Tag Archives: parenting

college planning, dorm life, parenting

The First Day of College

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Your senior is looking ahead. The last few months of high school. Major decisions to make. A huge to-do list. Then…it’s off to college. How will your student adapt? How will you adapt? Here’s a letter to your student (save it for later) and prepare yourself for their first day of college and the longest goodbye.

first day of college

This is it!

You have made the college applications, you have been to those (not for the faint of heart) college visits, you have been accepted for a place, and then, finally, your alarm clock wakes you from your slumber. The day has finally arrived.

The day you leave home and embark on your college education.

Oh, the joys, the excitement, the nerves, the cold dread of fear…

It’s time for some survival tips to help you get through your first day.

Tip #1: Operate an open day policy

If you have a roommate, then you will automatically have one candidate for your social circle (let’s hope you like them). But if you are in a room of your own, don’t shut the door when you arrive. Well, don’t shut it for long anyway, as your day will be a lot easier if you manage to say “hello” to somebody. An open door is an opening for other residents to come and introduce themselves to you, so while you might want to curl up in bed if you’re stricken with nerves, know that operating an open door policy on your first day will help you make contact with similar others.

Tip #2: Make your room your own

Homesickness is common for first-day students, and while you may be tempted to ring your parents every five minutes for comfort, you can also make any negative feelings disappear by decorating your room with your some homely touches. Photos of friends and family, posters from your old bedroom, and any knick-knack you might possess are all useful ways to transform your dorm room from something strange and unfamiliar to something comforting and reassuring.

Tip #3: Get out and meet people

Don’t stay in your room alone for long. Hopefully, you may have met people through the open door policy we advocated, but if not, you need to be proactive. Wander down the corridor and knock on other people’s doors. Introduce yourself, and let them know your room number. And go out into the wider campus and find out where people are hanging out. It takes courage to go up to groups of people, but try and do so, or if you see other people wandering about alone, go and say “hello.” They are probably in the same boat as you are, trying to make sense of their first day in a new place.

Tip #4: Explore the campus

You are going to get lost – a lot – in your first few days at college. Don’t worry, this is normal, and if you are late for a few classes here and there, then you have an excuse. Still, you can make life easier for yourself by exploring your surroundings. Especially as  you won’t have much to do on your first day, this is the perfect opportunity to spend time getting to know where things are. From the cafeteria to the library, make a mental note of how to get to places, or make notes on your phone. You might also meet people this way too, so remember to be polite and introduce yourself as you’re on your walk around the campus.

Finally

Don’t despair if you don’t meet anybody you like. Don’t worry if your first day threatens to overwhelm you. It will get easier, so try to stay calm and carry on, even when your nerves threaten to get the better of you. There is plenty more advice online on how to survive college life, including this excellent blog from Stephen Troese Jr, so gather as much info as you can to help you on your college journey.


college prep, parenting

How Can Parents Help With College Prep?

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college prepWhen I was in high school, parents would never think of helping their student with college prep. The high school counselors handled any questions and most my classmates attended the local four-year university. But parenting has changed and so has college prep. With record numbers of students applying to college and the soaring costs of college, parents can help students relieve some of the stress of college prep by offering some help when needed.

Just remember that “help” is the operative word. Your student should always be in charge of the process. Here are just a few ways you can help your student with college prep:

Scholarship searches

Parents can assist students with scholarship searches. With all the opportunities online of scholarship postings and search engines, it’s easy to spend some time on your smartphone looking for scholarships that fit your student. You can do a Google search with scholarship parameters, use apps like MyScholly, or even search on Twitter by following users like @AidScholarship or @Scholarships360. Once you find a scholarship that matches your student’s interests and/or qualifications, pass the information along to your student.

Interview tips and information

Parents can certainly provide useful interview tips for their students. They can advise them on appropriate dress and give interview tips and encouragement.  You might even go as far as passing along useful articles about college interview questions and answers like this one: College Interview Questions to Ask and Answer.

Essay proofing and editing

While it’s not advisable for parents to contribute content to the student’s college essay (admissions officers can spot this instantly), it’s perfectly acceptable to help your student with proofing and editing. Your student may need to bounce off some ideas before starting as well. If you find it necessary, you can even provide further help by paying for an essay writing coach like The College Essay Guy to help.

