As parents, we all want the best for our children’s education. That’s why we often spend a fair amount of time selecting the right school based on everything from school table ratings to student testimonials. Yet, after these initial attempts to get schooling right, it’s surprising how many parents sit back and assume that their children will go on to flourish.
Unfortunately, as many parents go on to realise, not all children are created equal – a school situation that’s ideal for one could well hold another very much at the back of the class. In this respect, it doesn’t matter how highly rated or competitive your school of choice; the chances are that outside help from an English tutor or similar would still benefit your child. Far from being a sign that you made the wrong schooling choice, this is simply a testament to the different ways in which children learn and can fast help your child get back on track if you act quickly.
Here, we’re going to help you do just that by considering a few of the most obvious signs that your child could benefit from outside assistance like this.
We can forget how much of an impact we have on our children. When it comes to getting ready for college, we may think that our job is very simple: to ensure that our children study. But if we provide the wrong environment or we don’t enforce it the right way, this will have a more devastating impact on their academics than we realized. To make sure our children are studying effectively, we’ve got to make sure the environment is effective so their frame of mind is ready for study. How can you make the environment and the mindset work together?
Minimizing External Stresses
We all have an inherent need to procrastinate on occasion. If you have spent a long time trying to get your children to study and were met with resistance every step of the way, it’s hardly a surprise that when they need to knuckle down and study, they will look for any reason to avoid it. Even something that is not their responsibility can be the perfect excuse. It’s about making sure that they have a conducive study area, but this means that you need to realize the impact of a perfect study area.
By creating an environment that is not too hot, not too cold, not too bright, and not too noisy is crucial. This means making sure everything is working as it should. For example, something as noisy as the air conditioning can be a distraction and if it’s not working properly, the environment will be completely uncomfortable, and there are plenty of 24 hour AC service providers that can help people. It’s about getting all those little things correct.
For decades, it’s been widely accepted that applying to college is a hard, stressful and time-consuming process. Students can easily spend months on university preparation and the application process, as well as thousands of dollars in application fees. Parents aren’t always sure which universities are the best fit for their students’ needs and qualifications. The anxiety is real, and when students receive rejection letters, it can be crushing.
There are over 4000 four-year colleges in the United States and another 1900 community colleges. Choosing a college can be overwhelming if you don’t narrow down the choices with this simple list of basic criteria. Once you’ve narrowed down the college list, you can get more selective and specific with your final choices.
Here is a list of 10 choice criteria to consider:
Your study preferences—Are they more comfortable in a structured class or do you excel doing independent study? Do you require academic challenge or prefer in-class time with little or no additional study?
Money—Your budget plays a huge factor in the decision process. If your budget is tight, will you consider student loans? And if so, will an expensive private university be worth the debt?
Size—Do you want small class size or does it matter? Does being part of a large student body appeal to you or would they prefer a small college atmosphere?
Location—Do you want to go away to college or stay close by so you can live at home? Are you looking for a cultural experience that a big city offers or a down home experience provided by a small town college?
Extracurriculars—Are you set on joining a sorority or a fraternity? Are these offered at the colleges you are considering? Are there other activities that you feel are crucial to having a positive college experience (i.e. working on a campus newspaper, participating in intramural sports, studying abroad)?
Academics—Is there a specific major you are interested in or will a liberal arts degree do? Not every university offers the same academic disciplines.
Career focus—Do you want to study the culinary arts or fashion design? Consider a school that offers these types of specialized degrees.
Sports—Does the school have a huge sports program or do sports play little impact in your decision?
Competitive vs Non-competitive—Do you have the resume that will ensure acceptance in a competitive college like Stanford or Penn State? Or do you have a strong academic showing that would send you to the top of the list at a non-competitive college and qualify you for a full scholarship?
Specialized programs—Do you want to work in the stock market? Does the school offer a trading room? What about internships, undergraduate research, service learning, and even specialized senior capstone projects (integrating and synthesizing what you have learned).
Juniors should be focusing on college visits and start working on their list. Seniors should review this list and prepare to start their college applications.
