Category Archives: parenting

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Tips for Dads of the College-Bound

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tips for dadsWith all the advice for moms, one of my Twitter followers (@PeachtreeCP) chimed in: “What about tips for dads?” I had to respond, “I’m not a dad, so I can’t speak for them.” But, it occurred to me that I did know some dads, one in particular, my brother. Both his children went to college. His daughter had a relatively typical college experience. His son, on the other hand, always marched, and still does, to the beat of a different drummer.

When I asked my brother to share his best advice, man to man, he graciously agreed to help. Here’s his response, word for word:

I’m not sure where to begin.  I assume that the dad who wrote you wanted advice about the college process.  I guess I’ll just share how I approached this with Cameron.  Since he’s not the typical kid, my approach was unique to him.  But this is how I did it.

  • I gave guidance, but didn’t try to push him into my expectations for him
  • I stressed the importance of education while he was thinking about what to do after high school
  • I tried to show him how his interests (video production, photography, etc.) would be greatly enhanced by more education
  • I gave him permission to make mistakes and take his time in determining his major
  • I didn’t give him a completely free ride to college – we required that he have some investment
  • I encouraged him to get a job while going to school
  • I encouraged him not to get into debt with loans, but to pay as he could, semester by semester
  • I finally recognized that college may not be his thing, so I gave him permission to say, “I want to do something else”, then I gave him my blessing

In retrospect, I think we could have done a better job of setting him up for a better first year away at college.  We found a garage apartment for him to live in, but he lived alone.  I think it would have been a better experience for him if he had other roommates going through the same struggles at college.

_______________________

Cameron chose to get a “real life” education, self-taught on the entrepreneurial route. It has not been an easy path, but he has certainly discovered his strengths and weaknesses while learning much about himself through self-discovery. He’s working at a job in a field he loves: video production.

For all you dads out there, the key here, according to my brother, is to know your child, give guidance when needed, stress the importance of an education, and give them the freedom to explore their own path in life. The college prep process has it’s own set of challenges and fathers can provide that stabilizing influence and strong support their college-bound teen needs.

empty nest, mom approved tips, parenting

A Day in the Life of a College Mom

 

college momIt’s happening. The dreaded day has arrived and you have dropped off your student at college. The tears have flowed, and you made the long drive home in turmoil. But it didn’t end there, you got home and you walked by her room. The floodgates opened again. I recently had a conversation with my brother and sister-in-law the other day about dropping their daughter off at college. They echoed all the above sentiments and assured me it was the hardest thing they had ever done. I too have been there as well.

But with all the emotions, heartbreak, empty nest feelings, grief and general frustration that took place on that day, a new day will break and we all begin our new life—hers in college, and yours at home missing her. When the dust settles, what can you expect? What is a typical day like in the life of a college mom?

Expect to hear from her soon

Either before you get home or in the next few days you will either get a text, a tweet, or a phone call from her. Mine needed some personal information, some medical information and some banking information. At the end of the call, she said, “Thanks Mom, I knew you could help me.” Those few simple words let me know she still needed me. It doesn’t matter how independent you think she is, she’s going to need you; and, she’s going to reach out for help.

Expect some phone calls feigning homesickness

It’s going to happen sooner or later: your college student will get homesick. The moment you accept the inevitable, the better equipped you will be to handle it. The best response is to listen. The worst response is to rescue her. Harlan Cohen, author of The Naked Roommate, says, “giving a homesick kid more home is like giving someone on a diet chocolate cake and a pint of ice cream.” The solution to homesickness is to create a home at college. Encourage her to get involved socially. Many parents have found this to be the perfect time for a care package from home.

Expect periods of little communication

Believe it or not, this is a good sign. It means your student is getting involved, making new friends, and studying. She has little time to phone home or stay in constant communication with her parents. It’s not personal. It’s a sign she is adjusting to college life and doesn’t need to connect with home as often as she did in the first few weeks.

