. It’s been a long four years. The last year has been especially trying (and exciting) for those parents whose teens are heading for college after graduation.

With all the college preparations ahead this summer, there is an uncomfortable, and often dreaded, task of talking about college drinking, hooking up, and other risky behavior. Let’s face it: no teenager wants to be lectured. Especially when she is on the cusp of becoming an adult (or so she thinks). Ask any teenager and they will tell you parents are experts at lecturing. Most tune it out (so they say) because for the last 18 years they have been told what to do and what not to do.

Knowing this, how do you discuss risky behavior in college without lecturing?

Listen. It’s hard to do in the fast paced world we live in. But find a time when your teen likes to talk. For my daughter it was while she was getting dressed to go out with friends. I sat in her room and listened to her talk about life, love, and other teenage passions. I not only listened, I learned a lot—about her dreams, her friends, her fears and yes, her behavior.

Next, open a discussion. Once the topic of risky behavior comes up, whatever it may be, the door is opened. For my son, he was telling me about one of his friends that was high all the time. Instead of lecturing him about the “dangers of drug abuse”, I asked him what he thought about it. He was more than willing to discuss it and that gave me the opportunity to share my opinion without lecturing.

Finally, look for opportunities to insert advice into the conversations you have with your teen. This may be while watching a television program, at the dinner table, in the car after a movie, or after a long night out with friends. I found both my children were willing to “spill the beans” after coming home from a date or a night out with friends. Take advantage of their willingness to talk.

Your teen will observe risky behavior before going to college. You can bank on it. How she or he views that behavior will determine how they respond when they are alone at college. Your observations and your non-lecturing advice will be valuable and, believe it or not, remembered when they find themselves in risky situations.

Teenagers (and adults) dread those words, “We need to talk”. Avoid lecturing at all costs. Insert your wisdom and advice into the opportune moments instead. Be stealth. Be sneaky. But most of all, be their parent.

To prepare yourself for these conversations, check out these blog posts:

Talking to Your Student About Drinking in College

Top 10 Things Every Parent Should Know about “Hooking Up”

college planning, college prep, parenting

Who Says Moms Don’t Work?

 

moms

This article originally appeared on Smart College Visit as my Parent College Coach Tip of the week. 

George W. Bush got some flack over comments he made during a Presidential debate regarding his presidency—“it’s hard work”. Mainly because he said it over and over again. If you’re the mom of a college-bound teen you know how he feels—“it’s hard work”. Moms deserve a medal and more than one special day a year. After dealing with conflict, emotions, stress and tough decisions during college prep it’s easy to be overwhelmed and exhausted.

Who says moms of college-bound teens don’t work? Most have two jobs–one in the home and one in the workforce!

Here are 20 jobs every mom of a college-bound student performs.

  1. Head Cheerleader and College Coach
  2. Organization Expert (for all the high school awards, past essays, report cards, and college material)
  3. Taxi Driver (to and from sporting events and college fairs)
  4. Life Coach (guiding to make the right college choice based on fit)
  5. Anger Management Coach (during the many heated discussions over college)
  6. Family Therapist (intervention at least once a week}
  7. Errand Runner (for all those college-related tasks)
  8. English Teacher (specializing proofreading and editing of essays)
  9. Finance Manager (planning for all college costs)
  10. Personal Assistant (staying on top of deadlines, application submissions, test prep booking)
  11. Personal Shopper (preparing for the inevitable move-out day)
  12. Travel Agent (making arrangements for all college visits)
  13. Event Coordinator (specializing in all senior celebrations)
  14. Sleep Scientist (making sure your teen gets enough sleep and providing late night study support as needed)
  15. Safety Patrol (watching for any risky behavior to address before college)
  16. PhD in Reverse Psychology (especially before and after the college decision)
  17. Separation Anxiety Counselor (preparing for college move-in day)
  18. Parent Mediator (running interference between all the well-meaning advice and what your teen really wants and needs)
  19. Scholarship Coach (this will require many hours of searching and constant motivation)
  20. Investment Counselor (completing the FAFSA, deciphering the award letter, deciphering student loans based on college ROI)

After reading these tasks, no wonder you’re exhausted! But one day, your teen will appreciate everything you did for him. One day.

