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mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: 10 Tips to Ease Into College

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Moving from high school to college can be daunting. It’s your first step toward independence and adult responsibility. You transition from someone dictating your every move (parents) to the freedom of making every decision. Don’t expect, however, to ease right into college life without an adjustment period. College life will be much easier if you expect some bumps in the road and some course adjustments along the way.

10 tips to ease into college
Illustration from Zinch’s blog: More Than a Test Score

A recent report on college dropout rates presented some shocking statistics – 46% of those who enter college fail to graduate within six years. What you do your first year of college can impact not only your college years but your future. This makes the beginning weeks and months on campus critical for all new students.

Here are 10 tips to ease into college and help with the transition:

1). Don’t skip orientation.

Orientation helps you become familiar with the campus, its opportunities and on-campus organizations. During orientation you will meet your advisors, plan your schedule and do some group activities with other incoming freshmen. Skipping orientation is like skipping the first day of work. Orientation helps you ease into life on campus.

2). Make a friend.

Your college experience will be enhanced by the friendships you make. The first few months are the easiest time to make new friends. You can start with your roommate, your dorm mates, and your classmates. College is not the place to foster your inner shyness; it’s your opportunity to branch out, meet new people and make new relationships.

3). Get organized.

Since your parents won’t be there reminding you to study for your test, do your homework and go to class, you need to get organized. Keep a calendar, set alarms, make to-do lists, schedule study time, and keep track of all your term paper deadlines. Organization will give you peace of mind and alleviate those last minute panic attacks before a test or term paper due date.

4). Make academics a priority.

Even if you were an excellent high school student, this is college. Academics will be more challenging. Without constant parent nudging, it’s tempting to let the studying slide and skip class. If you begin to struggle or feel overwhelmed, get help. Speak with your professors. Take advantage of on-campus tutoring services. Don’t ignore the problem; act before your grades start a downward spiral.

5). Call home.

Every new college student gets homesick. Make time to call your family. They know you better than anyone else and will remind you that you always have their support. Set aside a time each week to talk with your family. It will curtail the homesickness and ease your parents’ inevitable tendency to worry.

Read more for the next 5 tips

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Two Kids; Two Types of Students

 

types of studentsIf you have more than one child, odds are they are different. One may excel academically and the other may struggle. Parenting both types of students is a challenge for parents, especially if there is competition among the two. I know. I had one of each in my home for 18+ years.

When you have both types of kids, they should be parented differently. You can’t expect the student who struggles to bring home A’s on every report card; and you can’t compare them to the A student. Each has their own academic style and learning capabilities. It doesn’t mean, however, that the student who struggles can’t excel; and it doesn’t mean that the A student will never bring home a B or C.

The “A” Student

Living with an “A” student can be challenging. It doesn’t seem like it would be, but it is. Most students who excel academically are hard on themselves. They see grades as a part of their self-worth. If they don’t make the grades, they have failed. Perfectionism among this demographic is common and often causes all kinds of emotional issues. So much is expected of them to achieve excellence. One college graduate described what her life as an “A” student was like:

“I wanted to dance. Throw a football. Watch a movie, or get in a car and see the world instead of vicariously traveling through stacks of assigned books. Occasionally, I tossed my pen aside and went out, but these instances were rare, and I usually felt guilty about my abandoned pile of work reproducing with each passing second. At the time, I didn’t know why I put so much pressure on myself. My parents didn’t push me. My professors tried to tell me to lighten up and go have some fun. I could only respond, “Stop dishing out so much work.” I could only give it my all, or give nothing. Now I understand that I was a classic perfectionist who had yet to discover how to define my inherent worth without my achievements. Because I didn’t know how to define myself without my perfect grades, I was terrified of failing, and “failure” meant anything less than perfection, causing me years of undo stress.”

“A” students often can’t play, relax or see the lighter side of anything. Their focus is on attaining the highest GPA in their class and this, and only this, is what life is all about. This type of student, more than any other, needs to understand that apart from the grades, they are accepted and loved.

The “C” Student

If you have a “C” student in your house, you have probably tried everything to get their grades up. You’ve tried yelling, punishing, grounding and bribing them into making “A”s. You might have compared them to their brother or sister who is an “A” student. But believe it or not, the “C” students are the happiest. They may struggle in school and force you to have many parent/teacher conferences, but many average students become successful in college and in life.

