All posts by Suzanne Shaffer

Mom-Approved Tips: Teaching Teens Consquences

 

teaching teens consequencesOne of the first things we learn growing up is that all of our actions have consequences. If we pull a glass of water off the table, it will spill all over us. If we touch a hot burner on the stove, it will burn. If we pick up a knife on the blade, it will cut us.

Selective memory loss

Teaching teens consequences can be challenging. Unfortunately, too many teens don’t carry that knowledge into their teen years as they begin to make choices that are life changing and life altering. They don’t rationalize that sleeping with someone you just met can have consequences: sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, pregnancy, rape and even at the very worst murder. They don’t think that cheating on a test in school, even if you don’t get caught, robs you of an education and learning. They don’t see that getting in a car with a drunk driver could end in tragedy because most teens who are drunk believe they have the capacity to drive. They can’t look far enough into the future to see that going to a college they can’t afford could land them in overwhelming debt after graduation.

Running down the scenarios

I know. All those scenarios are a bit dramatic. But let’s just think before we discount them as viable examples of ignoring the consequences of our choices. Your teen would be well served if he did the same. The next time your teen is tempted to sleep with someone they just met, what would happen if they ran over the previously stated consequences in their mind before they decide to do it? There would be consequences to their decision: good or bad. Before they make the decision to cheat on that next test, they replay the scenarios in their mind before they make those cheat notes. The consequences would be either good or bad. Before they get into a car with another teen who is drunk or drive drunk themselves, imagine what would happen if there is an accident and their friends or other innocent drivers and passengers are killed. Before making those final college choices, your teen should know that their ability to repay massive student loans depends on their ability to gain employment after graduation that would provide enough income to pay back those loans.

All decisions have consequences

When you’re young and your whole life is ahead of you, you tend to function in the present. Twenty or thirty years from now seems like an eternity to someone in their teens. But time has a way of catching up with us and every choice we make when we are young has both good and bad consequences. The trick is to know when those consequences aren’t worth the risk. And the other trick is to pause long enough before taking those risks to weigh both the good and the bad.

If your teen gets anything from this bit of advice, let it be this: take time to think before you act. Weigh the good and the bad consequences. Then once they decide, make the best of their decision and swallow the good with the bad. Every path they take in life has the potential for greatness. Encourage your teen to be wise and think before they act, knowing that their choice could potentially be the wrong one.

 

Saturday Giveaway: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years

 

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book giveawayDoes your daughter call home in tears over the latest “crisis”, leaving you feeling helpless and concerned? Is your son confused about his major? When children leave for college, many parents feel uncertain about their shifting roles. By emphasizing the importance of being a mentor, “Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money-The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years” shows that parents may have lost control over their college student, but they haven’t lost influence.

Brimming with humorous case examples and realistic dialogues, this comprehensive guide cover the fundamental college issues using a topical format using these suggestions: what you need to know, what’s going on, what to do, and what to avoid.

This book is great for current college parents and future college parents, and you could win it by entering this giveaway below:

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Scholarships Friday: Go Local!

 

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scholarshipScholarship search engines like Zinch are great–they expand your reach and match you to scholarships you might not know exist. These are massive scholarship databases and every student should take advantage of them. However, the large applicant pools for many of these scholarships means the competition is intense.

Consider going local. Unearth local scholarships in your own community. The applicant pools for these scholarships are smaller and your chances of winning them increases. You will be surprised at the local scholarships that are often overlooked and no scholarship money is dispersed.

Check out these resources and add them to your scholarship search criteria:

Your guidance counselor

First stop–your high school guidance counselor. Local scholarships come across their desks frequently. Check back often to see if any have surfaced and let your counselor know that you are interested in applying to all local scholarships.

Local newspapers

Check out your local newspaper (even if it’s online) for scholarship winners that they publish every year. Do the research and find out the deadlines for these, get the information and apply for next year.

Area high school websites

Did you know that you can go to other area high school websites and look in the counseling section? They often post scholarships that are set aside for local students, not just students at their high school.

