Category Archives: parenting

parenting

3 Good Habits to Teach Your Student

good habitsThere are all kinds of habits and behaviors that go into making a successful life and a strong character, and these include things ranging from how we handle our day to day obligations at work, to how we deal with financial issues, respond to stress, and more.

Some habits are so important that developing them at an early age really means getting a leg up over the competition in a big way. In fact, many people spend years dealing with the consequences of their bad habits before finally managing to take the required steps to change things for the better.

If you’re conscientious and mindful of the kind of habits you want to adopt, at a relatively young age, you can change the entire trajectory of your life going forward in a significant way. Here are a few examples of good habits that you should try and cultivate as soon as possible.

Good financial management

There’s no doubt that money issues are one of the premier sources of stress, dissatisfaction, and trouble in the lives of most people.

When those money issues are related to poor financial management skills, the problem becomes all the more severe, and can, in fact, result in major issues with debt, trouble paying for essentials, and more.

Good financial management isn’t the only part of the puzzle when it comes to being financially secure, but it is an important part.

To get started on developing good financial management skills, consider signing up for a service such as You Need a Budget — which is a zero-based budgeting tool that allows you to plan exactly what you’re doing with every penny you get, as it comes in, and easily adjust your plans on the fly.

Using a good budgeting tool can give you insights on how to manage credit card debt, and plan realistically for the month ahead, and further into the future.

Building positive change into your life by small increments

A major stumbling block that many people hit sooner or later, is the belief that making positive change in your life, or introducing positive habits of any sort, requires major change all at once, combined with a monumental force of will.

However, there’s some good evidence out there that’s been covered by leading habit experts, that suggests that “starting big” is often the worst thing you can do.

Instead, start “too small to fail” and build positive changes into your life bit by bit. Want to get into a regular jogging habit? Start by putting on your running shoes each morning and standing outside your front door for a minute. Seriously.

Tracking and managing your time well

Punctuality and good time management are at the core of just about anything you could want to do in life. Those who can manage their time effectively always have an advantage over those who can’t.

If you’re naturally prone to procrastination and poor time management, get a watch and start tracking how you spend your time.

Consider books like Laura Vanderkam’s 168 Hours, and timesheets and apps to get you on top of things.

parenting

Raising a Responsible Student Driver

student driverDriving is an extremely valuable life skill. There are so many perks that come hand in hand with it. Being able to get behind the wheel of your own car means that you no longer rely on public transport options and gain the freedom of travelling at any time of the day or night. You will also no longer be tied to public transport routes and stops, as you can go wherever you want, as long as there’s a road that can take you there. Driving also opens up a whole host of job opportunities, as increasing numbers of employers require applicants to have a valid drivers licence and their own vehicle before they will be offered a position. So, it’s not all too surprising that most of us want our kids to get on the roads as soon as possible. Not only can it boost their own prospects, but if they have moved out of home, it also means we can come to expect more regular visits and spend more quality time with them. So, here are a few steps that you can take to help your not-so-little one get behind the wheel as quickly as possible.

Passing Their Test

Every driver who takes to public roads independently has to have a full drivers licence. But obtaining one of these can prove to be a long and drawn out process. It is estimated that the average person requires forty hours of lessons before being ready to take their test with a good chance of passing. Seeing as most instructors offer one hour lesson slots and most budding drivers take one lesson a week, you could be looking at an entire year before receiving a pass certificate. This doesn’t have to be the case though. There are intense courses out there that can see your kid realistically pass their test with a good knowledge of driving within a four week period. This means that they could be on the road for Christmas!

Choosing an Insurance Provider

Once your kids has passed, you’re going to want to look at insurance costs on different vehicles before encouraging them to choose one or another. Insurance costs for newly passed drivers are notoriously high, but by conducting a little research, you can find out what company has the best car insurance for teenage drivers or newly passed drivers. This will help them to determine what vehicle they can afford to invest in.