Expect sickness caused from stress and fatigue

The first time your college student gets sick (and she will get sick), she will call you. Every college student needs their mommy when they get sick. The stress, the sleepless nights, and the poor eating habits will perpetuate the sickness. Send a care package of your best “comfort” items and encourage her to get some rest. The first sickness will be the worst. After that, she will know how to treat them herself.

Expect roommate drama

I don’t care how well the roommates get along in the beginning, there is going to be roommate drama. Personalities will clash, boyfriends/girlfriends will enter in to the drama, and bad habits will cause problems. Encourage your student to resolve these conflicts on her own and seek help if things continue to escalate—that’s what RAs are there for.

Expect the unexpected

No matter how much you plan and think you’re prepared for everything, expect the unexpected. It may come in the form of her wanting to transfer, or wanting to do a 360 on her major. She may announce that she has failed a class (without any notice), or that she is completely out of money and needs your help. Whatever the circumstance, she will ask for your advice and expect, as she did in the past, that you will know what she should do. Don’t panic, just listen. Offer advice. Then let her solve the problem herself.

Be comforted knowing that she will always be your little girl and she will always need her mommy. The same goes for sons—it doesn’t matter how old they get, they will come running to you for comfort and advice.

mom approved tips, parenting

Saying Goodbye to Your College Bound Teen

 

saying goodbyeLetting go. It’s never easy. You and your student have worked hard to get to this day. The last year, especially, has been filled with excitement, stress, and anticipation of what the future would bring. The day is now here and you wonder why you ever encouraged her to go away to college. She may not say it, but she is most likely terrified of leaving home and wonders how she will be able to live apart from you. Emotions transition from anticipation to dread to sadness as you drop her off at college and say goodbye.

All the questions

Although it’s hard for the student, it’s incredibly hard for parents. How do you say goodbye? How do you let go after 18 years of nurturing? How can you possibly tell her everything she needs to know? How will she survive without your constant supervision?

If you’ve done your job, and I’m sure you have, she’s ready. She knows how to make the right choices. She knows how to study, stay organized, and set priorities. She knows how to take care of herself and how to ask for help if she needs it. And most importantly, she knows she can call home anytime for your love and support. She will be on her own, but your words and everything she knows about life are imbedded in her mind and when she needs them, she can pull them up at a moment’s notice.

Both my son and daughter can attest to that fact. There were numerous times that they heard my voice say, “Think before you act, make study a priority, and choose your friends wisely.”

Preparing for the inevitable

The last few months have been hard. Tempers have most likely flared. You’ve been frustrated with her lack of concern about preparation. You haven’t understood why she has been pulling away from the family at times. These are all part of her growing independence and her preparation for living on her own. But as much as she pulls away, she still needs you.

Before you leave for college, find a time to discuss how you want to handle move-in day. Does she want you to help move in and leave? Will she need help unpacking or does she want to do it herself? Does she want to have dinner and then say goodbye? Since emotions will run high, it’s best to make a plan in advance, mostly for your sake. If you know what to expect, you will be able to prepare and you won’t feel rejected when she says a quick goodbye.

Saying goodbye

Remember that Parents Weekend is coming up. It won’t be long before you see her again. Don’t make this an overly-emotional goodbye and cry buckets of tears in front of her. If you must, do it in the car on the drive home (that’s what I did). She will already be stressed and overwhelmed with the whole scenario. The last thing she needs is for you to make it difficult for her to say goodbye.

Your heart will break. A part of you is leaving and moving on to adulthood. It’s normal for you to feel all the emotions you are feeling. Just feel them after you say goodbye.

This too shall pass

These were four of my mother’s favorite words. She was right. Time heals and watching her grow, mature, and move toward her future eases the pain of loss. Phone calls, texts, and visits help both of you transition gradually and before long, she will be home for the winter break and the summer.