Local organizations

Many local organizations like the Lions Club, the Elks Club, the Rotary Club, and the Toastmaster Club give scholarships yearly to deserving high school seniors. Contact the local organizations and ask for information about their scholarship opportunities.

Your network

Ask your pastor, your parent’s friends, your parents employer and any other people in your network of friends and family if they know of any scholarships. You would be surprised at how many scholarship opportunities go unpublicized.

Local companies

Local companies often give scholarships to deserving students. Engineering firms, architectural firms, law firms and even oil refineries recognize student achievements and give out yearly scholarship awards.

School organizations

Any school organization may award student scholarships such as the school band, the JROTC parent organization, the drill teams, the PTA and others. Any group that your child is involved in could possibly award scholarships.

These scholarships are typically not as large as the national ones, although some are; but the odds of winning are so much greater. And ten small scholarships can add up to the amount of one large one. Start the search early in high school so that when senior year comes around, you will have a list of local available scholarships.

 

How to Prepare an Art or Design Portfolio: Top 5 Tips

 

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animationPerhaps your son or daughter has always been good with a brush and a pen or with video art, and now as a high school junior or senior they’re talking about majoring in an art or design field. That means they need to compile samples of their work into an art or design portfolio.

A portfolio is required for admission to many art and design programs and for consideration in nearly all scholarship programs. It should be thoughtfully put together and include pieces that represent your child’s overall artistic strengths and interests. So, you can’t just mail a few favorite pieces. The portfolio tells the admissions counselors about who your child is and what sets your child apart from other candidates.

If a college application deadline is looming and neither you nor your child has even thought about a portfolio, don’t feel bad. You’re not alone. Here are five things to remember as your student compiles their portfolio.

  1. Find 10 to 20 pieces that highlight all-around abilities and work as a group. Include a variety of pieces that show your child’s personality and willingness to dedicate time to a project. All pieces must be original ideas, not “borrowed” or copied from others’ works. For example, consider including a sketchbook that demonstrates creative thinking. Be sure to include specific school requirements, or your portfolio will be tossed out.
  2. Make sure the works make sense as a group and are arranged well.  fashion designWhen deciding which pieces to include, look at your work as a group: What can each contribute to the portfolio? What does each communicate to the reviewer? Does the piece showcase a skill-set? Order also is important. The first piece in the portfolio should make a strong statement and set the tone for the rest of the presentation. The following pieces should show ability, with the most expressive works placed in the middle.
  3. Ensure that all portfolio items are professionally presented. Once the pieces have been selected and arranged, make sure everything is labeled properly and easy to read (toss out those Post It Notes!). For example, to best present 3-D pieces, photograph them against a backdrop for a professional presentation. Remember, admissions offices will be reviewing thousands of applications, so you want your child’s to stand out (not because it’s sloppy, but because it’s well thought out and put together).pottery group
  4. Ask for help and be open to the advice.The portfolio should only include your child’sbest work, yet it’s tough to critique a loved ones work. Ask teachers, colleagues and friends for their opinion on the portfolio before it’s submitted. Also, most colleges encourage in-person preliminary portfolio reviews during junior and senior year. Take a few samples to the visit, and college admission staff will guide your child on pieces that are worth editing and further developing for their portfolio. Fortunately, plenty of resources exist for students to create a portfolio that will boost confidence in current skills and pave the way to a life in art and design.
  5. Follow submission guidelines and never miss a deadline. Read and re-read the submission guidelines to make sure proper steps are taken to prepare and submit the portfolio. For example, the college may have specific digital submission requirements if you submit your portfolio electronically. And, be aware of all deadlines for submission. Even if you’re in a time crunch, staying up late to ensure the pieces selected represent your child’s work is arranged well, and professionally presented may mean the difference between the application being accepted or rejected.

