Category Archives: parenting

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Talking to Your Teen About Irresponsible Behavior

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irresponsible behaviorOne of the first things we learn growing up is that all of our actions have consequences. If we pull a glass of water off the table, it will spill all over us. If we touch a hot burner on the stove, it will burn. If we pick up a knife on the blade, it will cut us.

Selective memory loss

Teaching teens the consequences of irresponsible behavior can be challenging. Unfortunately, too many teens begin to make choices during their teen years that are life changing and life altering. They don’t rationalize that sleeping with someone you just met can have consequences: sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, pregnancy, rape and even at the very worst murder. They don’t think that cheating on a test in school, even if you don’t get caught, robs you of an education and learning. They don’t see that getting in a car with a drunk driver could end in tragedy because most teens who are drunk believe they have the capacity to drive. They can’t look far enough into the future to see that going to a college they can’t afford could land them in overwhelming debt after graduation.

Running down the scenarios

I know. All those scenarios are a bit dramatic. But let’s just think before we discount them as viable examples of ignoring the consequences of our choices. Your teen would be well served if he did the same. The next time your teen is tempted to sleep with someone they just met, what would happen if they ran over the previously stated consequences in their mind before they decide to do it? There would be consequences to their decision: good or bad. Before they get into a car with another teen who is drunk or drive drunk themselves, imagine what would happen if there is an accident and their friends or other innocent drivers and passengers are killed. Before getting wasted, imagine what would happen if he got alcohol poisoning and his friends couldn’t recognize the symptoms or get help when it was needed.

All decisions have consequences

When you’re young and your whole life is ahead of you, you tend to function in the present. Twenty or thirty years from now seems like an eternity to someone in their teens. But time has a way of catching up with us and every choice we make when we are young has both good and bad consequences. The trick is to know when those consequences aren’t worth the risk. And the other trick is to pause long enough before taking those risks to weigh both the good and the bad.

If your teen gets anything from this bit of advice, let it be this: take time to think before you act. Weigh the good and the bad consequences. Then once they decide, make the best of their decision and swallow the good with the bad. Every path they take in life has the potential for greatness. Encourage your teen to be wise and think before they act, knowing that their choice could potentially be the wrong one.

Read Wendy’s Post: College Prep Red Flags

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

Guest Posts, parenting

Mom-approved Tips: 6 Ways To Prepare the Summer Before College

 

summer before collegeThe Disney Pixar movie Toy Story 3 offers an unexpected insight into the lives of parents with teens going off to college. As young Andy prepares to leave home, his toys try to deal with what his departure means to them. Just as the old saying goes, Andy realizes that it’s time to put away childish things.

That doesn’t mean you have to incinerate your child’s toys, but it is time to think of things in a new light. How can you help your own “Andy” transition into college life? Consider these six tips and you’ll be well on your way to help your college-bound teen prepare the summer before college.

1. Put them to work.

If your teen has not been working, now is the time to make sure they are given some kind of responsibility. Encourage them to get a job, an internship, or volunteer for the summer. This work will give your child confidence and a taste of the “real” world. Also, it allows them to meet other professionals in a work setting. Any job will do, but if it is something that ties at least loosely into a set of career goals, all the better.

2. Offer a crash course in Adulthood 101.

There are probably many things that you think your child knows that he or she simply does not. For one thing, encourage your son or daughter to do their own laundry all summer long. Also, teach them rudimentary accounting skills: how to balance a checkbook and make a budget (a job helps here, too). Depending on where they’re going to school, how to use public transportation might be something to work on; most freshman don’t have access to a car, and you won’t be there to drive your son or daughter around. Some basic cooking and grocery shopping skills should be included as well—one way to augment this is to have your teen cook for the family at least one night a week. You’ll still be surprised by the late night calls asking, “How do I make a doctor’s appointment?” or “What do I do if I’ve locked my keys in my car with the engine running?” But at least they’ll be prepared with the basics.

3. Take a look in a book.

To prepare for the amount of reading that will be necessary in college, get your child into the habit of reading as much as possible—reading every day on the bus to work would be grand! This is more about building study habits rather than worrying about specific material, however many colleges have books they would like freshman to have read before they start classes. These titles will be a great place to begin. If your child knows what classes he or she is taking, then gear the books toward these courses.

4. Teach time-keeping.

Encourage your child to maintain a schedule or planner by themselves. Show them how to keep track of work, social, and family events—they should refer to the schedule all summer and write down their comings and goings. It’s easy enough to do that on a computerized calendar or in a datebook.