Only a mother knows how hard this day is. Only a mother feels that loss and emptiness when they wave goodbye and you drive away. Only a mother knows that life has changed forever in your home and in your family. But be encouraged, you are not alone. There are millions of others who have felt what you are feeling and understand your pain. Reach out to them and seek comfort. Believe me, it will help just being able to share your emotions with someone who knows what you are feeling.

Here’s a great group that has helped so many moms deal with this transition:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/universityparent/

Join it, read the past posts, and start talking. Saying goodbye to your college bound teen doesn’t have to be the end, it’s just the beginning.

For more insight into the goodbye perspective, read Wendy’s post:

The College-bound Goodbye Perspective

mom approved tips, parenting

10 Snippets of Advice About College I Wish I Had Given My Daughter

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When my daughter left for college she had just barely turned 18. Not only was she young, but she was attending a college over 2000 miles away from home. I was afraid for her; very afraid. She was entering a world of the unknown: she had no friends, had never spent time away from home, and was going to experience a completely different culture than what she was used to.

Not only was she young and inexperienced, so was I. I did not attend college. I had no idea what to expect. I also had no idea what she would be facing. We both jumped into deep water without a life jacket. I have since then become a seasoned parent and now know what words of advice about college I wish I had told her before she left home.

1. Choose your friends wisely

Most people who attended college will tell you that the friends they made in college stayed with them after graduation. For my daughter, that was true. Your choice of friends will dictate your study habits, your social life and even your future job prospects.

2. Make studying a priority

If you don’t study in college you will fail. College is much more difficult than high school. The reading is extensive, the homework can be overwhelming, and the study requirements can be brutal. Find a study plan that works for you and stick to it. Your good grades will be your reward.

3. Soak up every bit of knowledge

It’s true when they say colleges are institutions of higher learning. But you have to pay attention, be motivated to study, and do the work. The knowledge won’t just soak in, you have to do your part.

4. Don’t waste a moment of your time there

College is a world of opportunity: from social activity, to academic pursuit, to Greek life, to on-campus sports, plays, and concerts. Sitting in your dorm room after your classes and studying are done for the day is just wasting the time you spend there. Get involved, meet new people, and take advantage of all the free opportunities on campus.

5. Leave the past behind

Your friends (and boyfriend or girlfriend) back home will often bring you down. My daughter learned this after the first month of college. They begged her to leave college and come home. Even though attending this college was her dream, she had not moved on. It took some very tough love to keep her in school. She thanks me every day that I stood firm.

6. Start planning for graduation the day you set foot on campus

Four years will pass quickly. Inquire about internships, make connections with alumni, and visit the career center. Most students don’t even start thinking about jobs after graduation until senior year. When graduation day arrives, you will be prepared for a career.

7. Handle roommate issues immediately

Passive/aggressive behavior will make your life miserable. When you recognize a problem, address it. Much of the angst my daughter experienced with roommates could have been avoided if she had simply had a conversation. For the worst problems, go to the RA for mediation.

8. Drink responsibly and always be aware of the consequences of your actions

Every college is a party school. From the day my daughter stepped foot on campus she was offered alcohol. Yes, it was illegal. Yes, the administration frowned on it. But the reality is there will always be drinking on campus. Excessive drinking can cause all sorts of regrettable behavior. Always be aware of the consequences of your actions.

9. Get to know your professors

Your professors are key players in your college success. Establish relationships with them and cultivate them. You might need them for tutoring help, and you will definitely need them for job connections after graduation.

10. Enjoy every moment; those memories are priceless

The memories my daughter made in college are some of her most treasured memories. Her sorority sisters, her study abroad experiences, her trips with friends, and some of her most admired professors and mentors live in those memories. She still, to this day, after almost 10 years, talks about her college experiences with the greatest joy.

college prep, mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before Middle School (10 Tips for Moms)

 

middle schoolEntering middle school is a huge transition for students. They go from one classroom to multiple classrooms, lockers, multiple teachers, and more homework. The summer before your student begins middle school is the perfect time to begin preparation for the future. Although it might seem premature to start thinking about college, it’s never too early. Your child needs a strong middle school foundation in order to take the high school courses that colleges expect of a college-bound student.