College visits

Accompanying your student on college visits can be another way you can participate in the process. While on the visit, let your student take the lead. You should listen, take pictures, and even notes if necessary to help with the information gathering process. Scheduling multiple visits over a few days can also be helpful for both you and your student.

Test prep

Your student should set aside some time to prepare for standardized tests. You can help by scheduling study time during the week, monitoring practice tests, or even paying for a professional test prep tutor. Affordable and even free test prep is available for every student if you find this will help them better prepare

College choice

Even though the final choice of college should always be left to your student, you can certainly offer input and advice along the way. You can help your student stay within the financial guidelines you should set before applying and also help with the final decision.

 

college prep, parenting

Getting Your College-Bound Student Ready for College

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college

Every year students struggle with the transition from home life to college life and some of them find it so hard they do not make it through their freshman year. Sometimes they find the academic challenge too much, but for many of those who quit it is more the fact of being away from home and having to run their own life that they cannot cope with.

Teach Them To Accept They Will Not Always Excel

In high school, your child could have been an A student who always came top of their class. Now they are a different environment with other students who did well at school. The work is much harder and their grades may drop to B’s or C’s. They might no longer be the top of the class. They need to know how to cope with this, and to know that they will not always excel at everything they do.  The important thing is that they try their best, and as long as they have done that, they should accept whatever position they are in the class.

Having other people around that are more capable than us is part of life and a lesson they need to learn.

Help With Their Coping Mechanisms

The first few months at college can be very stressful. For many of the students, they have left home for the first time and find themselves in a strange environment. Some just give up and go back home, some seek teen anxiety treatment as they want to see it through, and others establish coping mechanisms of their own. Your children are likely to be in the former camp, or not struggle at all if you give them the right tools now.

Chat to them about how they are coping and see if there are any tips you can give them to make it a little easier. They are going to have to cope with challenges all through their life and establishing ways of coping with them now, whether that is from you or the professionals that have helped them, will stand them in good stead for the future.

Give Them Freedom

It is very tempting to keep tabs on your children so that you always know where they are and what they are doing. This is a natural reaction for parents who want to prevent their children from making mistakes.

However, if they never make a mistake they will not know how to deal with it, or how to get on with life afterward when they’re out on their own at college. You should expect them to test the boundaries and sometimes to make a wrong decision. Be there if they want your help, but generally teach them they have to accept responsibility for what they got wrong and deal with the consequences.

Let them know you are pleased when they have made the right choice over something, as this will foster a feeling of confidence in them.

Teach Them That The Small Stuff Does Not Matter

There are so many small things that teenagers will stress over that really do not matter. You should teach them the important things in life, and that they are just causing themselves unnecessary stress if they worry about small things such as what color socks they are wearing or if they have to go out in the evening when they do not want to.

Teach them to be resilient to the knocks life is bound to throw at them and they will grow into a much more capable and confident adult.

 

parenting

3 Good Habits to Teach Your Student

good habitsThere are all kinds of habits and behaviors that go into making a successful life and a strong character, and these include things ranging from how we handle our day to day obligations at work, to how we deal with financial issues, respond to stress, and more.

Some habits are so important that developing them at an early age really means getting a leg up over the competition in a big way. In fact, many people spend years dealing with the consequences of their bad habits before finally managing to take the required steps to change things for the better.

If you’re conscientious and mindful of the kind of habits you want to adopt, at a relatively young age, you can change the entire trajectory of your life going forward in a significant way. Here are a few examples of good habits that you should try and cultivate as soon as possible.

Good financial management

There’s no doubt that money issues are one of the premier sources of stress, dissatisfaction, and trouble in the lives of most people.

When those money issues are related to poor financial management skills, the problem becomes all the more severe, and can, in fact, result in major issues with debt, trouble paying for essentials, and more.

Good financial management isn’t the only part of the puzzle when it comes to being financially secure, but it is an important part.

To get started on developing good financial management skills, consider signing up for a service such as You Need a Budget — which is a zero-based budgeting tool that allows you to plan exactly what you’re doing with every penny you get, as it comes in, and easily adjust your plans on the fly.

Using a good budgeting tool can give you insights on how to manage credit card debt, and plan realistically for the month ahead, and further into the future.