5. Don’t let go quite yet.

Of course, your teen is going to want to spend the summer with friends, but you can still get your time in surreptitiously. Schedule a few family outings and meals at favorite restaurants. Fit in a vacation if possible—even a weekend or a Fourth of July outing can have real future value. P.S. Going to the store for college shopping doesn’t count as family fun.

6. Be true to their school.

Learn everything you possibly can about your son’s or daughter’s new school, and talk with them about opportunities. Go over the information on classes and extracurriculars. In particular, check if there are any “superstar” professors and encourage your child to take their classes. Also look for a history of achievement in any particular extracurricular, such as a winning debate team. It’s wonderful to work toward being part of a tradition of excellence.

Most importantly, be patient and keep lines of communication open. There’s no getting around it—it’s going to be rough emotionally, but you can help your child be prepared for everything that is to come. And isn’t that what parenting is all about?

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About the Author

Ryan Hickey is the Managing Editor of Peterson’s & EssayEdge and is an expert in many aspects of college, graduate, and professional admissions. A graduate of Yale University, Ryan has worked in various admissions capacities for nearly a decade, including writing test-prep material for the SAT, AP exams, and TOEFL, editing essays and personal statements, and consulting directly with applicants.

college majors, parenting

Finding a Job: How to Help Your Student Be a Perfect Match

Teens go to great lengths to find and win the perfect match to share their personal lives, even during high school and onto college. Just as there are interpersonal relationships in social circles, you and your teen might not realize there are personality interactions in the workplace. Prospective employers are looking for the worker they deem to be the best fit for their company’s personality and aspirations. When your teen graduates from college and can show the hiring managers that he is the one they are seeking, the search will be over. To bring about this intended match, think of the future job hunt as a courtship and picture your student’s resume as the missive suitor.

finding a jobAnnounce Availability

Social networks afford wonderful opportunities to get the word out about your job search, even starting with internships. Join groups and link to professional associations that can share your capabilities in areas of interest that may be outside your geographic sphere. This broadens your scope and increases the chances of finding the right match for your skills. It also provides networking opportunities which will help later as your job search becomes more focused. Once you locate a desirable prospect, you can begin your courtship.

Get to Know Your Intended

When one person finds another to be of interest, all efforts are centered on discovering likes and dislikes and understanding important relationship parameters. In the same way, when looking for a job, the applicant needs to understand the specific desires of the prospective employer. As you begin to personalize your resume for the opening, read the job description carefully. Do extensive research on the company and learn its purpose and major accomplishments. Find out what its long-term goals are. The more you know, the better you will be able to match your skills with the company’s needs and pique the interest of the hiring staff.

Turn the Resume Into a Matchmaker

Armed with the information from your study, craft your resume to pair your skills and experience with the requirements listed for the position. Show your recent accomplishments that exhibit proof of desired qualifications shown in the advertisement for the opening, along with any internship experience. When completed, your resume should read like answers to the employer’s job search questions, so that once the hiring staff picks up your information, they need look no further.

Become Irresistible

In all your interactions with the company, whether by resume, cover letter, phone conversation, or face-to-face interview, pay careful attention to interpersonal relationships. You want to make an unforgettable, positive impression in every instance so that all the hiring staff will see the importance of bringing you into their workplace.

Clinch the Deal

Although a job search is no romantic courtship, the rules of human attraction work in much the same way. By approaching the hiring process as a quest for the ideal relationship, you can make your application more relevant to the needs of the workplace. Your expectations become more clearly defined through your efforts and your student’s future employer enjoys the benefits of having hired the perfect candidate for the job.

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Parent vs Student Reasoning

 

parent vs student reasoningThe stress of the college admissions season weighs heavy on your college-bound teen. I read an old NY Times blog article that went inside the mind of a college-bound teen by asking them exactly what they were feeling and thinking. Students voiced their concerns related to college prep; but what would the parents say? What is the parent vs student reasoning?

Fear

Students may seem fearless at times, but as they approach the final months of high school fear sets in. One teen, Phoebe Lett, 16 talks about how she feels as a junior.

“I fear for my rapidly approaching senior year. Should I really spend nine hours a night on school work? As I rack up as many extracurriculars, community service hours and “beneficial relationships” (college-prep speak for impressive recommendations), I can’t help but think that it’s not good enough. Better grades, higher scores, more varsity letters, more leads in the play: have I been bulking up an application that perhaps doesn’t reflect who I am, but instead just represents what a college wants from me? That is my true fear.”

