Category Archives: parenting

mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: What are you communicating to your teenager?

 

communicating to your teenagerYou know the drill. You feel you have to stay on them for every little thing or it won’t get accomplished. After all, they are only teenagers and can’t possibly manage on their own. Reality check—they better learn how to because once they leave the nest they will be expected to act like responsible adults (well, most of the time). Now we all know that’s a tall order for an 18 year old, but you have to let them spread their wings if you don’t want a 30+ year old living at home with you. What are you communicating to your teenager?

Let’s examine what you say, what you mean, and what your teenager hears:

What you say: I expect you to go to college.

What you mean: I want you to be able to compete in today’s job market by getting a good education and have some great college experiences.

What your teen hears: If you don’t go, I will be disappointed in you.

How do you fix this miscommunication? Ask them how they see their future. Talk to them about their interests and the courses they enjoy in high school. Let them tell you what they want and help them understand that in order to accomplish it they will need a good education. Assure them that whatever their decision, you will always love and support them.

What you say: Don’t you think you should spend some time studying for the SAT?

What you mean: You want them to be prepared for the test and not be disappointed by their scores, especially if it affects their college acceptances.

What your teen hears: You really don’t study enough and your score will sufffer.

Every high school student feels pressured to do well; not just from parents but from their peers. If you see they are struggling because they don’t understand or seem frustrated with the material, consider hiring a tutor. Tutors are surprisingly affordable and will take all the pressure off them and help you to relax about SAT prep.

What you say: Do you think you are spreading yourself too thin? 

What you mean: You know that if your child overcommits to things they will be stressed and overwhelmed, which will ultimately affect academics. You are concerned that fatigue will also be a factor as well.

What your teen hears: You are involved in too many activities and it’s going to hurt your studies.

Before the school year begins, discuss activities and schedules with your students. If you schedule time for academics, extracurriculars and entertainment,  along with some time for college prep, this conversation won’t happen nearly as often. And your child won’t feel overwhelmed and stressed.

What you say: It would be great if you would spend some time searching for scholarships.

What you mean: College is expensive and every extra dollar you can get will help pay tuition.

What your teen hears: You can’t go to college if you don’t win some scholarships.

Before you begin the college admissions process sit down with your student and discuss finances. Explain to them what you are willing to contribute to college financially and what you expect them to do as well. Once that discussion is out of the way your teen will understand your financial situation and also see that they are responsible to do their part.

What you say: I hardly see you anymore. It would be nice if you were home more often.

What you mean: I can’t believe you will be leaving soon and I’m already starting to miss you. We don’t have much time and I want to make the most of it.

What your teen hears: You spend too much time with your friends.

Make it a family rule for everyone to have dinner together. Schedule a family game night and make attendance mandatory. If necessary, schedule a father/daughter or mother/son date night, a girls night out, or a boys night out. Scheduling these times help to draw the family close and cement the relationships that you share with them.

Communication is key in the parent/teen relationship. Find time to talk, even if it’s in the car or over a quick snack or during dinner preparation. You will be surprised at the wealth of information you will learn when you’re not asking questions but listening. And sometimes, it’s more information than you care to hear (TMI)!

mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-approved tips: The ups and downs of raising a senior

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Every Monday I will be sharing my personal (and experiential) tips to help parents survive the college admissions process. It’s my hope that this series will encourage you that you are not alone and even give you a chuckle as you relate. Can’t remember to check back? Subscribe to my blog on the left and you will receive my posts in your email.

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parent and studentSummer is winding down and parents and students are preparing for the new school year. For seniors, it’s their last big hurrah before heading off to college. They are at the top of the food chain and excited to walk on campus as seniors. After all, they’ve earned the right!

As any parent will tell you, stress and seniors go hand in hand. Add that to anxiousness, frustration and over-commitment and you have a recipe for disaster at home. Tempers rise and everyone’s emotions are volatile. If you’ve learned anything over the last 17 years, it’s how to choose your fights—letting the unimportant matters slide to focus on the more important ones.

Here are just a few battles I faced with my teenagers and some mom-approved tips on how to handle them:

Clothing disagreements

Me: Are you really going to wear that?

Daughter: What’s wrong with it?

Me: You’re showing too much cleavage.

Daughter: You never like what I wear! Everyone is wearing these kind of tops.

Let’s face it. We rarely like what they wear. That’s part of being a teenager (the clothing rebellion). Perhaps a better way to avoid this battle and prepare them for choosing the appropriate clothing in college is to suggest alternatives. You can even go shopping with them–that’s an adventure in itself! Or, you could just ignore the topic altogether and pray no one notices. (Denial…a not so good parenting tactic!)

The inevitable battle over cellphone usage

Me: Do you really have to have that phone in your hand 24/7?

Son: Yes. I don’t see what the problem is.

Me: Put the phone down and have a conversation for a change.

Son: Why would I do that?

Today’s teens are tech addicts. Most parents simply don’t understand why they have to text about everything instead of pick up the phone. It baffles most of us that they will text to one another in the same room. But they do. What works for me? Set aside time (usually dinner) when everyone is gadget free. That means YOU have to comply—if you’re honest with yourself, you won’t like it much either.