It’s hard. I know. I’ve been there. You want your student to have the BEST education available. You want them to want it as much as you do. You see them making some choices that you know they will regret. As hard as you try, you find yourself pressuring them to make the right choice and the battle lines are drawn. They dig their heels in. You dig your heels in. And the tug of war begins.
What’s a parent to do when you feel your college-bound teens are making the wrong choices related to college? Take a deep breath and read these examples (along with my suggestions). Parenting for college can and probably will be a struggle.
Your college-bound teen tells you he doesn’t want to go to the college that is hard to get into and is opting for what you consider to be sub par.
Don’t panic or overreact. It’s possible he is scared. Try and ascertain the reasoning behind the decision. Don’t do this by badgering him or constantly asking him why. The best way to figure out what is wrong is to LISTEN. Listen to him talk about his day, about college, about how he feels. If fear is not the reason, perhaps he feels the other college would be a better fit. If that’s the case, do yourself a favor and back off. The worst thing you can do with a teenager is force him into a decision he feels is wrong. Sometimes the best lessons we learn are the ones that come from making our own decisions (right or wrong).
Your college-bound teen tells you that he simply MUST go to Private College A, even though she knows it comes with a high price tag.
Don’t let her bully you into sending her to a college you can’t afford AND one that will require a tremendous amount of student loan debt. Sit her down and explain to her the dangers of graduating in debt. Use the college repayment calculators if you have to. If she truly wants to go to Private College A, she needs to do the work (good grades, good SAT/ACT scores, great essay) to be awarded scholarship/grant money from that college.
It’s also worth considering that a private college may be similar in cost to a public university. Since many private colleges have generous alumni that donate, they often award large merit scholarships. Public universities are not as generous with aid.
Your college-bound teen is not interested in college, deadlines, studying for the SAT or any other path that leads him toward higher education.
If there is one thing I learned with both of my kids (and clients), if they aren’t invested in the college process they won’t be invested in college. Save yourself some time, money and heartache and wait until they are. If not, they can learn from the college of hard knocks–minimum wage jobs are the BEST motivator!
It’s also important to note that not every student is meant for college. There are, indeed, other options. Many have taken those different paths and been perfectly successful and happy. It could be time to consider alternatives to college.
Your college-bound teen misses deadlines, panics and comes running to you at the last minute to fix it.
The simplest way I know to avoid missing deadlines, is to get yourself a huge wall calendar and a fat red marker. Put it in a place that they have to pass by every single day. In addition, with all the smartphones and calendar apps available today, missing a deadline should be a thing of the past. At some point (hopefully when they go to college), they will have to fix their own problems. Let them do it now, while they live at home, and it will be easier for them once they are gone. Rescuing your kids all time only makes them into dependent adults and colleges aren’t impressed with those type of students or the parents that come with them.
Your college-bound teen suddenly announces she is not ready for college and wants to take a year off.
First of all, wait. Don’t react. Just listen. Odds are the mood will change with the wind and once all her friends are making college plans, that desire that she once had will kick back in. If not, let her know that it won’t be a “free-ride” year.
With the pandemic, gap years are becoming prevalent. Your student can use the time to investigate career options, work at an internship, volunteer in the community, or simply work and save money toward college.
If you have any questions or personal experiences you would like to share, please leave a comment here and share it with other parents. We learn from each other and from our mistakes and successes!
The world we now live in is resoundingly different than the world we grew up in. Applying to college has become the norm and parents and students take it seriously. The competition to get into college can be overwhelming at times for both parents and students.
Parenting has changed
In the 50’s, our parents let us have the run of the neighborhood. We rode our bikes everywhere, walked home from school alone, and rode the bus to the movies alone. In the summer, we left the house early in the morning and returned home in time for dinner. Our teachers terrified us and we knew if we misbehaved, our parents would back them up. There were no car seats or safety belts. You would never find anti-bacterial soap or even consider using it. When we turned 18, we either went to college or got a full-time job and moved out of the house.
began to change. Because of Adam Walsh, we watched our kids like a hawk. We weren’t quite ready to take away their freedom, but we worried. We worried about where they were, who they were with, and what dangers they might encounter when they were at school, outside, and at the mall. Parents began to question a teacher’s authority and loosened the grip on the discipline of their children. Spanking became taboo and “time out” emerged as a parenting technique.