Parents, on the other hand, feel fear as well. They fear their student will experience rejection on so many levels. Along with this, they fear their student won’t make the right college choice and regret it later.

Pressure

The pressure they feel is of paramount proportions. This pressure will be exhibited in all kinds of emotions from tears, to anger, to denial to frustration. Robin Karlin, 17 felt the pressure of failing.

“Around the application deadline you’re studying for finals, and it’s your senior year. You already have a lot of classes and you have to write essays and you’re already stressed out thinking “what if they don’t want me?’’ And you worry what if you don’t get into any school at all? I’m not from a big city. We have pretty good schools, but I think in a bigger city with more people you have more perspective on where you stand in the nation. I’m not really sure how good I am.”

Parents feel pressure as well—from other parents, from themselves and sometimes from the students as well. Other parents can make them feel inadequate. They feel pressure when it comes to the finances related to college. They also feel pressure from their student when they choose a college that is out of their financial reach.

Rejection

If your student hasn’t experienced rejection, get ready. There’s a strong possibility some of the colleges they apply to won’t offer them admission. Sam Werner, 18, felt disappointment when the rejection letters started arriving.

“Everyone I had talked to, once they heard “perfect SAT,” they said, “You can get in anywhere.” That was the hardest part, having everyone tell me I would and then not getting in. It was a rough few days. The rejection letters and my parents both kept telling me it’s not a case of me not being good enough, but a case of too many qualified applicants. But it’s really hard not to feel like you got rejected….”

Parents feel the same rejection students feel when they aren’t offered admission—perhaps more. It’s hard to watch your student do their best, only to realize they didn’t achieve their goal (through no fault of their own).

Relieving some of the pressure

College admission is how students (and parents) define their success. Years down the road, you will see that some of those rejections probably sent you and your student into better directions. In the meantime, recognize your feelings and empathize with your student. You can both weather the college admissions storm together.

Read Wendy’s Post: How Parents and Students Can Be on the Same Page

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

financial aid, parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Saving for College

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college savingsNo matter where you are in the college prep process, saving for college and paying for college is on every parent’s mind. Depending on your situation and the amount of time you have to save, here are some excellent resources that will help you understand college savings plans.

SavingforCollege.com

SavingforCollege.com offers a free Family Guide to College Savings available in either Kindle, Nook, or PDF format. The guide advises parents on when to start saving, how to start saving, and college savings alternatives. It also gives a brief explanation of the tax savings you can expect and how to maximize savings. There are also numerous links on the site itself related to 529 savings plans, college expenses, and a tool to use to view the list of state specific plans. There is also a college cost calculator that helps you determine the cost of college based on your child’s age and the amount you wish to contribute along with a monthly savings estimate.

AffordableCollegesOnline.org

AffordableCollegesOnline.org has created a 529 Savings Plan Guidebook which can be easily printed from your browser. In the guidebook you will gain a better understanding of:

By using this guide, you will gain a better understanding of:

  • How 529 savings plans work and how to establish one
  • Who is eligible to establish and contribute to a 529 savings plan
  • The pros and cons of other types of college savings vehicles
  • How much may be contributed to a 529 plan
  • The tax advantages associated with 529 plans
  • The best time to set up a plan
  • How to take the next step in obtaining some – or all – of the funds that are needed to fulfill the dream of a higher education.

U.S. News Education

On U.S. News Education: Saving for College you can read articles like:

  • 4 Steps to Choosing Age-Based 529 Plans
  • 5 Steps for Utilizing 529 College Savings Plan Funds
  • 12 Questions to Ask Before Investing in a Prepaid College Savings Plan
  • 4 Costly Mistakes Parents Make When Saving Money for College

Fidelty.com

Fidelity offers information you will need to plan your child’s educational future. On this site you can compare your savings options, find a 529 savings plan that meets your needs, learn about financial aid, and how much you will need to save.

University Parent

University Parent, an online resource for parents of college students and college bound teens, recently published an article:  What is a 529 Savings Plan? How it Helps. The article gives an overview of the plans and what you need to know once you have one and how to use it.

If your college-bound teen is young, you have plenty of time to start saving. If you have a student in high school, you should read the information about aggressive portfolios and how to maximize your investment. The above resources should help you decide how much and where to invest your savings.