Building positive change into your life by small increments

A major stumbling block that many people hit sooner or later, is the belief that making positive change in your life, or introducing positive habits of any sort, requires major change all at once, combined with a monumental force of will.

However, there’s some good evidence out there that’s been covered by leading habit experts, that suggests that “starting big” is often the worst thing you can do.

Instead, start “too small to fail” and build positive changes into your life bit by bit. Want to get into a regular jogging habit? Start by putting on your running shoes each morning and standing outside your front door for a minute. Seriously.

Tracking and managing your time well

Punctuality and good time management are at the core of just about anything you could want to do in life. Those who can manage their time effectively always have an advantage over those who can’t.

If you’re naturally prone to procrastination and poor time management, get a watch and start tracking how you spend your time.

Consider books like Laura Vanderkam’s 168 Hours, and timesheets and apps to get you on top of things.

college visits, parenting

College Visits Aren’t for the Faint of Heart

college visitsIt’s fall for high school juniors and that means it’s time to jump right in and start those college visits. (Sophomores should start making these as well–there is much to be gained from making some preliminary visits.) If this is your first time visiting with a teenager you are in for a treat–drama on top of drama on top of drama. These visits are not for the faint of heart.

My own experiences with college visits still provide me with much needed comedy relief; although at the time they produced frustration and tears.

Here are four different college visit experiences we had with her. They prepared her for her final choice which wasn’t in Texas and wasn’t her dream school. You just never know where the journey will take you.

Baylor University

This wasn’t an actual visit, but it does demonstrate how emotional college visits can be. She refused to visit Baylor because Waco was the location of the Branch Davidian compound. Even though she had several friends who were considering that college and the setting and course offerings were perfect for her, she crossed it off the list before we ever set foot on campus.

North Texas State University

This was the only public university she visited and we had barely stepped out of the car before she said, “I don’t like it here. It’s ugly.” We did take the campus tour, which further cemented her distaste for the campus. It was one of the only colleges on her list that had a strong program of study that interested her, but there was no convincing her to consider it after the visit.

SMU

When we drove up to this private university, it was love at first sight. The campus is gorgeous and the buildings were immaculately maintained. After taking the tour, she decided to spend a night on campus. Meeting other students, seeing the sorority houses and spending time in a few of the classes cemented her love for this school. It would be the jewel to compare other colleges to; and she found one just like it in Boston.

Newberry College

This was a small college in the suburbs of Boston. She applied to this college because 1) it was in Boston, and 2) it had a strong program of study that she was interested in. We visited this college after she was accepted and offered a full-ride scholarship. She never got out of the car. Her words, “I’m just not feeling it.” You can imagine my frustration but I knew that if she wasn’t happy she wouldn’t excel there, especially this far away from home. So I counted to 10, we drove off, and went to the next college—the college she ultimately  chose–Bentley College (a campus like SMU in Boston).

Those were my experiences, but yours might be entirely different. Prepare for your teenager to morph into these strange characters over the next several months.

The skeptic

Before you even get out of the car your kid announces that he’s just not feeling it. Don’t even attempt to decipher what that means because it’s impossible to understand. You’ve driven (or flown) to go to a college he had on a list and now he’s just not feeling it. Bench your anger, take a deep breath and get out of the car. You’ve come all this way and you’re going to visit the college. In the best of worlds he will get out with you. In the worst of worlds he’ll stay in the car. There’s not much you can do with an obstinate teenager; it’s best to move on.

The architect

And yet another alien appears. You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that he doesn’t like how it looks. Never mind that he’s not going to college for the buildings or the landscaping. He’s going for the academics. But for some reason his blinders aren’t allowing him to see anything but the buildings and no amount of pointing out the pluses is going to change his mind.

The critic

You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that the students don’t seem friendly. Mind you he’s probably not even spoken to any of them and it’s a good bet he didn’t like the tour guide. Don’t try to convince him otherwise because the more you say, the less likely he’ll come around. Just wait until a cute girl approaches him. He’ll change his tune quickly.

The panic-stricken

You get back into the car after your last visit and he announces, “I’m not sure I want to go to college”. Don’t panic. He’s just realized the whole thing is real and he’s terrified. Give him some time to think it through and tomorrow he’ll most likely change his mind again. The worst thing you can do is draw a hard line in the sand now because his feelings are likely to go up and down like a roller coaster over the next few months (or years).