At the beginning of the 21st century helicopter parenting emerged. It’s not like we planned for it to happen. It just did. We sheltered our children from any disappointment. Everyone on the team got a trophy. There were no winners or losers. We questioned all school authority. We would never consider letting them walk home alone or play outside without supervision. If they forgot their lunch, we took it to them. If they left their homework at home, we took it to school. We began to make every decision for them and protect them from every consequence. We began to feel the “parent peer pressure” for our children to be the best and the greatest. If they graduated from college and couldn’t find a job, they came home to live and thus the term “boomerang” generation was born.
How do you walk the tightrope of helicopter parenting?
How do we raise our children in this frightening world without overprotecting them from the disappointments and trials of life? What are the long-term risks of helicopter parenting?
Combine a little of the 50’s parenting, some of the 80’s style of parenting, and a very small amount of the 21st century parenting for the perfect parenting balance. There’s a fine line between cautious parenting and being a helicopter mom.
Ask yourself this question–Do you want your children to be independent successful adults or do you want them living in your basement for years and years depending on you to pay their bills and take care of them? Is it conceivable they will be going off to college and surviving alone, or calling you every day crying for help, or needing assistance with every life task? Will they be running home because they simply can’t survive without you?
My guess–your answers to every one of these questions would be a resounding NO!
Being an involved parent is crucial to your child’s success, especially as they explore the world of possibilities in high school. Not surprisingly, many kids don’t understand this; they want to do everything on their own.
A new platform, spikeview, helps parents prompt meaningful conversations about interests and potential career tracks, in part by showing the big picture with the various explorations and steps in their journey so far. By making kids be a key stakeholder in navigating their journey through high school and into their dream college, spikeview helps with planning early and often to avoid unnecessary panic. Beyond just a well organized, secure, portfolio, teens are encouraged to build a network with others, take on leadership opportunities in interest-based online groups, and find opportunities (like internships, jobs, and high quality classes, tutors, career counselors, and summer programs) to strengthen their college application.
Here are 3 unique ways you can support your teens’ journey!
Drive Interest Aligned Discussions
Nothing is more off putting to a budding independent high-schooler then pushing all those amazing activities and experiences that YOU believe are so good for them. While you may be right, you might need to consider how those opportunities fit into the overall interests of the student. Looking at a snapshot view of their experience and interests and discussing why those are so valuable or exciting for them will establish trust and open them up to the possibility of considering other opportunities. This enables a “data-driven” conversation which tends to be more objective and palatable to a teens. We love the “My Story” visualizing tool that does the job and is a fun way to acknowledge your teens efforts.
Finding a supportive online community, and tapping new opportunities
Let’s face it, it is hard to be the parent of a teenager. Whether you have one or multiple kids, each is different and each has unique interests and hobbies. While we are always bombarded with camps, classes, online programs, it is not easy to find good quality opportunities that will interest your teen and will be worth the expense. It takes a lot of time to find the right fit opportunities and maybe requires you to ask other community parents. But, what if based on your kids’ past experiences and interests, you could see specific opportunities that helped magnify their impact, explore other avenues they may not have considered previously, or strengthen their college application? What if you could create and participate in discussions with other parents in the same situation as you, or those with older kids who have learned some of the harder lessons. What if you could get access to good quality content and opportunities that actually align to their interest. What if you could see students and parent reviews to help you decide? Think of how much time you would save, and discover something that will truly resonate. Easily create your teens profile and let the auto-discovery save you some time.