Purchasing a Vehicle

Once a vehicle has been settled upon, you might want to accompany your child to take a look at it and test drive it. New drivers tend to be unfamiliar with vehicles and many sellers will take advantage of this, leaving out negative information about the car they are selling. You can serve as a more experienced eye and can check that they are definitely getting a reliable vehicle and their money’s worth.

These are just a few steps that could genuinely get your kid driving independently in a relatively short period of time!

college visits, parenting

College Visits Aren’t for the Faint of Heart

college visitsIt’s fall for high school juniors and that means it’s time to jump right in and start those college visits. (Sophomores should start making these as well–there is much to be gained from making some preliminary visits.) If this is your first time visiting with a teenager you are in for a treat–drama on top of drama on top of drama. These visits are not for the faint of heart.

My own experiences with college visits still provide me with much needed comedy relief; although at the time they produced frustration and tears.

Here are four different college visit experiences we had with her. They prepared her for her final choice which wasn’t in Texas and wasn’t her dream school. You just never know where the journey will take you.

Baylor University

This wasn’t an actual visit, but it does demonstrate how emotional college visits can be. She refused to visit Baylor because Waco was the location of the Branch Davidian compound. Even though she had several friends who were considering that college and the setting and course offerings were perfect for her, she crossed it off the list before we ever set foot on campus.

North Texas State University

This was the only public university she visited and we had barely stepped out of the car before she said, “I don’t like it here. It’s ugly.” We did take the campus tour, which further cemented her distaste for the campus. It was one of the only colleges on her list that had a strong program of study that interested her, but there was no convincing her to consider it after the visit.

SMU

When we drove up to this private university, it was love at first sight. The campus is gorgeous and the buildings were immaculately maintained. After taking the tour, she decided to spend a night on campus. Meeting other students, seeing the sorority houses and spending time in a few of the classes cemented her love for this school. It would be the jewel to compare other colleges to; and she found one just like it in Boston.

Newberry College

This was a small college in the suburbs of Boston. She applied to this college because 1) it was in Boston, and 2) it had a strong program of study that she was interested in. We visited this college after she was accepted and offered a full-ride scholarship. She never got out of the car. Her words, “I’m just not feeling it.” You can imagine my frustration but I knew that if she wasn’t happy she wouldn’t excel there, especially this far away from home. So I counted to 10, we drove off, and went to the next college—the college she ultimately  chose–Bentley College (a campus like SMU in Boston).

Those were my experiences, but yours might be entirely different. Prepare for your teenager to morph into these strange characters over the next several months.

The skeptic

Before you even get out of the car your kid announces that he’s just not feeling it. Don’t even attempt to decipher what that means because it’s impossible to understand. You’ve driven (or flown) to go to a college he had on a list and now he’s just not feeling it. Bench your anger, take a deep breath and get out of the car. You’ve come all this way and you’re going to visit the college. In the best of worlds he will get out with you. In the worst of worlds he’ll stay in the car. There’s not much you can do with an obstinate teenager; it’s best to move on.

The architect

And yet another alien appears. You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that he doesn’t like how it looks. Never mind that he’s not going to college for the buildings or the landscaping. He’s going for the academics. But for some reason his blinders aren’t allowing him to see anything but the buildings and no amount of pointing out the pluses is going to change his mind.

The critic

You’re walking around campus and your kid announces that the students don’t seem friendly. Mind you he’s probably not even spoken to any of them and it’s a good bet he didn’t like the tour guide. Don’t try to convince him otherwise because the more you say, the less likely he’ll come around. Just wait until a cute girl approaches him. He’ll change his tune quickly.

The panic-stricken

You get back into the car after your last visit and he announces, “I’m not sure I want to go to college”. Don’t panic. He’s just realized the whole thing is real and he’s terrified. Give him some time to think it through and tomorrow he’ll most likely change his mind again. The worst thing you can do is draw a hard line in the sand now because his feelings are likely to go up and down like a roller coaster over the next few months (or years).

What’s a parent to do?