Robert Kiyosaki, author of “Why “A” Students Work for “C” Students”, urges parents to lighten up. Kiyosaki believes that the school system was created to churn out ‘Es’ / Employees… those “A Students” who read well, memorize well and test well… and not the creative thinkers, visionaries and dreamers –entrepreneurs-in-the-making… those “C Students who grow up to be the innovators and creators of new ideas, businesses, applications and products.

The book urges parents not to be obsessed with their kids’ “letter grades” (“good grades” might only mean they or the student themselves were successful in jamming a square peg into a round hole…) and focus, instead, on concepts, ideas, and helping their child find their true genius, their special gift. The path they can pursue with a love and true passion.

It’s easy to label our kids: he’s smart, or she’s beautiful, or he’s an “A” student, or she’s just an average student. Be careful when you do that. Kids need to, first and foremost, enjoy their education experience. They can’t when there is too much pressure to excel or they are compared to others who have “met the grade” so to speak. Take the advice from valedictorian: it’s not the grades that matter, it’s the person you become that’s important.

Read Wendy’s Post: Parenting the Superstar and the Struggler

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Sibling Rivalry

 

sibling rivalrySiblings. The very word conjures up thoughts of rivalry. A house with siblings is a house with sibling rivalry. As with any family, competition among siblings begins at an early age. They compete over just about everything: toys, bedtimes, gifts, food, clothing, and the list goes on and on. It’s only natural that the rivalry would increase during the college prep time. But is the rivalry between the siblings of their doing or are you initiating the rivalry by comparing one child to another?

Consider this scenario from a college counselor:

I once worked with two brothers separated by four years. The older brother got into every school he applied to and turned down some of the top schools in the country. When it came to building the younger sibling’s ambitious but more modest college list, he was visibly upset when his father mentioned his brother’s accomplishments repeatedly. In one meeting, I counted the number of times the elder child was mentioned and eventually had to stop the parents when that count reached fifteen. In another situation, a parent said, in front of the child, we don’t want to pay for private school for this child because the younger daughter has more potential and they would rather save their money for her college education.

So here’s the question: are you comparing your children with each other when it comes to college prep? If you are—SNAP OUT OF IT! No two children are alike—emotionally, academically or socially. Expecting one to be like the other is fueling the flames of rivalry. If you are doing this, possibly unknowingly, how can you stop?

Be positive about their individuality

This is a major step in your child’s life, even if you’ve been through it before with the other siblings. Even though you will learn from experiences, it’s important to know that those experiences do not dictate the process with your other children. Focus on the individual process and treat each sibling as you did the first, making them feel special. Listen to them tell you what they want, where they want to go, and how they want to get there. Use experience but make it.

Praise success and celebrate acceptances

Don’t look back; look forward. Even if one sibling may not excel academically in comparison to another, praise all their individual successes. When the decisions arrive, be supportive and excited about all of them, even if some of the colleges don’t necessarily appeal to you. Being accepted to college is a major accomplishment, even if another sibling may have been accepted to colleges with more prestige. Recognize that every child has a specific path in life and each of them can be successful in the path they choose.

Don’t highlight differences, especially in front of others

As we saw in the story above, highlighting another child’s accomplishments or successes in front of others is hurtful to you child. He needs to feel that he is special and unique.

Case in point: my brother experienced this comparison all throughout school. He was two years behind me and struggled academically. I, conversely, was the model student. Teachers especially pointed out that fact to him. My parents, unknowingly, communicated that to him. Because of this, he failed at his first attempt at college. Later in life, after recognizing his strengths, he went on to receive his Ph.D. It was in the comparison that he felt failure.

It’s hard for teenagers to be constantly compared to others, especially when the competition lives in the same house. It’s your role as their parents to guide them to find their own individual talents and pursue their own path in life.

 Ready Wendy’s post: College-bound sibling rivalry is more than jealousy

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

mom approved tips, parenting

Mom-Approved Tips: How to Help Without Harming

 

helping without harmingAs graduation approaches parents of college-bound teens will be transitioning to different phases in their teen’s lives. Being the parents that we are, we will want to help. And our helping is not always good. Sometimes we “help” and it ends up harming their ability to think, act, and decide for themselves. It’s easy to justify our actions but when it’s all said and done we want to raise competent, independent and decisive children.

Saying all of that, how do you help without harming?

Teach them to self-advocate

One of the greatest tools a young adult can have is the ability to self-advocate. For years you have been fighting their battles for them. When they reach high school and move on to college, it’s time for them to learn how to do it for themselves. It may be hard to stand by silently and watch your teen get hurt or struggle with relationships (both with other teens and adults); but if you don’t step back, your college-bound teen will never be able to stand on their own two feet.