Read Wendy’s Post: Sense and Cents for College and Retirement Saving

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, financial aid, parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Don’t Be Fooled

 

don't be fooledToday is April Fool’s day. I have to admit, it’s not one of my favorite Hallmark holidays. I’m not much of a prankster and I always disliked being on the receiving end of a prank. None of us do. But colleges, all over the country, are pranking parents and students today. How? With the financial aid award letter. But don’t be fooled.

Colleges don’t back their admission offer up with money–if a college wants your student, they will back it up with a financial “reward”. No award indicates they are counting on your student declining their offer. Read this…

Colleges pack those letters with loans–a prank because every student and parent can get a student loan. Read this…

Colleges misrepresent their true cost on those letter–often leaving out expenses that should be considered and not giving the true cost of attendance. Read this…

Colleges “gap” students–they don’t award enough financial aid to meet the family’s EFC. This leaves a gap in the award and what the family has to pay. Read this…

Colleges consider it an award letter although there’s no award–even if all they offer is a student loan. That’s not an award. That’s not even an olive branch. It’s a slap in the face. Read this…

Be a wise consumer. Don’t be fooled by award letters. Do your due diligence and compare offers, crunch the numbers, and make a wise financial decision. Remember that part of the perfect fit college is the financial aspect. A college who won’t back their offer up with money isn’t a college you should consider.

Don’t be pranked by the colleges. I would never fool you; but Happy April Fools Day!

Read Wendy’s post: How a Joke Helps No Fooling College Prep

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: “Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be”

 

where you go is not who you'll beRecently a new book was released by the New York Times op-ed columnist Frank Bruni: Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions Mania. As you can imagine, it’s quite the controversial topic, especially among Ivy League colleges, current students and alumni.

Of course, I (and so many other college counselors) have been saying this for years: Does it Matter WHERE You Go To College? Mr. Bruni just put it down on paper and in a best-selling book. Parents and students are resonating with its message. Why? Students and parents are filled with stress, anxiety, and frustration over the college prep process–test prep, essays, college choice, financial aid decisions and more. We are tired of our students putting all their future expectations of success on a college name or reputation.

Read some of the reviews of the book:

“For students, parents, teachers, and everyone else suffering during the college admissions process, Frank Bruni offers an outstanding resource. Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be is a thought-provoking look at how the system works-and a fresh, reassuring reminder of what really matters in the college experience.”
-Gretchen Rubin, bestselling author of The Happiness Project and Happier at Home

“The supposition that intelligence can be measured, that success can be predicted, and that the combination of the two creates happiness is rightly exploded in this sharply observed and deeply felt book. In deconstructing the college admissions process, Frank Bruni exposes the folly by which enfranchised people measure their own lives. He speaks with a voice of urgent sanity.”
-Andrew Solomon, National Book Award-winning author of Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity

“Frank Bruni provides the perfect course correction for students and parents who get sucked into the college admissions frenzy. I should know. I was one of them.”
-Katie Couric

“Frank Bruni has a simple message for the freaked-out high school students of America. Calm down. Where you go to college matters far, far less than what you do once you get there (and afterward). He urges families to look beyond the usual suspects and find a school that’s going to offer something more useful than a window sticker. His clear, well-researched book should be required reading for everyone caught up in the college-admissions game.”
-William Deresiewicz, bestselling author of Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the American Elite and The Way to a Meaningful Life

“For families caught up in college-application madness, this book provides a much-needed tonic. For the rest of us, it’s an inspiring call for a wiser, saner approach to American higher education.”
-Paul Tough, bestselling author of How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character

“Your worth is not determined by the university you went to. Or, in other words, “Where You Go is Not Who You’ll Be.” Alleluia. That’s the exact mantra every student and parent must heed as they navigate the stressful college admissions process. I’m doing it for the fourth time and this excellent writer’s new book could not have come at a better time for me. As Frank Bruni brilliantly demonstrates, your worth is your worth and it’s yours to make wherever you go.” 
-Maria Shriver

Read this quote from Frank Bruni’s guest post on The College Solution:

…What we desperately need to do in this country is change the focus of the discussion from where you go to college to how you use college. In what directions do you need to grow? In what ways does your frame of reference need broadening? If kids were coached to worry about that, and not about the college name splashed across the sweatshirts they’re wearing, they’d be better for it. All of us would.