Preparation prevents panic and panic prevents progress
For this generation of teens, technology and media play a large role. Kids enjoy using media, digital content socializing through online platforms. They are not as interested in boxes full of photos , certificates or badges sitting in the garage that make up their experiences. So why not become a part of their world as a parent, and even better, use a medium that is fun, ubiquitous, and permanent. Help kids digitally organize their assets, and give them control of who gets to see what aspect of their data. Once uploaded into the secure spikeview cloud, you can decide what to share using custom views tailored to each opportunity or interaction. It can be polished and professional for applying for an internship, or casual and fun when reaching out to an online club. It can cover all your achievements, or showcase just one of them. The profile can be built over time with all types of experiences, achievements, thighs they are proud of. This can serve as a digital journey book across all phases of life and an invaluable shared asset between you and your teens. Best of all, parents can rest easy knowing that the default setting on spikeview is privacy.
With all the blood, sweat, and tears we put into them, it is almost criminal that all the planning for camps, internships, and classes, all the effort in polling other parents for the best coach or tutor, all the time invested in weekend games, and all the endless drives to and from activities – is forgotten within a few weeks, with nothing at all to show for it. What’s more, in most cases, the kids themselves don’t remember these critical building blocks of their life within a few years, losing the key formative steps, friendships, and memories that could make for an engaging, compelling life story. Rather than panicking looking at a last-minute sparse “brag sheet” to prepare for college admissions essays, these small nuggets instill confidence and make all the difference between getting into your dream college and opening a thin envelope.
You’re likely to feel a little anxious about the idea of your teen going off to college. Your years of being able to protect and coddle your child are about to end, and you know how cruel the world can be.
One fear that you might have about your teen going off to college is that of drug and alcohol abuse. Many teens face problems such as peer pressure and the need to fit in with the “everybody’s doing it” crowd.
Here are some tips for talking to your teen about the dangers of succumbing to peer pressure and risky behavior in college.
Avoid Sounding Too Autocratic
The tone of your conversation is the most critical factor in reaching your college-bound teen about an essential topic like alcohol and drug abuse.
Young persons tend to get defensive if they feel as though a parental figure is “laying down the law” or restricting their lives. You should approach your child as if you are a friend and not so much a parent.
The best way to approach this subject is to wait until you can have a calm discussion about the matter. You might want to discuss it after dinner or while you’re driving somewhere with your teen.
Reassure Your Teen of Your Love and Trust
Your teen needs to know that you respect their independence and that you trust their judgment. At the same time, you must help them understand that unfamiliar situations are going to arise. They’ll have to deal with people who don’t have the best intentions.
Let your teen know that he or she will come across people from a variety of family backgrounds and cultures. Those backgrounds and cultures might clash with the ones that you established as you were raising your teen.
Tell your child that it’s okay to stand his or her ground and not go along with suggested behavioral changes just because it may seem trendy to others.
Draw From Your Experiences
Storytelling is an effective way to reach your teen about alcohol and drug recovery. It will help you to connect with your teen emotionally, and it will display your empathetic nature.
If you can think of a time that you overcame peer pressure, you should tell your teen a story about it. Tell your child who presented the peer pressure and what you did to overcome it.
Alternatively, you can share an experience that you had experimenting with drugs or alcohol. Be honest if you ever had to seek alcohol and drug recovery.
Use Scientific or News-Based Quotes
Sometimes, young people don’t believe anything until they can see hard evidence that it’s not good for them. In that case, you might want to gather news reports and statistics that pertain to drug and alcohol recovery.
Find articles and statistics about the health hazards of drugs and alcohol. Collect news stories about college students who have suffered the negative effects of drugs or alcohol.
Many students have failed out of college, gotten into accidents, and lost their lives because of substance abuse. Your teen needs to know the reality of such incidents. Don’t sugarcoat the truth at all.
Boost Your Teen’s Self-Esteem
It’s important to point out your teen’s good qualities when you’re discussing peer pressure.
Many teens fall victim to peer pressure because they need to feel as though they belong to a particular group. They desire acceptance, and that desire for acceptance sometimes gets them into trouble.
Spend some time giving your teen positive affirmations that will help encourage self-esteem. Your teen will be less likely to fall into the trap of peer pressure if he or she is aware of all the positive qualities that make that person unique.