Listen

Listening is the hardest thing for a parent to do. We want to fix things because that’s what parents do. But sometimes things don’t need to be fixed. Sometimes our kids need to learn that life will bring conflict, disappointment and discouragement. They will learn this if you don’t jump in and fix every problem instantly. In college they will need to fix their own problems. Start letting them do this in high school.

Recognize their independence

Start early in high school and increase their freedom just a little at a time. As they exhibit responsibility and trustworthiness, allow them more freedom. By the time they leave for college they should be able to make decisions based on what is best for them simply because you allowed them to do it high school and fail at times.

Let go

You know the old adage, “If you love someone, set them free.” Parents never want to set their children free. We say we do. We try to do it. But deep down, when that little baby turns into a young adult it becomes harder and harder to let go. Parents who don’t let go have to deal with the repercussions later. This holding on has produced a generation of boomerang children—children who return home after college because they can’t succeed as independent adults.

For those parents who are waving goodbye to their teens in the fall, you’ve got three months to give them a crash course in independence. If you’re parenting an incoming high school freshman your job should be easy—you’ve got four years to get it done right!

parenting, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Mother’s Day, Smother Day

 

mother's daySunday is Mother’s Day and it’s time for those of us who have sacrificed, loved, cared for and smothered our kids to be honored. Yes. I said smothered. Some mothers have mastered this technique so well that their kids don’t have a clue how to deal with failure, disappointment, and pain.

Do you relate to this type of mother? My daughter does. She says it’s going to be her—right down to making sure her kids are the center of her universe and vice versa. We laugh about it, but her boys might not think it’s so funny.

So in an effort to help all those teens (and mothers) from celebrating another smother day, I’ve compiled my list of tell-tale smothering signs.

You might be a smotherer if . . .

  • You incessantly text your teen during school to ask about __________ (you fill in the blank).
  • You go on the college visit with them and ask questions about campus security on the walking tour.
  • You send ________ (fill in the blank) to admissions officers to butter them up; and call to ask if they received them.
  • You show up at school unannounced with __________________ (fill in the blank), embarrassing them in front of their peers.
  • You call the coach because your teen didn’t make the team.
  • You spend the night in his dorm room for the first week of school.
  • You move close to campus so that you can be available.
  • You drive hundreds of miles to college to deliver _________________ (fill in the blank) because she called and said she “had to have it”.
  • You fill out their college application for them (because they can’t possibly do it on their own).
  • You call the mother of the son who broke up with your daughter to ask why he did it.

Are these extreme? For some, yes. But all of these are true stories, based on talking with parents and admissions counselors. Is it hard to believe? Probably not in today’s world of over parenting. If you see yourself in any of these scenarios it might be time to join our support group of smotherers: Hi, my name is Suzanne, and I’m a smotherer!

Happy Mother’s (Smother) Day!

Read Wendy’s post: Embracing your almost adult children on Mother’s Day

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Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Wendy and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

mom approved tips

The Best of Mom-Approved Tips

 

best of mom-approved tipsThis week, I thought it would be great to gather my all-time favorite posts of the best of Mom-Approved Tips. In case you missed some of them, here they are, gathered together in one place.

Practice Tough Love

Parenting is easy if you give into your child’s every whim, never be consistent with discipline, or simply don’t pay attention. Parenting children who strive for excellence in everything requires some tough love. And tough love is not easy; especially when it comes to the raising a motivated, educated, and successful student.

How do you, as a parent, raise a child that’s motivated to strive for excellence where their education is concerned?

Don’t Fear the Gap Year

Don’t fear the gap year. Not every student is ready for college after high school. Some simply aren’t mature enough, and others simply don’t know where they want to go or what they want to study. And if this is the case, would you want to spend thousands of dollars on college if it meant they dropped out their first semester? Of course you wouldn’t want to do that.

Teach Your Kids the Value of Money

When your kids are away at college they are going to be responsible for their own spending (and saving). There will be offers galore from credit card companies because college students are their biggest target market. If they hook them while in college it usually means they have them for the rest of their lives.

A Different Take on Helicopter Parenting

It’s no surprise that parents have become so involved in their kids’ lives that school administrators have begun to label us; helicopter parent, snow plow parent, and bulldozer parent. But it can’t all be bad; after all, parents are actually involved. Is this a bad thing? As with anything there are extremes. And it’s possible that a few bad parenting experiences have shed a negative light on all of us.