What’s a parent to do?

Even though your kid wants you to treat him as an adult, he’s still a teenager. His emotions are all over the place and this next step in his life is frightening. Remember that college is largely an emotional decision and you should expect that emotions will play into that decision. When the dust settles and the emotions clear, he will make a decision based on all the factors, including his campus visits. After all, you don’t want him to attend a college he just isn’t feeling and you don’t want him to make a decision and leave out the emotional factor. He’s going to spend the next four years of his life at this school. It will become his second home and it’s important that he likes where he is.

As you can see, it’s not an exact science. You can plan and prepare all you want, do your research before visiting, and make a list of likes and dislikes prior to pulling up to campus. But it’s that first impression that will have a lasting impact on their college decisions. There’s nothing logical about a teenager. Prepare for a wild ride.

parenting

Is Your Student Showing Signs of Bullying?

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bullyingAs a parent, many things will cause you worry and sleepless nights. When our kids are tiny, we worry about whether they are safe in their crib, whether they are getting enough milk and if they are warm enough. As they get older though, the things that you worry about change. You send them off to school in a jumper and assume that they’ll be able to keep themselves warm and fed. But, there are new things to worry about. You’ll spend time wondering how they are settling in, if they’ve got friends, how they are coping with their workload and if they are trying their best.

One of the big things that we worry about as parents of school-aged children, whether they are 5 or 20, is bullying. Bullying has always been a problem, and the world of social media seems to have only made it worse and given the bullies a new form of attack. While kids will always get into the odd tussle or argument, bullying is something very different. See how Dr. Jerry Jellig responded to bullying and take a look at these signs that all parents should be watching out for.

School Avoidance

All kids have the occasional day when they don’t want to go to school. Even those that normally love going have days when they don’t feel like it, when they are worried about a class or assignment, or when they just want to do something else. This is normal and nothing to worry about.

But, when it starts to become more than this, when they never want to go to school, never talk about their day and start making excuses to stay at home it can be the sign of a more serious issue.

Change of Personality

Mood swings and personality changes in themselves aren’t always a problem. This can be another typical sign of a child growing up. Especially teenagers or those approaching the teen years. It’s also normal to notice mood swings after a holiday when returning to school is making them tired, and they are struggling to return to a routine.

But, if these mood swings are dramatic, and their personality seems completely different around school times, then keep an eye on it. It could be a sign that something is worrying them. Change in appetite is another thing to watch out for.

Poor Sleeping Patterns

You’ll know yourself that when you are feeling anxious or worried, you struggle to get a good night’s sleep. Your child might well be the same. If they are being bullied or worried about school, you may find that they seem much tidier than usual, as they are worrying late into the night.

Weight Loss

A lack of sleep and change in appetite isn’t always obvious, especially if your child is older, stays up later and doesn’t always eat with you. But, weight loss can be a sure sign, especially if it’s sudden and unrelated to exercise.

If you are concerned that your child is being bullied, speak to them. Listen to what they are telling you, without guiding or pushing them, and they speak to their teachers or staff at school as soon as you can.

college planning, parenting

Are Your Pressuring Your Child Too Much to Study?

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studyCollege is a very important decision. It could affect your child for the rest of their lives and it could even mean the difference between them getting the job of their dreams and not. Of course, as a parent you may feel pressure here as well because you only want the best for your child and you also want them to do well. The last thing that you want however is to put additional pressure on them because if you do then you may end up doing more harm than good and this is something that you will want to avoid.

You Criticize Too Much

If you find that you criticize more than you praise then this is a clear sign that you are putting too much pressure on them. A lot of parents tend to ignore a lot of positive behavior because they don’t think that their kids need praise for being good because they need to be pressured so that they can be great. This is not the case at all, so if you know that your child is putting in the work, don’t be afraid to reward them. Take them out shopping, or even grab a coffee and catch up on news that revolves around something other than college. When you do this, you can give them a break and you can also show them that you support them regardless. After all, the last thing that you want is for your child to feel as though if they fail, that your love for them will disappear.