 

college guidance, parenting

5 Parenting Lessons from The Hecks of “The Middle”

 

parenting lessons

If you are part of a middle class family, it’s easy to relate to the Hecks. Frankie and Mike struggle with everything middle class parents do: paying the bills, balancing expenses, and trying to raise children who aspire to college. Their parenting style is not for everyone, but within the hilarity and the sometimes questionable choices they make, we can find some relevant truth.

This show is a mirror into every parent’s struggles, battles, and parenting nightmares. Their oldest son can never get his head in the game. Their daughter lives in her own little world but strives for greatness. And their youngest son struggles with a lack of social skills. But somehow, they manage to make us laugh and cry watching their crazy life.

Watching the show for seven years, I’ve realized that Frankie and Mike can teach us a great deal about parenting. Here are five parenting lessons from “The Middle”:

  1. Find a parenting balance

Mike and Frankie’s philosophy is to let life happen. Their children often fend for themselves and are expected to remind their parents of every school activity. Because of this, it’s common for the family to be late, for the parents to forget, and for the children to miss out on opportunity. Instead of staying on top of deadlines, activities and events, they depend on their children to remind them.

Uninvolved parents are the antithesis of the helicopter parent. We should always seek a balance between the two. Stay involved enough to be the coach and the guide, but back off enough to allow your children to exert some independence.

  1. Always encourage your children to pursue their goals

The Heck’s daughter, Sue, is an extrovert and a dreamer. She dreams big, fails at most things, but continues to try. Although her parents know she’s never going to be a varsity cheerleader or homecoming queen, they never tell her to stop trying. She learns some tough lessons about life and her successes are more meaningful because she committed and never gave up.

  1. Even when it seems you’ve failed as a parent, there is always hope

The Heck’s oldest son, Axl, is a charmer, with absolutely no motivation. Try as they might, they could never seem to impress upon him the importance of doing your best and striving for excellence. Since he is a charmer, he charmed his way out of some pretty desperate situations. But as time has passed, he has grown as a person and has begun to see the potential in a college degree.

  1. Even in a family that struggles financially, college is an option

Neither Mike nor Frankie have a college education. But they knew they wanted their children to have that opportunity. Their plan for Axl was to get an athletic scholarship. For Sue, they knew her grades were her ticket and expected a good financial aid package. Both first generation students were accepted to college and received enough financial aid to attend. The parents never gave up on encouraging their children, even though they knew there would be challenges financially.

  1. Even though you can’t wait for your kids to leave for college, you will miss them when they are gone

This scenario has played out numerous times during the last few seasons. Frankie and Mike’s goal has always been for their children to finally leave home. Now that two of them have gone off to college, they are feeling the pains of the empty nest, especially with Sue. Their youngest son is still at home, but entering high school. The reality that someday soon they will be all alone is a quite an accomplishment, but it’s also a tough pill to swallow. There are days when they welcome the silence in the house, and then there are days when they worry because they haven’t heard from either child in the last 24 hours.

If you’ve never watched “The Middle” and you have college-bound teens, spend 30 minutes a week with the Hecks. You will laugh, commensurate and cry with this typical family. If you have Hulu, you can binge watch all seven seasons and watch the progression of their lives.

college guidance, parenting

How I Helped My Daughter Choose College Over a Boyfriend

 

choose college

I will never forget how it felt when my daughter announced, “I don’t think I will go away to college.” My stomach went into knots. My heart broke. My mouth dropped. Panic arose within every fiber of my being; but I didn’t speak. My mind was going in a hundred different directions; but I remained calm. Thinking back, I have no idea why I didn’t immediately start freaking out.

What would make an academically motivated, hard-working senior with a dream of attending college in Boston change her mind? A boy. What else? During the second half of her senior year she met a boy. He was kind, sweet, loving, and very romantic. He plied her with flowers, daily love notes, and phone calls declaring his love. He also began begging her to stay. It started simply with an “I will miss you” and transitioned to talk of marriage.

How could I possibly compete with the “M” word? How would I convince my daughter that college was more important than a boyfriend? How could I explain to her that he was probably the first of many and there was a big world out there waiting for her to explore?