Top 10 Tips for Parents

On Monday’s I dispense my parent advice and this week I shared some of my past “Top 10 Tips for Parents”. Some might be reality checks, some will provide you with new information, and some are just for fun.

Inside the Mind of a College-Bound Teen

The stress of the college admissions season weighs heavy on your college-bound teen. I read an old article today from a NY Times blog and I felt it was worth sharing to help you go inside the mind of a college-bound teen and see just exactly what they are feeling.

parenting, Uncategorized, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: With Freedom Comes Responsibility

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responsibilitySince I was a child, my parents have reminded me that freedom has a price. To secure our freedom, many men and women have lost their lives–a possibility for any serviceman when they enlist. But do your teens understand the concept? Have you taught them when granted freedom, they are responsible for following the rules and behaving appropriately. With the freedom to choose, comes the responsibility for your choices and your actions.

Bad scenarios

One of the first things we learn growing up is that all of our actions have consequences. If we pull a glass of water off the table, it will spill all over us. If we touch a hot burner on the stove, it will burn. If we pick up a knife on the blade, it will cut us.

Unfortunately, many teenagers don’t carry that knowledge into adulthood as they begin to make choices that are life changing and life altering. They become consumed with their newfound freedom. They don’t rationalize that sleeping with someone they just met in a bar can have consequences: sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, pregnancy, rape and even at the very worst murder. They don’t think that cheating on a test in school, even if they don’t get caught, robs them of an education and learning. They don’t comprehend that having 20 credit cards that are maxed out will put them so deep into debt that for some the only solution is suicide. And they don’t think that marrying the wrong guy could put them at the bottom of San Francisco bay like it did Laci Peterson.

Functioning in the present

When you’re young and your whole life is ahead of you, you tend to function in the present. Twenty or thirty years from now seems like an eternity to someone in their teens and twenties. But time has a way of catching up with us and every choice we make when we are young has both good and bad consequences. The trick is to know when those consequences aren’t worth the risk. And the other trick is to pause long enough before taking those risks to weigh both the good and the bad.

A free choice with negative consequences

During my son’s senior year of high school, he wanted to join the military. As his parents, and with an underage teenager, we met with the recruiters prior to him signing up. They assured us that he could attend college while serving in the Corps, that he could be assigned to his choice of duty stations, and that he could pick his specialty because of his high test scores on the entrance exam. However, we were skeptical about the promises they were making. But once he turned 18, he would be free to make the choice, so we gave our permission.

Upon arrival at boot camp after high school graduation, he quickly discovered that all the promises were just ploys to get him to sign on the dotted line. Needless to say, he learned a very difficult lesson: every decision has consequences. He served his time in the military, traveled, and made some great friends. But his dream to be a lifetime soldier was affected by his distaste for the unfair treatment he received in the Marine Corps. His decision altered his future goals and sent him on a very different path than he had originally planned.

Lessons learned

If you get anything from this bit of advice, let it be this: teach your teenagers to take time to think before they act. Weigh the good and the bad consequences. Then once they decide, make the best of their decision and swallow the good with the bad. Every path they will take in their life has the potential for greatness. Help them see before they head off to college that freedom brings responsibility –responsibility for their actions and the consequences of those actions.

Read Wendy’s post: Passing the Responsibility Torch

_________________

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Suzanne and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from parentingforcollege to pocsmom.com and vice versa.

parenting, Uncategorized, Wednesdays parent

Wednesday’s Parent: Obey the Rules

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Sign up for my FREE parent tips email and get my FREE Ebook on college financing! Or subscribe to my blog on the left and get email updates.

Wednesday’s child may be full of woe but Wednesday’s Parent can substitute action for anxiety. Each Wednesday Wendy and I will provide parent tips to get and keep your student on the college track. It’s never too late or too early to start!

The bonus is on the fourth Wednesday of each month when Suzanne and I will host Twitter chat #CampusChat at 9pm ET/6pm PT. We will feature an expert on a topic of interest for parents of the college-bound.

Wednesday’s Parent will give twice the info and double the blog posts on critical parenting issues by clicking on the link at the end of the article from pocsmom.com to parentingforcollege and vice versa.

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obey the rulesIt’s the never ending battle that ensues during those teenage years: who’s in charge? Teens feel that since they are growing toward independence, they should be in charge. Parents, knowing that the teens aren’t quite adults and fearing the fact that they will eventually leave, clamp down on the rules, and rightly so. To a teenager however, rules are made to be broken. Unfortunately, the rules of college prep will have negative consequences if they are not obeyed.