Micromanaging

If you are a high-pressure parent then you may find that you micromanage your child when they are trying to study. You may ensure that they are doing everything right and you may even go above and beyond when it comes to getting them study resources. Although at times, there may be nothing wrong with this, you do need to make sure that you are letting them study by themselves. If you don’t then they may find it hard to study alone when they go to university and when they are away from home, this is the last thing that you need.

You Believe Every Situation Is Going to Alter their Life

If you find that you are constantly telling your child that nearly every situation is do-or-die then this can cause you major issues. You don’t need to tell your child that this is their one-shot and you don’t need to put them under any more pressure than they are already under. This is especially the case for gifted and talented students and the main reason for this is because they already understand the consequences of their actions. They are also already aware of their potential and what they could go on to achieve, so you don’t need to keep reminding them that every time they get a lower score on a test, that they are compromising their own chances. After all, this may not even be true, because there are so many resources out there designed to help those who do score badly on tests, to re-try or even take an alternative route.

parenting

Driving: An Adult Responsibility Your Student Should Master

drivingWhen your kids decide they want to drive, it’s normal to want to approach them about driving especially if you have prior experience. It’s a fantastic opportunity to spend time with your kids and it can be a brilliant bonding experience. If they’re interested in learning to drive, then here are a couple of the most important things about driving that you should pass down.

  1. Seatbelt First

There are many depictions of driving in films and media where people just don’t use their seatbelts. In fact, your kids may have rode in a car where the driver didn’t request everyone to put on their seatbelts, nor did they bother to check if everyone was wearing them. This is typically because they feel safe driving shorter distances, especially if there’s no traffic. However, it’s incredibly dangerous to forget your seatbelt and it’s something you need to drill into their head as soon as possible.

  1. Watch Other Cars, Not Just Yourself

Defensive driving is the best way to avoid a talk with your car accident lawyer.. If you don’t want to end up in an accident, it’s vital that you teach your kids the importance of not just watching their own cars, but the cars around them as well. This will train them to be mindful of other drivers and also helps them identify problematic drivers before they have a chance to accidentally crash or strike your child when they’re driving in the future.

  1. Cars Are Not Fashion Statements

With influence from pop culture and media, your kids might have this idea that cars are a fashion item and they need to get the latest and greatest models and brands. In fact, with the rise of Tesla’s electric cars and talks about saving the environment becoming popular in schools, they might be more willing to purchase a vehicle in the future because of the brand, not because of the features. Instead, teach them that used cars are acceptable and there are plenty of fantastic vehicles that feel great to drive instead of just looking fancy.

  1. Distractions Are Bad

Distractions, such as talking on the phone, answering a text message or even changing the music, are bad. You need to teach your kids to keep both eyes on the road, ears on the road and hands on the wheel. Even something like talking to their friend in the passenger seat could cause distractions especially if they’re looking to face them when talking, so make sure to highlight the importance of avoiding distractions.

  1. You’re the Example

If you decide to teach your kids how to drive, then remember that you’re the role model for them. You need to do everything you teach them or else they’ll create the connection that you’re teaching them something that you don’t actually believe in yourself. So if you’re going to teach them about distractions, don’t make an exception for yourself. If you’re going to drone on about seat belts to ensure they learn, then don’t neglect the seatbelt yourself.

parenting

Finding the Best Car for your College Student

carNow that your student is all grown up and off to college, it’s perhaps time to have that chat about buying a car. Undoubtedly, it’s going to make his or her life way easier when they have to be on time for classes – and it also gives them that sense of extra responsibility that we often need in order to actually grow up.

You may have your own doubts, though, which is understandable. It’s hard enough to see them jet off to college and leave the house they grew up in behind, but now they’re going to be fully independent. They don’t even have to ask you for a ride anymore, and it’s hard to say if this is a good thing or not.

Here is a handful of expert advice on what to look for when buying a car for your teenager. That way, you can feel a bit more confident about your decision.

#1 Focus on parenting rather than technology

You can buy your teen the fanciest car with all of the technology in the world, but it’s really no replacement for good parenting. You need to have that chat with your teenager long before they’re able to drive a car of their own and make sure that, even if they’re not experienced enough, at least they know how to handle the vehicle.

Some features may be helpful, though, such as a text alert when your teen is going over the speed limit. That way, you’ll be able to let them hear it when they’re back home – and you can lecture them even if you’re not in the car with them.