A national survey by Harris Interactive found that while 92% of seventh- and eighth-graders said they were likely to attend college, 68% said they had little or no information about which classes to take to prepare for it. The National Association for College Admission Counseling emphasizes that parents should begin planning for college in middle school.

Here are 10 tips to jumpstart the middle school transition:

 

1. Broach the subject of college

By no means is it the time to push for Harvard or Yale, or any other specific college. But it is important to discuss goals, interests, and career aspirations. Once you start the discussion, it will make it easier to see how these interests can translate into a college and career plan.

 

2. Amp up your involvement in the school

Once your child has moved past grade school, parents often see this as a time to become less involved. However, this is the time your student needs your encouragement and guidance. He will be making decisions about course selection, struggling with academics, and searching for electives and extracurricular activities that will require your input. Some schools, such as Shrub Oak International School, make this quite easy, with programs for parents and plenty of extracurricular activities that have room for family members. But above all, make sure you’re aware of how your child is doing and what their school expects from them. Ask the counselor to evaluate your student’s school test scores and identify any areas of weakness that might require extra tutoring. Be involved and be vocal when necessary.

3. Be prepared for course selection

The courses your student takes in middle school will prepare him for high school. Make sure he takes math and science courses that prepare him for advanced courses in high school. In addition, he should take English every year, as many history classes as possible, any computer courses that are offered, and foreign language electives. If your student is interested in music, sports, or art, middle school is the time to explore those interests. In order to take the advanced course in high school that colleges require, he should prepare for those in middle school.

4. Create a plan to pay for college

Don’t wait until the college offers of admission arrive to think about how you’re going to pay for it. Do your homework and start aggressively saving if possible. There are also other ways to fund college like scholarships, taking AP classes, dual credit classes at a community college, and taking summer courses for college credit. Begin researching all these options and take advantage of all of them; but in order to do it, your student must be prepared.

5. Encourage reading

Reading is the best preparation for standardized testing and high school reading assignments. Reading also improves vocabulary and writing skills. You can make this a family goal by reading the same book and having a discussion or adding vocabulary words to the family dinner discussion.

6. Make a study plan

You student will need good time management and study skills to succeed in high school and college. Middle school is the perfect environment to focus on good study habits. Set up a study space, agree on a study schedule, and provide the necessary study materials before school begins. Discuss how important it is to get help if needed and encourage him to let you know if he’s struggling so you can help him get tutoring if needed.

7. Explore extracurriculars

Middle school is the perfect time to start exploring extracurriculars. Once your student finds one that interests him, he can carry it on into high school. Colleges look for consistency in this area and if the student finds his interest in middle school, he can begin his high school years focused and committed to that one activity.

8. Plan some nearby college visits

It’s never too early to visit colleges. Schedule some nearby college visits. It can be a family affair; even a mini-vacation. Early college visits will help your student get accustomed to the college environment and a feel for what college life is like.

9. Look at high school programs

Investigate the programs at the high school or schools your student might attend. Do they offer AP classes, honors classes, or college prep courses? Are there opportunities for creative options like art and music? Does the school have a strong college network of counselors and advisors? These questions can guide you as you prepare for the next step—high school.

Find out about school hours as well. Do  they have a shorter school day or a longer school day compared to the average. You can use this to help gauge the time your child will have for after school activities.

10. Start the organization process

Create a filing system for all future college-related information. There will be scholarship applications, college information, school calendars, and more. Set up a landing zone and a filing cabinet to keep all these documents organized.

It’s time to begin your homework to make college affordable for your student and your family. Apart from the obvious of financial planning, you should research all the nuances of college admissions—standardized testing, financial aid, college visits, college searches, academics and extracurriculars. It takes time to research and consider all your options. The days of waiting until senior year of high school are over.