The organization debacle

Me: Did you follow up and email the college rep you talked to at the college fair?

Daughter: What college rep?

Me: The one from your first choice college.

Daughter: Oh. No. I haven’t done that yet. I’ll get to it later.

Procrastination—a teenager’s favorite technique for avoidance. If procrastination is their favorite technique, then tomorrow is their favorite word. Parents detest hearing that word from their kids, especially when it comes to the application process. What’s a parent to do? You can leave them to their own devises or you can be smart and find ways to help them stay organized. Beat them at their own game: text and email them reminders. If you’re sneaky, you can even add them to the calendar alerts on their smartphone or laptop. Hey, whatever works.

College visits gone awry

Me: Don’t you think you should at least get out of the car.

Son: No. I’m not feeling it.

Me: We’ve come all this way. You can at least get out and walk around.

Son: You can if you want, but I’ll just stay in the car.

Believe it or not, this happens more than you think. My daughter didn’t even want to apply to colleges because the buildings were “icky”. These types of comments can drive a parent nuts. We’re all about making logical decisions. They are all about bordering on the irrational. It’s best to move on when this happens because it’s impossible to drag a 6 foot boy out of the back seat of the car.

Emotional college choices

Me: Why do you want to go to THAT college.

Daughter: Because my boyfriend is applying there.

Me: That’s not a very good reason. What if you break up?

Daughter: (bursts into tears) Break up? Of course that’s what you want. You’ve never liked him!

Expect your son or daughter to apply to colleges based on what might seem illogical reasons to you. They will inevitably make choices because of peer pressure, friend pressure and even boyfriend/girlfriend pressure. Your best bet is to steer them away from these choices and help them see the long term goal. If you’re successful (and a little bit lucky), the college they choose won’t be the number one party school. Then again, all colleges are party schools.

What am I saying? Pick your battles. Senior year is going to be stressful and a turning point in your student’s life and in yours as well. If you choose to be the parent who is screeching about every little thing, you will miss some of the best shared moments in your teenager’s life. The college admissions process, if done wisely, can serve to cement the parent/child bond when you share this experience. Take advantage of the opportunity and don’t be so serious. If you’re lucky your student will emerge victorious and you will breathe a sigh of relief that you have survived yet another milestone in your child’s life. At the very least you will have some stories to share in a blog or at your amateur night at your local comedy club.

college guidance, parenting

Understanding your teen’s learning behaviors

 

learning behaviorsMost people know that no two people are alike, especially when it comes to education and learning. After realizing the differences in people scientists began to create groups to determine certain things about people, such as their specific learning behaviors. Learning behaviors are generally grouped into three categories, visual, kinesthetic, and auditory. When testing individuals for their particular learning method, the results will fall into one or more of the categories.

Visual Learners

People who are tested as being a visual learner will rely heavily upon their ability to make visual contact with learning materials. They are likely to prefer seeing what they are being taught; they will generally take endless deeply detailed notes, prefer mellow environments to learn in and may often visualize the material they are trying to learn. A visual learner is also likely to prefer colorful presentations and illustrations. This type of learner is also likely to be obsessed with neatness and cleanliness.

Kinesthetic Learners

Individuals that fall under the kinesthetic learning group are people who prefer to be able to move around. This person will likely use their hands to make gestures while speaking; they will also prefer obtaining an education through courses that require them to move around, such as art, cooking, and other similar courses. The kinesthetic learner will feel the need to take short breaks while learning. This type of learner will often invent reasons to be active if put under pressure. The kinesthetic learner is also a person that enjoys experiencing educational material versus seeing or hearing it.

Continue reading Understanding your teen’s learning behaviors →

orientation, parenting, Uncategorized

College Parent Orientation Tips

 

parent orientation
Parents gather at the University of Minnesota.

College orientation is upon us and students (and parents) will be attending this all-important event in preparation for college in the fall. What will you learn? Will orientation be able to answer all of your questions? Should you attend? Will this help you with the transition in the fall?

Parent orientation has become an integral part of the student’s transition to college, helping to answer parent concerns. A Q&A from Kathryn Kay, the Director of Orientation and Assistant Director of Student Programs at Georgetown University, provides some great insights and useful tips for parents about their role in their college student’s life.

Follow the link to the interview in the “For Parents” section of Zinch’s High School Blog.

 

admissions, parenting

Are helicopter parents getting a bad rap?

 

helicopter parentIt’s no surprise. Colleges and universities view today’s breed of college parent with some disdain. They see us as interfering in our student’s lives and overly involved in the college admissions process. If you compare us to the parents of 20 years ago, you might draw the same conclusion. We’ve been given the following names: helicopter parents, snow plow parents, and bulldozer parents. These nicknames have emerged over the last few years viewing parents as “the enemy”.

But are these characterizations really accurate? One school administrator thinks otherwise. Beth Moriarty, Director of Residence Life and Housing at Bridgewater State University and adjunct faculty member in the Student Affairs Counseling Program believes that it is time to change our views on parental involvement. In a recent post, she prefaced her argument:

K-12 literature supports the premise that parents who are involved in their students’ education, have students who are more likely to succeed both academically and socially. Additional research states that parents who are involved have students who are less likely to participate in at-risk alcohol and drug behavior. Research on first-generation, low income, and minority students suggests that parental involvement can increase the likelihood of students in these groups persisting to graduation. With this being said, perhaps we should embrace parents as partners, rather than fearing them as the enemy.