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Today’s guest blogger, Densil R. R. Porteous II is the Director of Admissions for CCAD. Prior to joining CCAD he was an assistant dean of admission for marketing and outreach at Sanford University and an associate dean/director of college counseling at the Drew School in San Francisco. He is a graduate of Kenyon College. Densil can be reached at Dporteous@ccad.edu. CCAD is one of the oldest and largest private art and design colleges offering bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Fine Arts in the United States. www.ccad.edu

Wednesday’s Parent: Straight Talk about Peer Pressure

 

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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Straight Talk about Peer Pressure

peer pressure

If your friend jumped off a bridge would you do it? 

This is a classic parental adage. I can’t count how many times my parents uttered that statement to me. My childhood consisted of daily reprehensible acts that I’m sure made my mother cringe in terror. I took every dare or challenge, even if it required any physical risk of life or limb. Oddly enough, I never broke a bone. I have many scares from cuts and scrapes, but never took a trip to any emergency room. Danger was exhilarating to me and I found pleasure in the simple acts of childhood defiance.

It seemed only fair that God would bless me with children who followed in my footsteps. My son was born with the same spirit of defiance. As a child, he was always “jumping off that bridge” and taking others with him. If it was dangerous, he was up for it. One hot summer day I came home from work to find him and some friends skateboarding off the roof into an above ground swimming pool. For months we had been trying to discern the cause of numerous indentations in the pool liner causing leaks. He had been doing this all summer long and crashing his skateboard into the bottom of the pool as he came off the roof. It did not even occur to him that this might be dangerous or risky. One of his friends had suggested they try it and he was more than willing to give it a shot.

My daughter, for most of her life, stood back and watched. She did very little “jumping off of bridges” until her last few years of high school. It was at this point that she decided to literally jump off her first bridge. One summer night, while driving to the beach with friends, they decided to stop on a bridge that crosses over an island with a small channel that passes from the Gulf of Mexico to the intercoastal canal. Apparently it was a common practice among teenagers to do this because there was a sign posted warning against it. That didn’t stop my daughter. She jumped off that bridge that night and continued to take dangerous risks all through her college years.

As parents it is our natural instinct to protect our children from danger. At a young age, we caution them about looking both ways before they cross the street. When they get older, we teach them to ride bicycles and warn them of the dangers of riding at night without reflectors. During their teenage years, our greatest fear is that they will get into the car with a reckless or drunk teen driver. And in college, we’re afraid they will do something to put their lives in jeopardy because they are impaired by alcohol. These peer pressures keep parents up at night and even the most stalwart of heart frightened.

If they don’t want to play with you, then find some other friends

When my kids were younger, I must have said this at least once a week. The simple fact is that kids can be cruel. They don’t care about hurting your kid’s feelings or making them cry. And a group of kids can be even crueler. Sadly, I have found that these same kids grow up to be teens and later adults. Those same kids that tortured you as a child continue to torture people as adults. It doesn’t matter what their groups are called: cliques, “the in-crowd”, fraternities, “junior league”, society, power circle, the “rich and famous”, or even the cool ones. They exclude the ones who are not like them.

What can you do about these “friends” that don’t want to play with you? The real question for me is why do you want to play with them at all? Why would anyone want to be that shallow, opinionated, callous, uncaring and insensitive? Why would anyone want to be accepted into a group that sets its values as money, power, prestige and the right address? You can strive your entire life to be accepted by these people, but when push comes to shove, they will never be friends. They let you play with them when it’s convenient or beneficial for them. They will never sacrifice any of their needs, wants or desires to meet you halfway or even try and see things from your point of view. They will never change. They have been that way since they were children and will continue to set their values and goals as they relate to the group they belong to.

My advice to anyone in this situation is to find some new “friends”. Find some friends that have the same values as you. Find some friends that are kind to those around them. Find some friends that sacrifice and give for others. Find some friends that speak to you in love and compassion, not judgment and condemnation. Quite frankly, this group is much larger than the ones who don’t play fair.

What’s a parent to do?

Unfortunately, you can’t keep your kids in a cocoon and protect them from themselves or their friends. And you can’t spend your whole life worrying about what they are doing with they are not with you. You can teach them basic survival skills and instill in them moral values. You can help them choose friends that don’t “jump off bridges”. You can give them every opportunity to take supervised risks so they will be less likely to take the dangerous kind.

