Families often use summer vacations to start the college visit process, take a quick walking tour, and begin to formulate a college list. If you’re a parent of a college-bound teen and visited a college campus, you have undoubtedly heard these words: “it just doesn’t feel right”. Before you say, “that’s ridiculous”, take a deep breath and think about their response. What are they really saying?
They are scared
College, for most students, is scary. They will be leaving home for the first time, on their own, and entering an unfamiliar environment. Driving onto a campus makes it real. Anxiety is a reasonable response.
They feel like they won’t fit in
College is just another environment with other kids and the possibility of not fitting in with other students weighs heavy on their mind. However, one of the important facets of the college visit is to hang out with other students and learn about the campus culture. Be sensitive to this concern.
The campus is not what they envisioned
Most students envision beautiful buildings, lavish student union spaces and gorgeous dorms. If the college you are visiting is not what they envisioned, help your student look past the external and remind them academics should be at the top of the list. But remember that first impressions weigh heavy on their decision and even though they might say, “ok”, they may be crossing it off their list.
The cold hard truth is that those “feelings” are sometimes justified, often irrational, and perfectly normal. Nancy Berk, in her book College Bound and Gagged, sums it up:
So what’s the solution [to their anxiety]? The easiest one is to respect the illogical teen refusal. After all, some claim if he is miserable at first sight, he will be miserable for four years if you force the issue. Do I agree? No, but have you ever tried to pull a 6 foot tall 17-year old out of a parked car and make him follow you around campus? This is when gentle threats, reasonable bribes, and guilt (“Do something for me for a change!”) come in handy.
Preparing for those moments of vocal, outward resistance will help you deal with this type of behavior. And when all else fails, give them some time to ponder their decision and help them see that multiple visits, even if they aren’t “feeling” it, will help them make the final college decision. Or, as Nancy says, resort to bribery.
P.S. For more parent tips about the college admissions process, check out Zinch’s High School Blog, and click on the For Parents tab at the top of the page.