It’s a fact that some parents do get overly involved in their student’s life. But saying that all parents are helicopter parents is wrong. Our roles as parents have changed and evolved over the years. Today’s parents are invested in their student’s educational future and success. With competition among students more prevalent than ever before, encouragement and support can often translate into over-involvement. How do we help university officials see that parenting can be viewed in a positive light? Should parents be embraced as partners and should the colleges help parents embrace that role?

Take a few minutes and read the complete content of Ms. Moriarity’s post and comment here if you agree or disagree. I would love to hear your thoughts.

 

college guidance, college planning, organization, parenting, social networks, technology, test prep, tutoring

Tech resources for the college-bound

 

tech resourcesTonight’s #CollegeCash Chat was centered around available tech resources for the college-bound and their parents. Following is a short transcript of the questions and answers with all the links I provided. As a parent myself and a parent advocate I understand the frustration with the college admissions process. It’s my hope that you will find some tools here that will make the process easier.

Q. Is there a lot of technology out there that benefits students and parents when it comes to college? 

  • We now have online sites for just about every part of the college admissions process and stay organized
  • Multiple apps are also available to help parents and students while they are on the go
  • Smartphones and portable devices like the iPad have made the college prep process easier

Q. Are SmartPhones necessary for our kids leaving for college? 

  • Every college student needs a smartphone–here are some features you should look for: http://bit.ly/151BUJj
  • Smartphones help them communicate, socially interact, store and process information, and enable social networking in class
  • An added bonus to the smartphone is the ability to stay in touch with parents via facetime, texts, and location apps

Continue reading Tech resources for the college-bound →

dorm life, parenting, Uncategorized

6 Dorm Safety Tips for Students

 

dorm safety

While student dormitories are not exactly danger zones, students who reside in dormitories should observe safety measures to keep their property safe from thieves or accidents such as fire. For the most part, it only takes common sense to prevent potential accidents in student dormitories. For instance, you should not leave candles or hot cigarette butts burning inside your room. According to the National Fire protection Association (NFPA), the number of dormitory fires reported between 1980 and 2009 increased by 17% and on average, dorm fires destroy property worth about $20.9 million, cause 3 deaths, and 38 fire injuries every year. These statistics show the importance of taking fire safety seriously. Here are some dorm safety tips that you can take as an individual student to keep your dorm safe.

Continue reading 6 Dorm Safety Tips for Students →

college guidance, college news, college planning, parenting

Sink or Swim: A Guide to College Graduation Rates

 

College graduation usually conjures up images of black hats getting thrown into the air and refrains of pomp and circumstance. What you don’t see, however, is the swell who started at the same time as the robe-clad flock but aren’t graduating — a number that would triple the size of grads (and make the ceremony even longer). In fact, at four-year colleges only 31.3% of students actually graduate from the school. The other 68.7% might be sitting at home, working a job that doesn’t require a degree, or maybe they’re still chipping away at the books after switching majors or signing up for a lengthy program. The latter is evident: The number swells to 56% who graduate within six years of starting. On the surface, it might seem like today’s student is lazy or lacks follow-through, but a closer examination reveals steep costs of schooling and family responsibilities a bigger decision-maker for college dropouts. Of course, the numbers vary widely across colleges when looking at college graduation rates, with some earning gold stars for graduating their students and others earning the nickname “dropout factories.” We take a closer look at the best and worst of 2-year and 4-year schools to help degree-seekers navigate to a college that will help them stay afloat.

For the full story, click the image below!
Sink or Swim: A Guide to Buoyant Colleges

Courtesy of OnlineColleges.net

parenting

5 ways to help your college student build a credit history

 

credit historyCollege students will be inundated by credit card offers the minute they take out their student loans, but most of these offers come with an abundance of fine print that could leave your student paying heinous interest rates for the most minor transgressions (like a payment that’s late by just a few days, for example). These options provide more ways to ruin credit than build it. So if you want to help your student start off on the right foot where his credit score is concerned so that he can buy a car or get a lease on his own after graduation, here are a few methods you can use to help your college student build a credit history:

Continue reading 5 ways to help your college student build a credit history →

college guidance, dorm life, parenting, Uncategorized

5 ways to go green on campus

 

green campusIf there’s one thing that’s almost universally true about teenagers it’s that they’re fairly self-involved, and getting them interested in altruistic pursuits can be a chore. But as they get older and start to figure out who they are and what drives them, it may become easier to get them fired up about social and environmental challenges. Most young adults are full of energy and they want to do their part to make the world a better place. If you want to give your own college student some direction, you might suggest that he join the ongoing crusade to make the Earth a cleaner, greener place for all of humanity through his eco-friendly efforts. And here are just a few ways that you can get him on board with doing his part for the environment, and hopefully urging others to go green on campus.

Continue reading 5 ways to go green on campus →