Do yourself (and your teens) a favor–focus on the education, the experience, and the joy of the college search. Years down the road, it really won’t matter where they got their diploma.

college guidance, college planning, parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Colleges Want YOU!

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colleges want youOdds are everyone has seen the Uncle Sam poster recruiting men and women to enlist in the military. You could put the face of any college on that poster and get the same message. Colleges WANT You! Colleges are all about recruiting. You might not think they have to do much of it because students are breaking down doors these days to attend. But they take Enrollment Management (EM) very seriously. Even though your student goes to college to get an education, colleges are businesses seeking the best students who can present a positive image when marketing to future students.

What is Enrollment Management?

According to the NAIS (National Association of Independent Schools), EM encompasses four key areas: admission management, retention, research and marketing. It is the college’s response to the challenges and opportunities that recruiting and retaining the right student body present to a school’s financial health, image, and student quality. Quite simply, it’s the way a college gets (and keeps) its students. They invest time, money and resources to create their perfect freshman class.

This gives a whole new perspective to the college choice

Just as colleges WANT you, they want you to WANT them. When you see it in this light, it makes it easier to realize that YOU are the one making the college choice. You are the one they are trying to attract. You are the one they invest their time in to recruit you (and keep you) to add to their student body.

Quite honestly, the only time a college holds the power is making the decision to offer you admission. Once that decision is made, the power shifts back to YOU. If they truly want you, they will back it up with a strong offer of financial aid. At that point, you can choose to accept it, or accept a better offer.

Do your own EM

Colleges are marketing to you. You need to market to them. Present yourself in the best possible light. Focus during high school. Study for standardized tests. Round out your academics with strong extracurriculars and excellent recommendations. Research which colleges would knock down your door and market to them. Position yourself at the top of the applicant pool and put yourself in the position of power. After all, it’s your money, your investment and finally, YOUR decision!

Read Wendy’s post: Enrollment Management and College Admission

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Tonight is Wednesday’s Parent night (the fourth Wednesday of each month) on #CampusChat, Wednesday, March 25, 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will talk with Karen Full, former college admissions director, now enrollment strategist with Longmire & Company, about enrollment management and college admissions. Karen has counseled many students and families on choosing college. Please join me– @SuzanneShaffer and @pocsmom with our guest @KarenAFull and bring your questions and comments.

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, Guest Posts, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: How to Help Your Child Get Into College (Without Being a Helicopter Parent)

3 Comments

 

Today’s guest post is from Ryan Hickey, Managing Editor of Petersons & EssayEdge. 

how to help your child get in to collegeYour child is filling out forms, applying to schools, and getting ready to take the leap into the world of college life. As a parent, you may feel like your baby is slipping away, and as they begin acting more like an adult, your role becomes increasingly blurry. It’s not uncommon for parents to feel as confused, anxious, and overwhelmed as their college-bound kids.

The truth is, the college search process requires a delicate balancing act between parents and their children. As parents prepare to let go of their kids, they must offer their support and guidance while encouraging independence. In other words, show them that you trust them enough to make their own decisions, but be prepared to speak up when they make questionable choices.

Ultimately, establishing a parent-child relationship built on mutual respect and trust is one of the most rewarding things you can ever do for your offspring. By following these tips, you can help your child get into college, adjust to the coming changes and keep your sanity, making you proud of what you’ve both accomplished.

Set aside plenty of time and energy to focus on the college search.

Taking the time to really decide on a college is not a simple or straightforward process — for you or your child. In fact, it can be unpredictable and haphazard. Don’t put things off until the last minute, when you might be distracted by work or they’re just trying to get through exams. Instead, get started early; ideally, you should begin looking for schools at least in your child’s junior year. If you organize right and work together, you can get it all done during their senior year, especially if you start early in the semester.

Use the resources available to you.

Colleges and universities know that this can be a trying time for both you and your child, and they have numerous resources available. Even before your child gets accepted into a school, ask as many questions as necessary to your contacts in the school. Knowing the answers to your questions gives you a leg up on the future, as well as helping alleviate some of your fears. Find out what kinds of resources are available before your child starts class, and use them early and often. It’s important to keep your child up-to-date on any communications you may have with contacts at schools — they should feel just as involved in the process as you do. When they have questions of their own, guide them to the resources they need to find answers.

Let your child make the final decision.