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Tips for Staying Connected with your Teen

 

staying connectedIt doesn’t matter how close you were before they entered high school, the tension always mounts and the temptation is to drift apart. It takes a concerted effort on your part to stay in touch with their world. They are naturally moving toward independence and we are naturally grasping to keep them from growing up. And thus begins the ying and yang of parent/teenager relationships.

During high school your teens will experience every form of human emotion: joy, sadness, rejection, fear of failure, excitement, disappointment, heartache, love, and the list goes on and on. Most of the emotions are extreme and always seem like the end of the world to them. It’s hard to convey to them that “this too shall pass” and they will realize as they get older that their life is just beginning.

They are looking ahead to the future while living in the present. Keeping on track and keeping their eyes on the prize (graduation and college) can be challenging. As their parent coach and encourager, and the all-knowing, all-wise adult in their life, it’s up to you to stay connected and help them maintain their focus.

Here are a few of my own tips to help when staying connected:

Find that time when you can sit with them and listen. This is not easy, because many teens rarely sit still for very long to have a conversation. I would sit in my daughter’s room while she picked out her clothes and dressed to go out. You’ll be amazed at how much information you can gather if you simply listen.

Share something they enjoy. It might not be your choice of activities, but if you share a common interest it gives you something to talk about. An activity as simple as watching their favorite television show with them, or making a trip to the mall to search for the all-important clothing purchase will offer opportunities for you to listen and for them to open up to you about their lives.

Let them make mistakes, but be there when they do. Allowing them to make choices and experience the consequences of those choices will prepare them for those times when you aren’t there to tell them what to do.

Pick your battles. It’s easy as a parent to constantly give advice, even to the point of overly controlling their lives. Save those showdowns for the biggies: drinking, smoking, drugs, and sex. Don’t stress so much over their clothing choices or their hair styles. They are teenagers. They want to fit in. If you’re not always battling them over the small things, they will be more receptive when you do put your foot down.

Staying connected with your teen can be challenging, but the rewards far outweigh the difficulties. When your teen turns to you and finally says, “thanks Mom” or “thanks Dad”, it’s all worth it!

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Overparenting Our Teenagers

 

overparenting our teenagers
photo by Michael Elins-Newsweek May 22, 2006

I saw an article come across my Twitter and Facebook feeds last week that stopped me in my tracks: Kids of Helicopter Parents Are Sputtering Out. The subheading: Recent studies suggests that kids with overinvolved parents and rigidly structured childhoods suffer psychological blowback in college. As you can imagine, I had to read more. Why was this happening? What does the data show? How can parents prevent these negative outcomes?

Why is this happening?

We live in a very different world. Our concerns for safety cause us to give in to overprotection, even when it’s not necessary. The competition for college admission has become more than a rite of passage; it’s become a race to see whose child gets into what college and who has bragging rights. We have the best of intentions–wanting the best for our children; but those intentions have snowballed into overparenting our teenagers and harming them emotionally.

In 2013, Charlie Gofen, the retired chairman of the board at the Latin School of Chicago, a private school serving about 1,100 students, emailed the statistics off to a colleague at another school and asked, “Do you think parents at your school would rather their kid be depressed at Yale or happy at University of Arizona?” The colleague quickly replied, “My guess is 75 percent of the parents would rather see their kids depressed at Yale. They figure that the kid can straighten the emotional stuff out in his/her 20’s, but no one can go back and get the Yale undergrad degree.”

Can this be true? Are parents willing to risk their child’s emotional health for a college degree?

 In How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success, the author Julie Lythcott-Haims, recounts some of her own experiences as a dean:

In my years as dean, I heard plenty of stories from college students who believed they had to study science (or medicine, or engineering), just as they’d had to play piano, and do community service for Africa, and, and, and. I talked with kids completely uninterested in the items on their own résumés. Some shrugged off any right to be bothered by their own lack of interest in what they were working on, saying, “My parents know what’s best for me.”