The first step to convince her that college was the best choice, was to start a conversation. The first thing I did was ask her, “Why, after all this time, and all your hard work, would you change your mind?” At first, she gave me a multitude of excuses, from being afraid to move so far from home to missing me to having to leaver her friends. But eventually, she admitted it was her boyfriend.

Instead of bad-mouthing him and telling her he should not be pressuring her, I turned the conversation toward these three topics: the reason you wanted to go away to college, the realities of losing all your financial aid, and the importance of choosing your own path in life. After a few days of tears and logical evaluation, my arguments prevailed. She agreed to stick with the plan and go away to college.

It is important to note that I did not lose my cool. I didn’t argue. I didn’t yell. I didn’t make her feel her opinion was silly or stupid or illogical. She was now an adult and would have to make her own decisions. I simply guided her toward the right choice.

Getting her to college was one thing. I thought that once she made the decision, she would move on. But the first day of freshman week, she announced that she would give it a try and transfer if it didn’t work. Translated: if the long distance relationship doesn’t work, I will move back home and go to college there.

But I knew something she didn’t know. College offered her so much more than being stuck in a long-distance relationship with a boy who was still in high school. It wasn’t two weeks before she met someone else and decided that college was a good place after all. By the time spring break rolled around, her boyfriend was ancient history and college and its experiences became the focus of her life.

careers, parenting

Should Every Child Go to College?

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college

I published this article about five years ago, but I feel it’s content is still true today. Too many parents push students to go to college when they are not prepared either academically, emotionally or financially. So many students go and fail because college is simply not for them.

_____________________

I read an article a few years ago in The Atlantic: “In the Basement of the Ivory Tower“, that gave me some food for thought. It’s been on my mind for quite awhile, especially since I have a close friend who is a financial aid counselor at one of those infamous “for profit” colleges.

She would answer my leading question with a loud and emphatic, “NO”, based on her experience dealing with those who are not prepared to attend college and don’t understand the consequences of borrowing money they can’t pay back. They have been convinced that without a college education, they can’t get a job or pursue a career. They’ve been told by someone that it doesn’t matter how much money you borrow as long as you get that degree. Once you get that degree you can earn enough money to pay back what you’ve borrowed. But we all know that’s not often the case.

In the above mentioned article, the English professor makes an interesting point:

America, ever-idealistic, seems wary of the vocational-education track. We are not comfortable limiting anyone’s options. Telling someone that college is not for him seems harsh and classist and British, as though we were sentencing him to a life in the coal mines. I sympathize with this stance; I subscribe to the American ideal.

Sending everyone under the sun to college is a noble initiative. Academia is all for it, naturally. Industry is all for it; some companies even help with tuition costs. Government is all for it; the truly needy have lots of opportunities for financial aid. The media applauds it—try to imagine someone speaking out against the idea. To oppose such a scheme of inclusion would be positively churlish.

I’ve come to realize that Americans truly are snobs. We brag about what we have and what we have obtained. Like it or not, we are a classist society. We snub our noses at those who haven’t been to college and brag heavily about our numerous degrees as if they are badges of honor. And while graduating from college is an accomplishment, so is learning a trade.

Often, we push our kids to attend college when we know it’s not for them. Why? Because we are a society that measures success by the number of degrees hanging on a wall or the dollar signs that can be found on our bank accounts. It is noble to dream big and education is always a noble goal. But so is being a plumber, a carpenter, a cosmetologist or a civil servant like a police officer or fireman.

What’s my point? My point is that you need to know your child. If they want to go to college and have the skills and knowledge they need to be successful there, then encourage them to go. But if they aren’t interested or motivated, save yourself some heartache, disappointment and money by letting them pursue a trade or career and even consider a college that offers both. There are so many fabulous careers out there that they can do without higher education. You will be happier, they will be happier and they will fill an important role in society. College really isn’t for child.

college guidance, college planning, mom approved tips, parenting

Filtering Out the Voices of Other Parents

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voices of other parents

If you have a high school senior or junior you know the college pressure. Unfortunately, it’s not always with your student. Parents feel extreme pressure and they often feel alone with the feelings of inadequacy and dread. This is the time in your child’s life when the rubber hits the road. The last 11 or 12 years of school come down to one huge question: what will they do after high school?