When they come to you and ask to do something because “all their friends are doing it”, be a wise parent and don’t reach for the closest parental adage. Explain to them your reasons for concern and reaffirm your love for them. Make sure they aren’t giving in to peer pressure. Have them give you their reasons for wanting to go on a 5-day unsupervised trip to Mexico. After both sides have stated their cases, it is your responsibility as a parent to make the proper decision. Your kids may balk and scream and say they hate you forever. They may storm out of the room and slam the door when you tell them no. But even though you didn’t say it, you know that just because their friends “jump off bridges”, it doesn’t mean they have to follow.

Note: This is an excerpt from my book: Biscuits Taste Best with Chocolate Sauce (or Because I’m the Mother). Soon to be published in 2014.

For Wendy’s take on Peer Pressure, read her blog as well.

Pay4SchoolStuff: An innovative tool for parents and schools

 

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pay 4 school stuff

As a recently empty-nested parent of three Montgomery County Public School children, Jay D. Bass, Ed.D., President Payment Partners, Inc., and his wife have written checks for many years for everything from AP tests, to trips to the Zoo.   Using their children as “fee messengers” had never been a good strategy, as attested by the innumerable lost checks and forms mysteriously “eaten by the dog.”   Writing checks in this day and age is an archaic process and a time-consuming burden on parents.  Collection of these checks (and related forms) by school administrators and affiliated organizations such as PTSAs and booster clubs, is labor-intensive and often is fraught with confusion and lack of coordination.

Clearly, based on this story and others that have (and have not yet) appeared, there is abundant opportunity for fraud, theft, and mismanagement.  Recent estimates for PTA fundraising alone indicate that over $4B changes hands in just elementary schools in the U.S.  Coupled with fees for field trips, tests, membership dues, tickets, sport apparel, and other items, industry experts estimate that between $10-12B changes hands annually within the U.S. school system. Schools such as Thomas Jefferson, which offers a full array of extra-curricular activities, probably processes over $1.5M in cash and checks annually.  That is a tremendous amount of money to be handled in such a cavalier and archaic manner.

Online payment processing systems for schools have been developed to provide a safe and convenient tool for parents to pay for school items.   These systems offer a secure environment for paying, reporting, and administering school payments.  My partner and I, also a parent of three public school children, recognized this need and recently developed an online payment system specifically for schools,

Pay4SchoolStuff.com.  To date, many local PTSAs and booster clubs have subscribed with great enthusiasm.  Why haven’t these systems been more widely adopted?  Why are schools and school systems themselves so reluctant to change?  How many more cases of theft will we read about before the benefits of online payment become obvious to everyone?

Pay4SchoolStuff offers the only comprehensive payment and management platform on the market that allows an organization to customize one payment menu for multiple school groups; eliminate all paper forms and registrations via a form creator; eliminate the need for postage; offer no-cost items to collect needed information in a multi- functional database; e-mail any account holders or create a directory in seconds; and take advantage of date, price and inventory controls. Pay4SchoolStuff is currently used by over 150,000 parents nationwide.

Mom-Approved Tips: Inside the mind of a college-bound teen

 

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teen brainThe stress of the college admissions season weighs heavy on your college-bound teen. I read an old article today from a NY Times blog and I felt it was worth sharing to help you go inside the mind of a college-bound teen and see just exactly what they are feeling.

Fear

They may seem fearless at times, but as they approach the final months of high school fear sets in. One teen, Phoebe Lett, 16 talks about how she feels as a junior.

“I fear for my rapidly approaching senior year. Should I really spend nine hours a night on school work? As I rack up as many extracurriculars, community service hours and “beneficial relationships” (college-prep speak for impressive recommendations), I can’t help but think that it’s not good enough. Better grades, higher scores, more varsity letters, more leads in the play: have I been bulking up an application that perhaps doesn’t reflect who I am, but instead just represents what a college wants from me? That is my true fear.”

Pressure

The pressure they feel is of paramount proportions. This pressure will be exhibited in all kinds of emotions from tears, to anger, to denial to frustration. Robin Karlin, 17 felt the pressure of failing.