A person who has a strong sense of value won’t feel the need to fit in with anyone else.
Establish Positive Communication Lines
Finally, you must establish healthy communication with your college-bound teen. Your teen should feel confident that you will be available for questions or concerns or to tell you about each day away at college.
Let your teen know that you are available to talk at any time of the day or night. You might even want to set up a regular day and time that you can voice or video chat with your teens to let them hear your voice or see your face. Your teen might find a lot of strength in knowing that you’re present even though there’s a distance between you.
The tips mentioned above should help you communicate your concerns to your teen without causing him or her to get offensive. Hopefully, your son or daughter will go on to have a fruitful experience in college and live to his or her full potential.
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Author Bio: Patrick Bailey is a professional writer mainly in the fields of mental health, addiction, and living in recovery. He attempts to stay on top of the latest news in the addiction and the mental health world and enjoy writing about these topics to break the stigma associated with them.
With competition for college admission becoming stronger, parents are recognizing the need to begin college prep early. That doesn’t mean that you start drilling college into your toddler’s head (although some parents have been known to do this). It does mean that you begin a foundation for their education that will carry them into high school and eventually into college.
Looking at the three phases of education, what should parents do to prepare their students for college?
Elementary School
When discussing college prep, most of the discussions start in middle school and the steps begin when a student is in high school. But for a student to be truly prepared for college, parents should begin talking about it, thinking about it, and discussing it as early as elementary school.
Start talking about the value of education
Begin talking about the importance of education when your child enters kindergarten. The first seven years of education are filled with learning fundamental skills and gaining knowledge. This is the foundation of all future education. If your child loves school, excels in school, and is motivated to study and achieve excellence, the logical progression will be to continue their education by going to college.
Start talking about college
The opportunities that a college education provides can be relayed to your children during the early years of education.
For example, if your child is interested in dinosaurs, parents should talk about how people that research and recover dinosaur bones had to go to college first to learn how it’s done. Or if he is interested in space, discuss how scientists and astronauts go to college to learn the skills they need to work in that field. A child’s enthusiasms are the perfect opportunities to start a discussion about how college is key to pursuing and following those interests.
Visit colleges with the family
Visiting college isn’t just for teenagers. Many universities provide campus tours and visiting days when a staff member will guide a grade school class, or other group of children, around the campus and explain the unique and exciting things they can do when they grow up and go to college. Parents can also schedule outings with their children to the college or university from which they graduated. The important thing is to make college sound interesting, exciting and accessible.
Middle School
In a Forbes article about preparing for college, Director of Admissions MaeBrown said, “Start preparing for college at grade six. ”That’s when parents and students should increase the focus on the final goal after high school graduation: college.
Start planning academics
Middle school students should begin planning their academic path that will carry into high school. Meet with the school counselor and discuss the courses that can be taken in middle school to prepare for high school, especially in the math and science categories. Many middle schools offer classes that were traditionally reserved for high school students. These math classes are required to take more advanced math classes in high school and to take science classes like chemistry and physics.
Because college work and many jobs now require computer skills, your child should also try to take advantage of any computer science classes offered in middle and high school. He’ll gain new skills and may discover a career path.
Read, read, read
Establish an environment at home that encourages reading. Students can start adding to their vocabulary by reading diversely. Tweens should be reading all types of books, articles, blogs and news articles. This increases their vocabulary, which is a strong component in essay writing and standardized tests. While you’re at it, why not make vocabulary building a family game by learning a word a day? There are lots of free subscription services that will email a word of the day.
Partner with your child’s educators
Middle school is the time parents tend to be less involved, but it’s the very time your child needs encouragement and guidance. Meet your child’s teachers, if you haven’t already done so, and make it clear that you want to be kept up to date about any changes in your child’s work or behavior.
Talk to the counselor about your child’s interests to see if there are electives and extracurricular activities that will help him develop his talents. If your child needs extra help or more challenging assignments in a subject, talk to the counselor about how to arrange it.