Even though your kid wants you to treat him as an adult, he’s still a teenager. His emotions are all over the place and this next step in his life is frightening. Remember that college is largely an emotional decision and you should expect that emotions will play into that decision. When the dust settles and the emotions clear, he will make a decision based on all the factors, including his campus visits. After all, you don’t want him to attend a college he just isn’t feeling and you don’t want him to make a decision and leave out the emotional factor. He’s going to spend the next four years of his life at this school. It will become his second home and it’s important that he likes where he is.

As you can see, it’s not an exact science. You can plan and prepare all you want, do your research before visiting, and make a list of likes and dislikes prior to pulling up to campus. But it’s that first impression that will have a lasting impact on their college decisions. There’s nothing logical about a teenager. Prepare for a wild ride.

college guidance, dorm life, parenting

Life Lessons Your Student Will Learn in College

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collegeDo you remember the days of being in college? For the most part, it’s full of so many happy memories, life lessons, and ways of creating a future for yourself. While college is still a place to grow independently without the supervision of parents, there is still the thought in the back of their minds about what the future holds for them, and what they need to do to ensure they get the right career. Among all of this pressure, there are still life lessons to learn in college.

The Big Money Problem

Your kids won’t really understand the value of money until they reach college.  As they get older and start college, the things that they have to pay for grow and grow, and they aren’t always going to be able to rely on the bank of mom and dad to help them out. They really do need to learn the skill of managing money, and they’re never going to be able to do that if they know they’ve always got something to fall back on from you. You could even help them with their money management.  As hard as college is on the finances, it definitely does help to teach a lesson or two.

Solo Living

They will have to learn to do things for themselves. Washing and drying, and perhaps even ironing. Keeping the room clean so that it doesn’t start to smell, and generally caring for themselves. You wouldn’t believe how many college kids hygiene levels drop in the first couple of months because they just can’t look after themselves. They have the stress of making new friends, getting used to college, and getting used to living on their own to deal with. So sometimes because of all of this stress, hygiene levels do drop! They also learn to enjoy their own company, which we really do think is an important life lesson. You can’t always rely on people to be around you, so being content being alone is an important life lesson.

Finding A Love For Travel

So, we’ve spoke about financial management and the stress of juggling living solo, so how on earth do they fit travel in!? Many colleges actually organize a couple of trips relating to sports, or the course they’re studying. A school trip company would organize the location and perhaps the itinerary, and all your kids would have to do is pay the fee to go. Trips or studying abroad teaches your student to enjoy other parts of the world, and be aware of world problems. Travel really does help to broaden then mind in other ways, and it’s such a good way to fill a life with memories, especially at college

The Real World

We would like to think that the biggest lesson they learn, is about the real world. Although they might not be in it just yet, they know it’s looming, and hopefully they understand how stressful it’s going to be. During high school, kids are sort of shielded from the realities of what adult life is going to be like, but during college, they really start to drum it in about the hardships out there. So, the lessons to be learned will involve the importance of finding and keeping a good job, and how to look after themselves.

The Importance Of Family

Finally, a big lesson they will hopefully learn is the importance of family. Family time is something that will become hard to come by while. But hopefully this lack of contact, but influx of support, teaches them why parents and family are the best people in their lives!

parenting

Is Your Student Showing Signs of Bullying?

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bullyingAs a parent, many things will cause you worry and sleepless nights. When our kids are tiny, we worry about whether they are safe in their crib, whether they are getting enough milk and if they are warm enough. As they get older though, the things that you worry about change. You send them off to school in a jumper and assume that they’ll be able to keep themselves warm and fed. But, there are new things to worry about. You’ll spend time wondering how they are settling in, if they’ve got friends, how they are coping with their workload and if they are trying their best.

One of the big things that we worry about as parents of school-aged children, whether they are 5 or 20, is bullying. Bullying has always been a problem, and the world of social media seems to have only made it worse and given the bullies a new form of attack. While kids will always get into the odd tussle or argument, bullying is something very different. See how Dr. Jerry Jellig responded to bullying and take a look at these signs that all parents should be watching out for.

School Avoidance

All kids have the occasional day when they don’t want to go to school. Even those that normally love going have days when they don’t feel like it, when they are worried about a class or assignment, or when they just want to do something else. This is normal and nothing to worry about.