What does the data show?

In 2010 a psychology professor of Keene State College in New Hampshire surveyed 300 college freshmen nationwide. In 2011 the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga surveyed 300 students. In addition, there was in 2013,  a survey of college counseling center directors and a survey by The American College Health Association. In 2014, the University of Colorado conducted their own survey.

The data confirms that overparenting our teenagers has taken its toll on their mental health and ability to function as independent adults. When parents do everything for their children, it’s a shock when they enter the real world of college and have to fend for themselves and walk their own path.

How can parents prevent these negative outcomes?

Take a step back and let your student figure out things for themselves. Let them problem solve, self-advocate, and make their own decisions before leaving for college. Give them space to grow and expect them to be accountable for their actions–don’t bail them out of consequences.

Madeline Leving, psychologist and author of The Price of Privilege wraps it all up nicely:

When children aren’t given the space to struggle through things on their own, they don’t learn to problem solve very well. They don’t learn to be confident in their own abilities, and it can affect their self-esteem. The other problem with never having to struggle is that you never experience failure and can develop an overwhelming fear of failure and of disappointing others. Both the low self-confidence and the fear of failure can lead to depression or anxiety.

college planning, mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before Junior Year of High School (10 Tips for Moms)

 

Your student’s junior year will begin in the fall. It’s time for you and your teen to sit down and evaluate goals to make sure you are on-track for the college application process. As you go back through all the grades, papers, awards and accomplishments you will be able to see your teen’s progress and that progress will encourage them to keep focused and keep their eye on the prize: graduation and college acceptance.

1. The Junior Year GPA

If your teen has been working hard, their GPA should show it. College admissions counselors will be looking hard at their GPA from their junior year. It’s an important year to show them that the grades are at the least consistent, and at the best rising from the previous year. Falling grades are an indicator of lack of focus and could hurt them down the road when their application is reviewed. This is a good time to schedule a meeting with your high school guidance counselor and discuss your teen’s progress, and verify that their courses are on-track for graduation and for the colleges under consideration.

2. Take the PSAT

This is the all-important PSAT year. Even if your teen took it last year as practice (and hopefully they did) they need to register again, because this is when it counts. This is the year that their scores will qualify them for the National Merit Scholarship program and scholarships. Follow the calendar deadlines and register EARLY. If they took the test last year review the answers that they missed and make sure they know why they missed it and take some time to study the correct answers.

3. Take SAT and ACT practice tests

Register for the SAT or ACT and spend this year doing some practice tests online and studying vocabulary. Cramming rarely helps, but studying over a period of time and preparation will help them approach the test with confidence and the knowledge they need to test well.

4. Preparing for the Essay

Research some college applications and look at the essay topics. Encourage your teen to start thinking about the essay and drafting some preliminary essays. The college essay can often push the admissions officer over the acceptance edge if it’s done well and is unique. Look through the past essays they have written in high school and see if any could be adapted for the college essay. The worst thing your teen can do is submit a misspelled, grammatically incorrect essay as part of their college application. Early preparation will assure time for proofing and re-writes.

5. Time for some college fairs and college visits

Junior year is a perfect time to begin attending those college fairs and visiting college campuses. Many schools allow for excused college visit days. Check with your high school registrar for specifics, because you might have to complete forms to get the absences excused. Collect business cards and contact information and keep track of them using a database program. These contacts will help later if you have a question regarding a specific school or need a personal contact during the admissions process.

6. Intensify the Scholarship Search

Junior year is the time to “hunker down” and get serious about those scholarship applications. As you get closer to senior year, you’ll find that many are age and grade specific. If you’ve done your homework, you’ll have a concise catalog of those scholarships ready for your application. If not, don’t panic. There’s still plenty of time to do some research and jump on the scholarship bandwagon. Remember that every scholarship you receive, no matter how small, is FREE money that you don’t have to pay back. Don’t forget to investigate private scholarships and school-specific scholarships to assure you apply by the specific deadlines.