“Around the application deadline you’re studying for finals, and it’s your senior year. You already have a lot of classes and you have to write essays and you’re already stressed out thinking “what if they don’t want me?’’ And you worry what if you don’t get into any school at all? I’m not from a big city. We have pretty good schools, but I think in a bigger city with more people you have more perspective on where you stand in the nation. I’m not really sure how good I am.”

Rejection

If your student hasn’t experienced rejection, get ready. There’s a strong possibility some of the colleges they apply to won’t offer them admission. Sam Werner, 18, felt disappointment when the rejection letters started arriving.

“Everyone I had talked to, once they heard “perfect SAT,” they said, “You can get in anywhere.” That was the hardest part, having everyone tell me I would and then not getting in. It was a rough few days. The rejection letters and my parents both kept telling me it’s not a case of me not being good enough, but a case of too many qualified applicants. But it’s really hard not to feel like you got rejected….”

What is the cost?

At the end of their senior year it will all be over; but at what cost? Doctors treat teens with headaches, stomach pain, lack of sleep, depression, eating disorders and mental health issues. Some have been thinking about college since 6th grade and by the time senior year rolls around they are spent. Some kids are able to handle it, others are not so lucky.

Relieving some of the pressure

College admission is how students define their success. Years down the road, they will see that some of those rejections probably sent them into better directions. But for now, don’t add to the problem. Don’t pressure them to apply to schools that their chance of acceptance is 1%. Remind them that this is simply one step in their life and there are no failures, only successes if you try.

Saturday Giveaway: Getting In-The Zinch Guide to College Admissions

 

This week’s giveaway is one of my favorite books on college admissions: Getting In-The Zinch Guide to College Admissions.

Getting InI’ve read plenty of books on college admissions. Some are so scholarly heavy that you need a degree to figure them out. Others are so shallow you can find most of the material in your teen’s high school handouts. Zinch’s book is neither of the above. It’s geared toward the student, but is also extremely valuable from a parent’s perspective. Zinch reminds the student that while the college process often involves the entire family, the final choice must be their own. I agree with this whole heartedly. Every parent should grasp this truth.

Since this book is jam-packed with information, it would be difficult to speak about all of it. Suffice it to say that Zinch covers EVERYTHING from beginning to end. It’s an invaluable resource to have for your student (especially at the beginning of the process), because it walks them through admissions step by step.

Following are some of the highlights (and my favorite parts):

  • The Truth About College Admissions-This chapter alone is worth the cost of the book. They debunk the myths about college, college rankings, and tell you the things colleges don’t want you to know. Superb!
  • Behind the Scenes-This chapter goes into great detail about what goes on in a college admissions office. As a parent, this chapter will be an eye opener. If you’ve ever wondered what goes on, Zinch spells it out!
  • College Input-One of the impressive components in the book is the input Zinch includes from actual specific college admissions officers. It helps you see how they think and how they view the process.
  • Social Media-Zinch recognizes the importance of social media and how it can affect the college admissions process. The book talks about your student’s online presence and reminds them that Google never forgets.
  • The Hook-This is the first book that I’ve seen that talks about “marketing” the student to the colleges. Zinch explains how important this is in order for your student to stand out.
  • The Application process-Since this is the most important part of college admissions, the book goes into specific detail about every aspect of the application with step-by-step guides and tips.
  • Three Case Studies-This is my favorite part of the book. Zinch takes three college applicants of different backgrounds and academics and presents their entire application to various colleges for review. The colleges then give their recommendations for acceptance, wait listing or rejection, giving you insight into the “whys” of the decision, along with how they came to their decision. It’s a wealth of information for both students and parents.

Wouldn’t this be a great book to add to your college collection? It’s easy to enter this giveaway. Just follow the directions below and you will be all set for a chance to win this great book.

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Scholarships Friday: Merit Aid

 

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merit aidFinancial aid is always on the minds of parents and students, especially when they begin to research college costs and their financial aid statistics. The terms can be a bit confusing and today I want to discuss merit aid and answer a few questions about what it is, how do you find it, and how do you apply for it.