But, when it starts to become more than this, when they never want to go to school, never talk about their day and start making excuses to stay at home it can be the sign of a more serious issue.

Change of Personality

Mood swings and personality changes in themselves aren’t always a problem. This can be another typical sign of a child growing up. Especially teenagers or those approaching the teen years. It’s also normal to notice mood swings after a holiday when returning to school is making them tired, and they are struggling to return to a routine.

But, if these mood swings are dramatic, and their personality seems completely different around school times, then keep an eye on it. It could be a sign that something is worrying them. Change in appetite is another thing to watch out for.

Poor Sleeping Patterns

You’ll know yourself that when you are feeling anxious or worried, you struggle to get a good night’s sleep. Your child might well be the same. If they are being bullied or worried about school, you may find that they seem much tidier than usual, as they are worrying late into the night.

Weight Loss

A lack of sleep and change in appetite isn’t always obvious, especially if your child is older, stays up later and doesn’t always eat with you. But, weight loss can be a sure sign, especially if it’s sudden and unrelated to exercise.

If you are concerned that your child is being bullied, speak to them. Listen to what they are telling you, without guiding or pushing them, and they speak to their teachers or staff at school as soon as you can.

college planning, parenting

Why Apply for Financial Aid?

financial aidFinancial aid can be a confusing part of the college application process. Even if you can afford to pay for college, it’s a good idea to learn what aid is available and apply for it. You aren’t obligated to accept it, but most students qualify for some form of aid and, if it’s available, why not use it?

What is financial aid?

Financial aid is intended to make up the difference between what your family can afford to pay and what college actually costs. With college tuition rising rapidly, more than half of the students currently enrolled in college receive some sort of financial aid to help pay for college. The system is based on the premise that anyone should be able to attend college, regardless of financial circumstances. However, students and their families are expected to contribute to the extent that they are able.

There are two types of aid: need-based, and non need-based. Need-based aid includes grants and scholarships that are issued based on the family’s ability to contribute to education costs. Non-need-based aid is allocated solely based on availability, not need.

There are three main types of financial aid: grants and scholarships, loans and work study.

What is “free” money?

Not all aid is equal and the best aid is the aid you don’t have to pay back. It’s like getting a huge coupon of savings to use for your college education.

What types of education loans are available?

Not all college loans are equal.

There are two types of government-based loans: subsidized and unsubsidized. Subsidized loans have lower interest rates and are awarded based on the student’s financial need with interest deferred until after graduation. Unsubsidized loans are awarded without regard to financial need with interest payments beginning immediately and regular payments due after graduation.

What is work study?

The Federal Work-Study Program provides a method for college students to earn funds to be used toward their education. The program is based on financial need and students must be accepted into the program to qualify which is determined by completing the Free Application for Federal Student Aid or FAFSA.

What is the FAFSA and do I need to file it?

The FAFSA is the Free Application for Federal Student Aid and you should apply if you want any chance to receive federal and state student grants, work study, loans or merit-based aid. If you don’t complete the FAFSA, you can’t apply for student loans. Colleges also use these figures when determining financial aid eligibility for grants and scholarships. Plus, many states use your FAFSA data to determine your eligibility for their aid.

The FAFSA is available on Oct. 1 of every year and you should complete it as close to that date as possible in the fall of your senior year. Aid is dispersed on a first-come, first-served basis. The sooner you apply, the more likely you will receive a portion of the financial aid pie.

What is the EFC?

The Expected Family Contribution (EFC) is how much money your family is expected to contribute to your college education for one year. Typically, the lower your EFC, the more financial aid you will receive. Factors such as family size, number of family members in college, family savings, and current earnings (information you provide on the FAFSA) are used to calculate this figure. Once your FAFSA is processed, you will receive a Student Aid Report (SAR) with your official EFC figure.

You can calculate your EFC by visiting FinAid.org.

What is an award letter and how do you use it?

As the offers of admission arrive from colleges, the financial aid award letters will follow. They can be confusing and vague. Added to the confusion is that every award letter is different, making it hard to easily compare them side by side.