7. Discuss Family Finances

Summer is a good time to have that money talk with your student. How will you pay for college? What do you expect your student to contribute? What can your family afford? This will help as they begin to finalize the college list and start applying to college early in the fall of senior year.

8. Review your high school progress

Look at the past two years to see if there are any gaps in your teen’s resume. Have your teen answer these questions:

  • Do you need to do some volunteer work?
  • Are you involved in some type of leadership capacity in at least one activity?
  • Do your courses and grades show their college level success?
  • Have you established a relationship with a member of the faculty and with your high school guidance counselor?
  • Are your extracurricular activities “all over the place” or are they focused?

It’s not too late to remedy any of these situations. Your teen still has time during their junior year to get involved, volunteer, get to know their teachers/counselor, and exhibit leadership.

9. Begin refining the college list

It’s time to get serious about the college list. This list will dictate your college visits during junior year and be the guidebook for all your research and financial questions. Do the research, gather all the data, and narrow the list down as your student approaches the end of their junior year.

10. Don’t overparent

If you feel yourself pushing or nagging, take a step back. Don’t fall into the “competition” trap that will begin when school starts. Parents will begin to brag and you might find yourself falling into that admissions game. Don’t do it. Your student needs to find the place that’s right for him, not the place that gives you the greatest bragging rights. Help him find that college and support his decision.

college planning, mom approved tips, parenting

The Summer Before Sophomore Year of High School (10 Tips for Moms)

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Not much advice is given for the sophomore year of high school. It’s almost as if it’s not an important year in high school. But it is. Every year in high school is important if your child wants to move on to higher education.

Your teen has jumped in and is now a “seasoned” high schooler. Hopefully you have both gotten use to the high school routine. Sophomore year brings your teen closer to their goal of attending college. It’s during the 10th grade that your teen will begin to take some baby steps toward realizing their goal of a  college education. The focus for this year should be: preliminary testing, looking at careers, delving deeper into the college search, and getting heavily involved in a few activities.

Here are 10 tips to help parents prepare for sophomore year:

1. Begin talking about life after high school

Is your student drawn to traditional college or more toward a technical education or even entrepreneurial endeavors? These are important discussions to have as your student proceeds through high school and on to graduation. Technical colleges like Penn College address both issues by providing hands on training and a liberal arts education. But if your student wants only the technical training which is often a shorter time frame, you should also explore these options as well. Just remember, however, that this is only a discussion. Your student may change his mind many times over the next few years; but be open to any possibility.

2. Do Preliminary Testing

This is the year to take the PSAT (preliminary SAT) and PLAN (preliminary ACT). Why take them so early? First of all, because it doesn’t count and it’s great practice; secondly, because it will give your teen an idea of their testing strengths and weaknesses while they still have time to make improvements.

The key to utilizing these early tests is for your teen to get the scores and the test booklet and review the questions to find out which ones were answered incorrectly. Don’t just take the test, file the scores, and cross that task off your list. The whole point of testing early is to utilize every resource available to help your teen achieve testing success. There is nothing more disappointing than receiving low test scores when your teen excels in academics in school. Testing is all about being relaxed and knowing what to expect. These preliminary tests will help alleviate the stress of the unknown and help your teen prepare for the ones that really matter.

3. Explore careers

By now, your teen should know what interests them in school. Are they drawn to the sciences? Or is drama their cup of tea? Do they excel in math? Or are they interested in literature? These interests will serve to guide your teen down the right career path. It would be useless to pursue a career in the medical field if science and math are your teen’s least favorite subjects. It would also be frivolous to head down an acting career path if your teen does not like being on stage in front of people. Analyze their interests and strengths to guide them in choosing the career that would best suit them and feed their passion.

