Today I’ve opted to post an article written by a young woman who has worked as a financial aid officer and wants to spread the word about financial literacy and money management skills for college-bound teens. She has witnessed parents and students make some unwise decisions about college. She offers some excellent advice on how to choose a college.

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Choosing which college to attend is a family decision.  Rather, it should be a family decision.  Especially if the family (i.e. parents!) will commit to covering the college expenses.

What the Experts Say

There are a number of factors to consider when choosing a college.  Some experts suggest  considering the national college rankings.   Others recommend choosing a college by the potential debt it might incur.  The College Board’s Big Future suggests a number of factors to consider when choosing a college, including size and location.  Some experts recommend visiting the college, speaking to students, alumni and faculty. Others recommend getting to know the resources available at the college and speaking to the admissions officers.  There are TONS of things to consider when choosing a college!

Almost all of the advice out there suggest that the decision should be based on information gathered by researching – and there’s not much of an emphasis on getting input from the family.

Taking a Different Approach

During my time as a financial aid counselor I helped many families learn about the college costs – AFTER the student had already enrolled in the college.  At that point, the student is already invested in the school and so is the family.

Also at this point many of the families (both parents and students) had regrets about their decisions and felt that it was too late to change course – it was the middle of the semester after all.  They had regrets about not evaluating their ability and willingness to pay for the college costs BEFORE having made the decision to attend.  Ability to pay is important – but even if a family has the ability to pay, doesn’t necessarily mean they have the willingness to pay.  Are they willing to pay $65,000/year for a private college?  Are they willing to take on the debt?

In many cases, by the time families came to me to explore their options about how to finance the college costs, they learned that they had very few options to make it work:

• Borrowing Federal Parent PLUS Loans
• Taking out home equity loans
• Using credit cards
• Dipping into their retirement accounts

The families were able to move forward with these decisions, but they had many hesitations about doing so.  Taking out a home equity loan, for example, was a common option that families chose.  But they were very uncomfortable with the decision.  The result?  Families ended up compromising their financial goals.

I recall some families would come up with other creative options like selling their cars or getting a second job.  I especially remember speaking to a father who admitted that he “sold the family gold” (I had no idea this was common practice!) to pay for his son’s education!

These families didn’t realize what they were getting into. Parents wanted to accommodate their student’s decisions, but I could tell that they were uncomfortable with the limited options.

This is why I strongly believe that choosing a college is a family decision. Because, like it or not, this decision affects the entire family – especially if there’s an expensive private college on your student’s radar.  It’s best to stay involved in this part of the process; and to make this decision together and compromise if necessary.

Does this make you feel uncomfortable?

It’s weird, right?  You’re probably thinking that choosing a college should be the student’s choice, not yours.  You don’t want them to feel guilty about wanting to choose an expensive college over a more affordable one that would make your life easier.  And you definitely don’t want to stand in the way of your child’s dream college.  It might even feel like you’re overstepping your boundaries by wanting to be involved in the final decision-making process.

This is normal.  In fact, it’s so normal that we forget that this is even a thing!  It’s called individualism and it places more value on the individual rather than the collective.  Merriam-Webster defines it as, “the belief that the needs of each person are more important than the needs of the whole society or group.”  Individualism is so deeply ingrained in our culture, that we don’t even question it.  Today, I want you to be critical of this deeply ingrained mindset.

Think about the differences between Eastern and Western philosophies.  In Western cultures, we place more value on the self, on our individual talents and accomplishments.  Eastern cultures place more value on collectivism which emphasizes the importance of groups, like the family, community, state, or country.

I believe that there is value in both Eastern and Western perspectives – and it’s important to balance between individualism and collectivism.

Individualism is a philosophy that we live by everyday and we don’t even notice it.  I want you to notice it today.  And when the time comes, I want you to notice it as it relates to choosing which college to attend.

How to Have the Conversation

I’d like to offer just ONE tip for you to work towards making this family decision: Next time you’re discussing college plans, you can say something like, “You can go to any college you want, but there may need to be some compromises.  We’re a team and we’re going to have to work together to make this decision work.”  Bottom line: the best thing to do is be direct, honest, and offer your support.

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As a financial aid counselor, Katie has witnessed the lack of financial literacy among college students. That’s why she’s a big believer in learning money management skills early in life. Sign up for her newsletter where she shares tips about how to prepare your teen to make smart financial decisions: http://planningwithpoise.com/