Thankfully, there are tools available and information to help you look at these letters for what they are: the college’s pitch for you to accept their offer of admission. You are in control of this process and you hold the cards. It’s your decision to accept or reject their offer based on the amount of aid they are willing to give you. Money, in this situation, is everything.

If a college wants you to attend, they will back it up with money. No money means their offer is probably based on filling a quota and expecting you will decline to attend. And you should. Who wants to attend a college that doesn’t value you as a student?

For details on the types of free money, educational loans, how colleges use the financial award letter to hide their agenda, read the original full article I wrote at TeenLife Media:  A Beginner’s Guide to Financial Aid and How to Get It.

college planning, parenting

Are Your Pressuring Your Child Too Much to Study?

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studyCollege is a very important decision. It could affect your child for the rest of their lives and it could even mean the difference between them getting the job of their dreams and not. Of course, as a parent you may feel pressure here as well because you only want the best for your child and you also want them to do well. The last thing that you want however is to put additional pressure on them because if you do then you may end up doing more harm than good and this is something that you will want to avoid.

You Criticize Too Much

If you find that you criticize more than you praise then this is a clear sign that you are putting too much pressure on them. A lot of parents tend to ignore a lot of positive behavior because they don’t think that their kids need praise for being good because they need to be pressured so that they can be great. This is not the case at all, so if you know that your child is putting in the work, don’t be afraid to reward them. Take them out shopping, or even grab a coffee and catch up on news that revolves around something other than college. When you do this, you can give them a break and you can also show them that you support them regardless. After all, the last thing that you want is for your child to feel as though if they fail, that your love for them will disappear.

Micromanaging

If you are a high-pressure parent then you may find that you micromanage your child when they are trying to study. You may ensure that they are doing everything right and you may even go above and beyond when it comes to getting them study resources. Although at times, there may be nothing wrong with this, you do need to make sure that you are letting them study by themselves. If you don’t then they may find it hard to study alone when they go to university and when they are away from home, this is the last thing that you need.

You Believe Every Situation Is Going to Alter their Life

If you find that you are constantly telling your child that nearly every situation is do-or-die then this can cause you major issues. You don’t need to tell your child that this is their one-shot and you don’t need to put them under any more pressure than they are already under. This is especially the case for gifted and talented students and the main reason for this is because they already understand the consequences of their actions. They are also already aware of their potential and what they could go on to achieve, so you don’t need to keep reminding them that every time they get a lower score on a test, that they are compromising their own chances. After all, this may not even be true, because there are so many resources out there designed to help those who do score badly on tests, to re-try or even take an alternative route.

parenting

Driving: An Adult Responsibility Your Student Should Master

drivingWhen your kids decide they want to drive, it’s normal to want to approach them about driving especially if you have prior experience. It’s a fantastic opportunity to spend time with your kids and it can be a brilliant bonding experience. If they’re interested in learning to drive, then here are a couple of the most important things about driving that you should pass down.

  1. Seatbelt First

There are many depictions of driving in films and media where people just don’t use their seatbelts. In fact, your kids may have rode in a car where the driver didn’t request everyone to put on their seatbelts, nor did they bother to check if everyone was wearing them. This is typically because they feel safe driving shorter distances, especially if there’s no traffic. However, it’s incredibly dangerous to forget your seatbelt and it’s something you need to drill into their head as soon as possible.

  1. Watch Other Cars, Not Just Yourself

Defensive driving is the best way to avoid a talk with your car accident lawyer.. If you don’t want to end up in an accident, it’s vital that you teach your kids the importance of not just watching their own cars, but the cars around them as well. This will train them to be mindful of other drivers and also helps them identify problematic drivers before they have a chance to accidentally crash or strike your child when they’re driving in the future.

  1. Cars Are Not Fashion Statements

With influence from pop culture and media, your kids might have this idea that cars are a fashion item and they need to get the latest and greatest models and brands. In fact, with the rise of Tesla’s electric cars and talks about saving the environment becoming popular in schools, they might be more willing to purchase a vehicle in the future because of the brand, not because of the features. Instead, teach them that used cars are acceptable and there are plenty of fantastic vehicles that feel great to drive instead of just looking fancy.