#2 Buy a boring car

Like all parents should know, the best car for your teenager is one that is boring and slow. Flashy colors and an engine that’s made for speeding is really no option for an inexperienced driver – no matter how cool it would make you seem as a parent.

Remember that you can find great prices on used cars online, by the way, so that you don’t have to spend money on buying a brand new one. Have a look at Kelly blue book value to estimate the price of a car you have your eyes on, and make sure that it’s a big, boring, and slow one.

#3 Skip phone-to-car features

While technology certainly is making it easier for us to use our phones while driving, it’s not really the safest feature for inexperienced drivers. You should definitely pass on those Apple Carplay features or general phone-to-car interfaces as they just make it way easier for your teenager to get distracted while driving.

Let them know that focusing on anything else than the road is a big no, and set an example by avoiding the features yourself while driving. That way, they’ll never be able to use it against you later on.

 

move-in day, parenting

A Different Perspective on College Move-in Day

college move-in dayIt’s that time of year again. Parents are moving their brand-new college students into college dorms. Tears are flowing. Anxiety abounds. Parents have dreaded move-in day for months and sadness permeates just about every single post on social media.

I do remember crying; but not because I was sad. I was joyously happy. Both my children were attending college. I thought it might not happen. Finances were tight from caring for an elderly great aunt and an aging father. We were living paycheck to paycheck and I knew if college were to be a reality, my children would have to score some hefty scholarships and merit aid. Both of their senior years were stressful.

My son wanted to attend a military academy, but his grades just weren’t good enough. Knowing we couldn’t pay for college, he made the choice to join the Marines out of high school so he could use the GI Bill funds to attend either during his service or after serving his four years.

My daughter’s grades were superior. Two years later, I knew that we had to focus on scholarship applications and choosing colleges that met a major portion of our financial need. She was admitted to a prestigious college in Boston with enough merit aid and scholarships to pay for her education with minimal student loans.

All this to say, I had a completely different perspective on college move-in day. It was not only a dream come true for each of them, but a dream come true of mine as well. After all the struggles and the stress, both of them were attending college.

I just couldn’t be sad, because this is what I felt:

Extreme pride

My daughter worked so hard to get into college in Boston. It was her dream from the time she was a little girl. And she did it. My son knew what he had to do to achieve his goal and he served his country while earning money for college. I couldn’t have been prouder of both of them.

A sense of accomplishment

We did it. It wasn’t just their success. It was ours as parents as well. We supported them through the entire process and we were finally seeing the fruit of our hard work and perseverance. It was no small feat for either of them or for us knowing the roadblocks and struggles we encountered.

Hope for their future

They were both, in their own way, pursuing their education and securing a solid future in the workforce. It’s what every parent wants for their children—a better life and a secure future. College would be that for each of them and I was hopeful that after four years we would rejoice when they were gainfully employed at a career they loved.

Excitement for the adventures they would have

Both would be attending college in Boston, a city full of activity, sports, history and populated with college students. My daughter wanted to pledge a sorority and study abroad. My son was excited to learn all about Boston and the history there while he pursued a History major. What better place than the place where our nation began? I knew they were facing some grand adventures and travel. I knew they would may forever friends. I knew that college would change them in ways I could never imagine and I would get to share in that growth as I watched and participated at times.

Joy that I got to be a part of this monumental day in their lives

Move-in day was certainly chaotic for both my children. My daughter moved into a freshman dorm where she didn’t know anyone. My son moved into an apartment with strangers. But they weren’t the least bit anxious or hesitant. It was exciting to meet their roommates and their parents. It was fun to participate in the parent events and do some last-minute shopping. We made the most of the few days I was there and I was so happy I got to be a part of it.

Anticipation for the next chapter in our lives

Even though my great aunt and father were still living with us, I knew we would be childless for the first time in our lives. I looked forward to traveling, going out on dates together, attending parent weekends, and getting to know one another again. I was also anticipating having a new kind of relationship with my adult children as they mature and grow independently away from home.

All this to say—cry those tears, feel the loss, and grieve a little on move-in day. But while you are at it, celebrate what that day means. Shed a few tears of joy and anticipation. The next chapter in your life, whether it’s an empty nest or simply one less child at home, can be exciting for you and for your family.