4. Take personality and/or career inventory tests

You can start here: http://www.allthetests.com/career-tests-job-quizzes.php and search for other tests online. Most of them are FREE and can be used as a tool to further determine the direction your teen might be heading in the college/career search. Many schools have software and testing as well that they offer to their students to help them find the right match.

5. Attend career days

Many cities offer career days with speakers from various walks of life. Encourage your teen to attend these and ask questions. Find out where the speaker attended college and the types of classes he/she might recommend if your teen is interested in that career. There’s nothing more beneficial than speaking with an actual doctor, lawyer, engineer, actress, musician, teacher, fashion designer or entrepreneur.

6. Delve deeper into the college search

You’ve done some internet surfing, looked online at some colleges that might appeal to your teen, and done some preliminary reading. This is the year that you increase the depth of your college search. As you progress through the process and the research you should get closer to narrowing down the schools that best fit your teen.

7. Start making a preliminary list

This is your teen’s list of college possibilities. Every teen has their “dream” college. They may not voice it, or allow themselves to think about it, but most of them have that name sitting in the back of their mind. Once they begin to know what their interests are and what is important to them, the list will start to take shape.

8. Take some online college tours

You and your teen can take some virtual tours of college campuses, and even purchase DVD’s of specific colleges if you want more in-depth information. These preliminary tours will give you and your teen a feel for the campus and prepare you when summer comes along and you start visiting some campuses. These visits are extremely important, and I will go into greater detail during the junior year plan. However, getting an early jumpstart, especially with some colleges within driving distance, will help your teen get an indication of what to expect when the tours become more focused as you begin to narrow down the final college choices.

9. Get heavily involved in a few activities

Admissions counselors have antenna for students that “pad” their high school resumes. These are the ones that dabble in a little of everything but never get involved in depth. While it’s important to try many different activities during high school, it is also important to settle on the few that interest you and stick with them. The goal is to eventually take on leadership positions or an active role in the mechanics of the organization. Help your teen to find the one activity that interests them and stick with it throughout high school. My daughter got involved in NJROTC and eventually became an officer in the corps. She also joined the drill team and the academic team, showing a level of commitment and focus.

10. Don’t forget the scholarship applications

You should encourage your teen to continue applying for scholarships. This task becomes more important during the next few years because many scholarships have age requirements and restrictions. Stay on top of the application deadlines and don’t get the “sophomore slacker” attitude. Your teen is headed into the home stretch and junior year is looming on the horizon.

Holidays, parenting

The Freedom to Choose

freedom

Today is Independence Day and along with all the fireworks, barbecues and festivities, we should always reflect on the meaning of freedom. Our college bound teens would tell us that freedom means they don’t have to be under the constant supervision of parents when they leave for college. Our upcoming seniors would say freedom means they have the right to choose the college they apply to and attend.

While the freedom to choose is at the center of our independence, we are also responsible for those choices and the consequences they might bring on ourselves and others.  That’s why it is extremely important that parents explain the consequences of a wrong college choice. What constitutes a wrong college choice:

  • Choosing a college that you simply cannot afford causing you to incur too much student loan debt
  • Choosing a college that you really know nothing about based on the choices of your friends
  • Choosing a college because it’s far away from home or close to home without investigating other factors like graduation rate, course availability and student population
  • Choosing a college because your boyfriend and/or girlfriend is going there and you don’t want to be separated
  • Choosing a college that does not match your social interests (i. e. a college that everyone goes home on the weekends, or a college with a predominant Greek life culture that doesn’t interest you)
  • Choosing a college because someone else has chosen it for you (parents, friends, teachers)

As you can see, all of these choices will result in an unhappy student who will most likely drop out freshman year and result in a large monetary loss as well as student loan debt that will have to be repaid. Teach your teens who crave for the freedom of choice that along with it comes the responsibility of making that choice. Choose wisely after you have all the facts.

Happy Independence Day! Enjoy your family and your freedom!