  1. Distractions Are Bad

Distractions, such as talking on the phone, answering a text message or even changing the music, are bad. You need to teach your kids to keep both eyes on the road, ears on the road and hands on the wheel. Even something like talking to their friend in the passenger seat could cause distractions especially if they’re looking to face them when talking, so make sure to highlight the importance of avoiding distractions.

  1. You’re the Example

If you decide to teach your kids how to drive, then remember that you’re the role model for them. You need to do everything you teach them or else they’ll create the connection that you’re teaching them something that you don’t actually believe in yourself. So if you’re going to teach them about distractions, don’t make an exception for yourself. If you’re going to drone on about seat belts to ensure they learn, then don’t neglect the seatbelt yourself.

parenting

Finding the Best Car for your College Student

carNow that your student is all grown up and off to college, it’s perhaps time to have that chat about buying a car. Undoubtedly, it’s going to make his or her life way easier when they have to be on time for classes – and it also gives them that sense of extra responsibility that we often need in order to actually grow up.

You may have your own doubts, though, which is understandable. It’s hard enough to see them jet off to college and leave the house they grew up in behind, but now they’re going to be fully independent. They don’t even have to ask you for a ride anymore, and it’s hard to say if this is a good thing or not.

Here is a handful of expert advice on what to look for when buying a car for your teenager. That way, you can feel a bit more confident about your decision.

#1 Focus on parenting rather than technology

You can buy your teen the fanciest car with all of the technology in the world, but it’s really no replacement for good parenting. You need to have that chat with your teenager long before they’re able to drive a car of their own and make sure that, even if they’re not experienced enough, at least they know how to handle the vehicle.

Some features may be helpful, though, such as a text alert when your teen is going over the speed limit. That way, you’ll be able to let them hear it when they’re back home – and you can lecture them even if you’re not in the car with them.

#2 Buy a boring car

Like all parents should know, the best car for your teenager is one that is boring and slow. Flashy colors and an engine that’s made for speeding is really no option for an inexperienced driver – no matter how cool it would make you seem as a parent.

Remember that you can find great prices on used cars online, by the way, so that you don’t have to spend money on buying a brand new one. Have a look at Kelly blue book value to estimate the price of a car you have your eyes on, and make sure that it’s a big, boring, and slow one.

#3 Skip phone-to-car features

While technology certainly is making it easier for us to use our phones while driving, it’s not really the safest feature for inexperienced drivers. You should definitely pass on those Apple Carplay features or general phone-to-car interfaces as they just make it way easier for your teenager to get distracted while driving.

Let them know that focusing on anything else than the road is a big no, and set an example by avoiding the features yourself while driving. That way, they’ll never be able to use it against you later on.

 

careers, parenting

Helping Your Student Find the Right Career Path

career pathChoosing a career path is something that everyone can feel pressured to do, and often from a young age. The truth is that many people never really know what they want to do “when they grow up” and can often change careers several times. But finding a path into a first career can still feel tough. By helping your child to find their way, you can encourage them to start with the right college choice.

Explore Their Interests

A career doesn’t have to be based around something that you’re extremely passionate about. However, exploring your interests and the things you enjoy can help you to find something that you would be good at. You can help your child to explore their interests and what careers they might relate to.

Research Potential College Options

Taking a look at available college options that might help your child explore their interests and their strengths can help them find their career path. You might consider colleges that have plenty of support for exploring careers and opportunities for work experience and internships.

Traits and Characteristics

Your child’s characteristics and personality traits can play a big role in their exploration of what sort of career might suit them. If they already have something in mind, it can help them decide whether it’s the right choice for them. Finding out what their personality type is can give them some good guidance on whether a certain industry or role could be a good idea. For example, some personality types are better suited to certain tasks in sales roles as explained in the infographic below.


Infographic Design By University of Alabama Birmingham