Start working on extracurriculars
A key ingredient in the college application is extracurriculars. Begin looking at areas that interest your child in middle school. Try out some volunteering, connect with a mentor for an internship, and explore hobbies and interests. If your child enters high school committed to one activity, it will be much easier to carry that through the next four years.
First Year of High School
It’s the year of new beginnings. Wide-eyed freshmen enter high school campuses overwhelmed on the one hand and excited on the other. High school puts them on the path to adulthood and independence. It means added responsibility and academic challenges, especially if they plan to apply to college at the beginning of their senior year.
Establish a relationship with the high school counselor
This is a person you want on your child’s team for the next few years in high school. The counselor will ask what your child envisions doing beyond high school; goals and vision for your child’s future career. They should help draw out a plan to reach those goals. If you wait until senior year, it could already be too late to get particular requirements your child may need to attend the school of his dreams. Work with your high school counselor ahead of time to pinpoint what school courses your child needs to take and pass to fit those college subjects the best. Sift through options of high school electives that match with the specific degree your child is interested in pursuing.
Research careers
By now, your teen should know what interests him in school. Is he drawn to the sciences? Or is drama his cup of tea? Does he excel in math? Or is he interested in literature? These interests will serve to guide your teen down the right career path.
It would be useless to pursue a career in the medical field if science and math are your teen’s least favorite subjects. It would also be frivolous to head down an acting career path if your teen does not like being on stage in front of people. Analyze their interests and strengths to guide them in choosing the career that would best suit them and feed their passion. Take personality and career tests and attend career days.
Plan a rigorous academic path
Throughout high school, your child will have the opportunity to get some college credit out of the way. At some universities, four years of a foreign language in high school will be enough to satisfy language requirements for your degree. Also, AP and honors classes can sometimes fulfill certain degree requirements, which will be very beneficial not only on the college application to communicate commitment to academics, but will also save you money paying for expensive college classes.
Research colleges
Finding a college that compliments your child’s educational goals, personality, and learning style takes time and effort. Start by making a list of what criteria the perfect school would have. From that list, focus on the schools that meet those needs with regard to location, size, character and degree programs.
Each academic year produces it’s own set of challenges if your child wants to go to college. By planning ahead, you can minimize the stress of senior year and ensure that your child is ready to pursue higher education after high school.
Many college experts offer advice on how to get into college. They recommend stellar standardized test scores, a killer college essay, a high GPA, and strong extracurriculars. While all those application components are important, did you know that there an admissions secret students can use to increase their admission chances by 40 percent!
Students who visit a college before they apply, are up to 40 percent more likely to be admitted than students who do not visit or show demonstrated interest, the data says.
Why does demonstrated interest matter?
For colleges, it’s difficult to know which applicants are really interested in attending. Due to the ease of the Common Application, students can apply to multiple colleges at once. Students often believe that applying to more colleges will increase their chances of getting accepted.
When a college receives your application, admission officers look for ways to determine whether you will accept their offer of admission. Since all colleges have quotas to fill and determine their admission offers based on percentages of acceptance, showing interest lets them know you will likely accept their offer. As they see it, why offer admission to someone who isn’t interested when there is someone who is likely to accept?
How do you find the colleges that place a strong interest on this?
Which colleges want your student to show them some love? You don’t have to guess. You can use a tool like Collegedata.com to determine if a college uses demonstrated interest in its admission decision. The colleges are asked to rate 19 admission factors by using these four categories: very important, important, considered, and not considered. Each year, colleges are surveyed and this data is used to compile the information on its website.
To access the data, you simply search for the college, click on the Admissions tab, and scroll down to the Selection of Students heading. Then you can see the importance a college places on a student’s level of interest. Harvard, for example, lists this as “not considered.” In comparison, the United States Naval Academy, lists it as “very important.”
Every college is different so it’s important to check before applying to determine whether a college visit or another demonstration of interest is warranted.
To learn how your student can demonstrate interest for a college, read my article at TeenLife.com.