You may have your own ideas about where you want your child to go, but remember that choosing is an important part of growing into an adult. Make them part of the process, helping them to identify what draws them to one school versus another. This can help you bridge the gap between what you both want. Showing support for such an important decision can also help you, as the parent, show that you trust your child, something that can pay dividends down the road.

These tips can help you get started, but it’s up to you and your child to keep the momentum going. By making the process a unified approach between yourself and your child, you stand a better chance of making everything come together when your loved one steps out of your home and into their first college classroom.

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About the Author

Ryan Hickey is the Managing Editor of Peterson’s & EssayEdge and is an expert in many aspects of college, graduate, and professional admissions. A graduate of Yale University, Ryan has worked in various admissions capacities for nearly a decade, including writing test-prep material for the SAT, AP exams, and TOEFL, editing essays and personal statements, and consulting directly with applicants.

admissions, college prep, mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: What Frustrates Parents Most About College Prep?

 

college prep

What frustrates parents most about college prep? I hear the frustration in parents’ voices every day about the overwhelming amount of knowledge a parent and student need to navigate the college maze. I call it a maze because that’s exactly how it feels. All throughout the process, parents feel lost, confused, off-track and often bewildered.

Not understanding your part in the process

It’s difficult for parents to know how involved you should be in the college prep process. It’s a balancing act between helping and hurting. Where do you pitch in? Should you teen handle everything alone? When do you cross the line?

In today’s world of highly involved parents, you need some help to define your boundaries and give your student the slack he needs to become independent:

Top 10 Dos and Don’ts of Parenting a College-Bound Teen

Motivating your student

I had an unmotivated student. It’s not that he wasn’t capable of achieving academic success; it was just that he didn’t have the motivation or the desire to do his best. He never soared in high school, or in the first semester of college, but he did reach his academic potential, finally.

It was hard having a child who didn’t grasp his full potential, no matter how much I told him he was capable of straight A’s. It just didn’t matter to him. Passing with average grades was good enough for him. Those grades, however, contributed to some difficult life choices and some hard lessons along the way. In the end, there were four tips that finally motivated him academically:

4 Tips to Motivate an Unmotivated Student

Finding a way to pay for the high costs

If you have a college-bound teen you’re well aware of the cost of college–it’s high. In a recent story in Business Week, one graduate confessed she had given up on her student loan debt of $186,000. She is not alone. With the nation struggling under a $1 trillion student debt crisis, stories like hers are nothing uncommon. For the first time ever, the national student loan default rate exceeds the credit card delinquency rate, and so long as student loans remain one of the few types of debt that can’t be discharged in bankruptcy, chances are the situation won’t improve any time soon.

As her parent, it’s up to you to make sure she doesn’t fall prey to debt that she cannot repay after graduation. Before she ever accepts an offer of admission, you need to talk to her about financing college. Following are a few tips to help broach that uncomfortable topic with your college-bound teen:

Talking to Your Kids About Financing College 

And you might also like to read:

10 Ways to Attend College for Free (or almost free)

Getting help and knowing who to ask

I was speaking with a parent the other night about advice her daughter received from an independent college counselor regarding standardized tests. The counselor told the student not to bother with either the SAT or ACT; they weren’t necessary. He made this statement before receiving a list of colleges and asking if she was applying to test optional schools! The parent questioned the validity of this advice, and rightly so.

With college admissions becoming ever more competitive, it may seem logical to consider working with an independent counselor. They can offer expertise and a personalized approach to the complex, time-consuming, and often stressful college prep, search and application process. But ask any group of parents and you will hear a variety of opinions. While some parents feel that engaging an independent counselor is an essential part of helping their student be a competitive applicant to his or her top choice schools, others question whether hiring someone adds value beyond what a student can already receive from parents and the high school.

Some parents choose to guide their student through the process and some choose to hire a professional. Neither is right nor wrong. The decision should be based on each family’s individual needs and resources.

Need some help trying to decide? Here’s an article I wrote for University Parent:

Should You Work With an Independent Counselor?

How to handle rejection

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. The best of times—getting an offer of admission. The worst of times—getting a letter of rejection. Or is it really? Is there any way to spin the disappointment? Parents have dealt with their kids facing rejection throughout their lives, but there is no greater disappointment that losing what you feel is your dream—getting in to your dream college.

I’ve found some very wise words from some very wise experts over the last several weeks. When the emotions subside and your college-bound teen is ready to talk, show them these words. It could open their eyes to the truth about college rejection letters:

The Truth about College Rejection Letters