Here are just a few rules that your teen may be tempted to break during the college prep process that could hurt their college chances:

Study before play

Believe it or not, the most important bargaining tool your student has is his grades. It’s not the SAT’s or the extracurriculars. It’s his grades and the courses he takes during high school. Colleges look first and foremost at the grades and the quality of the courses he took. Allowing him to break this rule could have negative affect on his college application. Enforce this rule before all other: study before play.

Money matters

As the college prep process proceeds to senior year, your student will react like a kid in a candy store. Because of their peers, they will be looking at the most expensive colleges, with the prestigious names and the most infamous reputations. For most, those price tags don’t fit into the family college budget. And if your teen isn’t the best of the best, don’t expect merit aid or scholarships from those colleges. In this case, money matters and you should communicate this to your teen before he takes the college to the cash register.

Behave yourself

Colleges pay attention to behavior. They are looking for respectful students who have leadership qualities and take academics seriously. What they aren’t looking for is a student who shoots his mouth off on Twitter, posts pictures of his naked body on Instagram, and complains about parents and school on Facebook. One of the easiest ways students can impress college admission officers is to behave themselves.

Respect deadlines

Deadlines are like lines in the sand. Once drawn, you can’t cross them. Missing those deadlines will have harsh consequences. There’s no room for procrastination in the college prep process. Colleges expect your student to respect their deadlines. No respect means no admission.

Work hard

There’s no room for a slacker in the college prep process. Only those students who work hard are going to reap the benefits. Hard work always pays off when it comes to the rewards of college admissions. Hard work results in the best offers of admission and the best financial aid packages, not to mention the satisfaction of knowing that the work paid off.

This is the time for parents to remind their student that obeying the rules protects him from negative consequences and ensures positive outcomes. The simple rule we started when they were toddlers, pays off during college prep. Obey the rules!

Read Wendy’s blog: Rules to Follow and Rules to Break

parenting

The Teenage Drinking Culture

 

It’s party season again and unfortunately that means underage teenage drinking and possibly driving. Before your teen leaves for college, have a chat with him/her about the dangers of alcohol. I know you’re thinking: they won’t listen to me. But kids will tell you that they actually listen more than we think. And after you have the conversation, show them this video!

Video Graphic by 12 Keys Rehab

mom approved tips, parenting, Uncategorized

Mom-Approved Tips: Teach Your Kids the Value of Money

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money

Before you send your kids off to college, they need to learn about the value of money. Ideally, it starts at an early age; but if you haven’t started, there’s no time like the present!

When your kids are away at college they are going to be responsible for their own spending (and saving). There will be offers galore from credit card companies because college students are their biggest target market. If they hook them while in college it usually means they have them for the rest of their lives.

My parents never taught me these lessons and I wish they had. I never did chores, had to save for anything I wanted, or learned how to use credit wisely. I have to admit I didn’t do the best in this area of parenting either. But I have learned over the years that if you neglect these lessons, your kids will suffer.

Following are just a few tips to help you teach your kids the value of money:

Establish chores

You can get them accustomed to chores at an early age, providing an allowance based on their age and the amount of chores they do. They should know how to do their own laundry, clean bathrooms, and cook meals. Not only will you be teaching them that hard work produces reward, but these skills will serve them well when they are living on their own.

Teach them to earn what they want

If a child works to earn something, they value it more. If you want to buy them a car, purchase a used one that needs repair and teach them to work on the repairs themselves. If they want a large ticket item, encourage them to get a part-time job and earn the money to pay for it. Save the gifts for Christmas and birthdays. Once they learn this simple truth, it will be much easier to explain to them that you expect them to contribute financially to their college education.

Explain the difference between wants and needs

This is a valuable lesson they will carry with them into adulthood. Today’s kids are accustomed to instant gratification; but saving for something teaches them that just because they want something, it doesn’t mean they need it. If they are committed to save for it, they will re-examine whether or not they truly need it. When they are away at college, this will be the first question they ask themselves before pulling out an easily obtained credit card.

Encourage giving

Giving to others will show kids how to bless others when they are blessed. Finding people in need will give than an appreciation for their own blessings and cause them to re-evaluate those “things” that they find so important in lieu of saving to help others.

Teach them to save

Putting money away in a piggy bank or savings account teaches them to save for future purchases. When they learn this, you are teaching them to plan for the future and this should follow them into adulthood.

Always remember that kids mirror their parents’ behaviors. If they see you frivolously spending and raking up credit card debt, they will follow your example when they go off to college.