Why do parents feel pressure? It’s quite simple—there is parent peer pressure. Parents who roll their eyes or are completely floored when you say your child hasn’t decided about college. Parents who compare notes, throwing out names like Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, Yale and other Ivy league colleges. Parents who wear those names as badges of honor and claim success as a parent based on their child’s college prospects. Parents who can foot the bill for the entire cost of college and let it be known at every college related gathering.

How can you filter out the voices of other parents? Take a step back and look at the reality of what is happening with your teenager. It’s your job to help him make some tough decisions. These might not include traditional college. It might involve going to community college for two years. It could mean exploring career or technical colleges. Your child might benefit from a gap year abroad or working at an internship to get a better career focus. The military could also be an option for some students, as it was for my son.

Just as no two individuals are alike, no two post graduation scenarios are either. Don’t feel intimidated by other parents to push your student toward a specific college just so you can have bragging rights. This is not a competition. Your child must make this decision for himself and be happy with his choice.

Filter everything by asking, “What is best for my child and my family?” It doesn’t matter what path other students take. Your student must take the path that is best for him. You have not failed as a parent if your student does not get into an Ivy league college or a top-tiered school on the America’s Best Colleges list. You have not failed as a parent if your child chooses other post-graduation paths to find his place in life. You have failed if you don’t listen and guide your student toward happiness and fulfillment. Ultimately, what matters most is that he makes a decision based on what is best for him.

Don’t push your child to attend a “name” college that you cannot afford, saddling both yourself and your student with debt. There are plenty of great colleges in this country that are bargains, offer substantial merit aid, and often opportunities to attend for free. Your student will thank you when he graduates with minimal or no debt and realizes that the degree from a state college is just as valued as a degree from an Ivy league university.

Peer pressure comes in all forms. Parents can’t help but brag on their children. And every parent feels that the choices their teenagers make after high school will dictate their future. Remind yourself that the years after high school are about exploration and discovery. However your child chooses to pursue them, be proud and support his choice. When you hear the “voices” in your head telling you otherwise, remember what my mom used to say to me, “Just because she jumped off a bridge, it doesn’t mean you have to.”

mom approved tips, parenting

Prepping Your Student for the Emotions of College

 

emotions of collegeMuch has been written about preparing for college: college visits, essays, financial aid, college applications, and all the college-related tasks. But preparing your teen for college is so much more than the admissions tasks. You give your child a helping hand when riding a bike. Why would you not prepare your student for the emotions of college?

Your child needs some “mean” emotional skills before move-in day, as evidenced by all the college kids calling their parents to say, “I don’t like it here. Can I come home?”.

We can all learn some lessons from today’s college students and their parents. Before your student leaves for college, add these to your college prep list:

Teach him to self-advocate

It could happen on the first day of college. Your student needs help. He needs to speak with an advisor. Talk with a professor. Have a conversation with the RA. If he constantly runs to you for help in high school, how will he ever learn to advocate for himself? Before he leaves, let him practice. When a situation arises that you would normally resolve for him, let him have the reigns. He will be faced with multiple situations in college when this skill will come in handy.

Teach him to resolve conflict

Roommate conflict is the number one reason students are unhappy the first few weeks of college. Being placed with a roommate that does not match your student’s personality and habits can be overwhelming. Let your student resolve conflict while living at home. Encourage him to work things out with his siblings. When a problem with a friend, teacher or other adult arises, give him the chance to resolve the conflict. Teach him to start with the source and if the conflict is not resolved, move on to the next available source of help: i.e student, teacher, principal, superintendent. If he goes to college with this emotional skill he will be less likely to “phone home” every time a conflict with someone arises.

Encourage him to find and use a support group

Students who sit in their room alone day after day will not survive in college. They need a support group: friends to turn to when they are homesick or struggling. The social aspect of college is key to surviving four years away from home. Before he leaves for college, encourage him to make friends, meet new people, and develop some social skills. Going to college far from the comfort of home and not knowing anyone can be a deal-breaker for the shy, uninvolved student.