What is merit aid?

“Merit Aid” is the general term for grants, scholarships and discounts that a college awards in the financial aid package without considering financial need. Merit aid is based on several factors: academics, athletics, special talents such as music, where the student lives or other demographic characteristics. Merit aid is different from need-based aid which is awarded based on the student’s economic situation.

How do you find merit aid?

There is more than $13 billion of merit aid available to undergraduate students. Most of that, about $11 billion, comes directly from colleges. The other $2 billion is provided by state governments. MeritAid.com lists more than 23,000 individual merit aid scholarship programs offered by more than 1,800 colleges across the country. Meritaid.com is the largest single source of information about merit-based scholarships.

You can also search on the college’s website. Colleges with merit aid may offer anywhere from a few dozen opportunities to hundreds of individual programs. Some merit awards are well known and heavily advertised while others are harder to find.

How do you apply for merit aid?

In many cases, applying to a school is enough to be considered for the many merit aid opportunities available, assuming you get in, of course. However, some colleges or scholarship programs may have special application requirements, so always check with the college if you’re not sure.

When will I know if I receive merit aid?

Once the college offers you admission, they will follow the offer with a financial aid package. The merit aid they award will be listed in the package. This offer typically comes after the acceptance letter arrives.

Almost everyone qualifies for some form of financial aid, but don’t assume you won’t qualify for merit aid. Check out MeritAid.com for a list of 5 myths about merit aid. Visit their website for the best database on merit aid scholarships.

 

How to find the best college advice

 

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adviceAdvice. Everyone gives it. Most of us don’t ask for it. Sometimes we need it.

The nature of the college beast is that we all need advice. Advice from other parents. Advice from college experts. Advice from the colleges. Advice from the high school counselor. For some it’s freely given, for others it’s withheld until asked. But there’s one underlying truth—everyone needs help and direction now and then, especially when navigating the college maze. But before you set out on this adventure to find the best college advice, beware-it’s a jungle out there!

Books

I gravitate towards books; probably because I’m old fashioned. I assimilate information easier if I can read it and stew on it for a bit. Books are excellent resources for information about college. There are the “big” books that many parents use which contain all the colleges in the United States and extensive lists of scholarships. But the books that seem to help parents the most are ones written to guide them through the college process and answer all of their questions.

My advice? Check out these 10 books that I believe will help you navigate the college maze with confidence and ease.

Blogs

There are websites and there are blogs. You can’t beat blogs for some good parent to parent advice and support. Subscribe to their blog or RSS feed so you will receive an email every time they post. This is the easiest way to stay on top of recent posts.

My advice? Subscribe to these: Dr. Strange College, PocsMom, The College Solution, Smart College Visit, More than a Test Score, Perfect Score Project and Best College Fit. There are hundreds more, but these are my fav picks. I find them to be filled with information and encouragement.

Social media

Believe it or not, you can get advice on social media. With social media sites like Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Google+ it’s easy to have information overload.

My advice? Follow me on Twitter and you will see I’ve made some lists of the accounts with good college advice: collegeinfo, tutoring, and scholarship info. Facebook is a good way to connect with colleges, other students and parents. Do a little research and find experts like me, University Parent, The College Solution, How to Win Scholarships and more. Pinterest is also quickly becoming another social media source for college advice. Follow me on Pinterest and you can follow my boards: college prep and scholarships. Look for colleges and follow their parent boards as well.

Websites

The world wide web is cluttered with college-related websites. Navigating them can be just a bit overwhelming. You can do Google searches and hope you find good advice and information, or you can trust the experts to steer you in the right direction.

My advice? Narrowing down the field should help a bit and keep you from pulling out your hair over hundreds of search results. Focus on a handful of websites that you consider to be most helpful.

It truly is a jungle out there, littered with all kinds of advice and opinions. Pick the ones who come recommended with an extensive network of experts who endorse them. The best way to find the best is to ask the best—it works every time.