Teach him to recognize dangerous behavior and avoid it

There are going to be opportunities in college to participate in dangerous behavior: drinking, drugs, hooking up, and reckless driving to name a few. Give him the tools he needs to recognize and avoid the consequences of these behaviors. For instance, students do not have to drink to party with friends. They don’t need to avoid parties just because there is drinking. You can have fun without getting wasted. Before leaving for college teach him to recognize this type of behavior and makes plans to avoid them.

Send him places without you

So many first time college students have never been away from home without parents. Make it a practice to encourage summer camps and traveling with trusted friends. A few weeks away from home gives them a taste of what life is like on their own. These trips away also give them a chance to be on their own and make decisions as they go through their day. It’s structured, but not so much that they are sheltered by their family.

Preparing your student for the emotional aspect of college will be best for him and for you. If he’s ready to venture out on his own, you will be less stressed about dropping him off on move-in day. And you most likely won’t receive the dreaded phone call: “I want to come home.”

mom approved tips, parenting

Saying Goodbye to Your College Bound Teen

 

saying goodbyeLetting go. It’s never easy. You and your student have worked hard to get to this day. The last year, especially, has been filled with excitement, stress, and anticipation of what the future would bring. The day is now here and you wonder why you ever encouraged her to go away to college. She may not say it, but she is most likely terrified of leaving home and wonders how she will be able to live apart from you. Emotions transition from anticipation to dread to sadness as you drop her off at college and say goodbye.

All the questions

Although it’s hard for the student, it’s incredibly hard for parents. How do you say goodbye? How do you let go after 18 years of nurturing? How can you possibly tell her everything she needs to know? How will she survive without your constant supervision?

If you’ve done your job, and I’m sure you have, she’s ready. She knows how to make the right choices. She knows how to study, stay organized, and set priorities. She knows how to take care of herself and how to ask for help if she needs it. And most importantly, she knows she can call home anytime for your love and support. She will be on her own, but your words and everything she knows about life are imbedded in her mind and when she needs them, she can pull them up at a moment’s notice.

Both my son and daughter can attest to that fact. There were numerous times that they heard my voice say, “Think before you act, make study a priority, and choose your friends wisely.”

Preparing for the inevitable

The last few months have been hard. Tempers have most likely flared. You’ve been frustrated with her lack of concern about preparation. You haven’t understood why she has been pulling away from the family at times. These are all part of her growing independence and her preparation for living on her own. But as much as she pulls away, she still needs you.

Before you leave for college, find a time to discuss how you want to handle move-in day. Does she want you to help move in and leave? Will she need help unpacking or does she want to do it herself? Does she want to have dinner and then say goodbye? Since emotions will run high, it’s best to make a plan in advance, mostly for your sake. If you know what to expect, you will be able to prepare and you won’t feel rejected when she says a quick goodbye.

Saying goodbye

Remember that Parents Weekend is coming up. It won’t be long before you see her again. Don’t make this an overly-emotional goodbye and cry buckets of tears in front of her. If you must, do it in the car on the drive home (that’s what I did). She will already be stressed and overwhelmed with the whole scenario. The last thing she needs is for you to make it difficult for her to say goodbye.

Your heart will break. A part of you is leaving and moving on to adulthood. It’s normal for you to feel all the emotions you are feeling. Just feel them after you say goodbye.

This too shall pass

These were four of my mother’s favorite words. She was right. Time heals and watching her grow, mature, and move toward her future eases the pain of loss. Phone calls, texts, and visits help both of you transition gradually and before long, she will be home for the winter break and the summer.

Only a mother knows how hard this day is. Only a mother feels that loss and emptiness when they wave goodbye and you drive away. Only a mother knows that life has changed forever in your home and in your family. But be encouraged, you are not alone. There are millions of others who have felt what you are feeling and understand your pain. Reach out to them and seek comfort. Believe me, it will help just being able to share your emotions with someone who knows what you are feeling.

Here’s a great group that has helped so many moms deal with this transition:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/universityparent/

Join it, read the past posts, and start talking. Saying goodbye to your college bound teen doesn’t have to be the end, it’s just the beginning.

For more insight into the goodbye perspective, read Wendy’s post:

The College-bound Goodbye Perspective