Category Archives: college planning

admissions, college guidance, college planning, college prep

The Perfect College List

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college list

Did you know there are more than 4,000 four-year colleges and universities in the United States? That can make choosing a college overwhelming. But there is a college to fit your dreams – and finding it starts with the right list of schools where you plan to apply.

Your college list is the basis for every decision regarding college. Without a good list, it’s impossible to make a clearly logical and well-informed college choice. You should begin your college list during your junior year of high school. By the beginning of your senior year, you should have a final list for college applications.

The “Fit” Questions

How do you start a dream list? A good college list should have three “fit” criteria: financial fit, academic fit and emotional fit. Consider each school by asking these “fit” questions:

  • Financial Fit-Does the college fit into your family’s budget?
  • Academic Fit-Does the college fit into your academic aspirations?
  • Emotional Fit-Can you see yourself attending college there?

Seven More Questions to Use as a Reality Check

Once you’ve answered the “fit” questions, dig deep and ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you choosing a college to follow a boyfriend or girlfriend?
  • Are you choosing a college to follow a best friend?
  • Are you choosing a college because you follow the sports team?
  • Are you choosing a college because it’s “fun”?
  • Are you choosing a college because of location?
  • Are you choosing a college because of its reputation?
  • Are you choosing a college based on someone else’s opinion?

Divide Your College List Into These Categories

Once you’ve answered all those questions, you’re ready to begin your list, which should always include the Dream Team, the Best Bets and some Sure Things (also known as reach schools, best fit schools and safety schools).

The Dream Team

Your dream colleges should be a reach but not impossible. Those colleges have very low acceptance rates. I’m all for dreaming, but when it comes to a college list, practicality and logic reign.

The Best Bets

The colleges on this part of the list are colleges that would put you at the top of the applicant pool.  It’s not all about the money, but money sure does make the final decision easier.

The Sure Things

Carefully consider the choices and make sure that these colleges are colleges you really want to attend. It will relieve pressure and stress if they offer you admission.

Consider This Important College Data

Now that you know which colleges to put on your college list, how do you choose the right ones? What criteria do you use to populate your list? Where do you find the best information, or statistics, to help you make your list?

Two good sources for college statistics are College Navigator and College Data. These two resources will help you make an informed college choice. Numbers aren’t everything, but consider these important stats when you are looking at schools

Rankings

Never rely solely on one set of rankings. Use the comparison tools to make a wise college choice.

Financial aid percentages

If you need financial aid, a college with a low percentage of merit aid should be eliminated from your list.

Acceptance rates

Look for colleges with high acceptance rates. Better yet, look for the colleges where you would be a top applicant in the applicant pool. This translates into more merit aid in the financial aid package.

Faculty-student ratio

If you’re looking at a big school, consider the size of the program that interests you. You may get more personalized attention in a major with fewer students.

Freshman retention rate

If schools you’re considering have a low freshman retention rate, there’s a reason. Some colleges do a great job of taking care of their freshmen; some don’t.

Graduation rate

When you research the college, look up their graduation rates. Low rates could be a red flag.

Average indebtedness

If the average student indebtedness is high, and you need financial aid, this college might not make the final list.

Percentage of students employed after graduation

Colleges with a high percentage of unemployed graduates should be avoided by students who need to incur high student loan debt.

Other Important Stuff to Think About

  • Study styles: Are you more comfortable in a structured class or doing independent study?
  • Money: Your budget plays a huge factor in the decision process.
  • Size: Do you want small class sizes, or does it matter?
  • Location: Do you want to go away to college or stay close by or even live at home?
  • Extracurriculars: Are there activities that are crucial to having a positive college experience (for example, working on a campus newspaper, participating in intramural sports, studying abroad)?
  • Academics: Is there a specific major you are interested in, or will a liberal arts degree do?
  • Career focus:  Do you need to consider a school that offers specialized degrees like culinary arts or fashion design?
  • Sports: Does the school have a huge sports program, or do sports have little impact on your decision?
  • Competitive or noncompetitive: Do you have the resume that will ensure acceptance to a competitive college like Stanford or Princeton?
  • Specialized programs: Do you want to work in a specific field?

As you can easily see, there’s more to refining a college list than picking a college with Greek life or college sports rankings. It’s a place you will call home, and you need to feel comfortable there. Once you’ve determined that a college meets all your criteria, add it to the list. It’s a keeper!

For details on each category and more information on how to populate your college list, read the original article written for TeenLife Magazine: How to Put Together a College List that Finds the Perfect Fit.

college guidance, college planning, college prep

Could Private School Prepare Your Child for College?

private schoolFrom the time your child enters preschool, all you ever want is to provide them with the best educational experience. The more your children are able to learn in their formative years, the better equipped they are for the real world. As your child grows up in a world that is ever-changing, it is vital that you’re able to provide them with a competitive foundation to succeed. A solid education is an essential part of that foundation, which is why many parents send their children to private schools.

Though there are undoubtedly great public school systems that have produced some of the world’s most well-renowned people, many parents find that affording their children a private education, particularly in middle and high school, provides an advantage for their teens. Many of the best schools in Orange county and across the US use moral and ethical values along with teaching practices and student expectations, to help make transitioning into the college environment a lot easier.

If you’re thinking of enrolling your child in a private school, but wonder how it might best prepare them for college, you’ll find these points to be interesting.

More Resources for Broader Learning Opportunities

Unfortunately, many public schools have had to cut funding for many of their educational and extracurricular programs once available to students. From foreign languages to sports and music, there are a lot of great opportunities students don’t have access to. Private schools, however, have the available resources to educate students in those areas. As they are able to explore new cultures, various art forms, and even athletics, it provides them with a diverse education and skills they wouldn’t otherwise be able to.

High Student Expectations

Parents are, without a doubt, an intricate part of their teen’s educational experience. When cooperating with teachers, parents are able to help their children to be better learners. Yet, as students get older, it is necessary for them to take a larger responsibility in their education. When they graduate high school and go on to college, professors will require a lot of them. If they don’t hold up to said expectations, they run the risk of ruining their educational careers. Private schools stand to prepare students for that. Requiring students to put their best foot forward in their studies and also expecting them to participate in extracurricular activities gives students a sense of responsibility they’ll need to master college life.

A Diverse Environment

Public schools are available to students who live in a particular town. This can limit your child’s exposure to other cultures, backgrounds, and personality types. Private schools recruit from all over and create a climate where children from all walks of life can feel at home. Your teen gets to learn how unique they are while also learning about the unique qualities of others. They learn how to get along, work together, and in some cases, cohabitat with individuals who are representations of the very makeup of college campuses across the country.

College Resources

Another bonus to enrolling your teen in private middle or high school are the various resources most facilities tend to have. Many schools have college assistance programs in which they help students and their parents through the college application process. By their sophomore year, most students are paired with a college counselor who helps them look into various universities, research financial aid, and scholarship opportunities, and work on the essays giving them a better chance at getting noticed.

Your children are the future leaders, creative minds, and motivators of their generation. In order for them to effectively make their mark on the world, it is imperative that they have a solid foundation from which to draw from. Private schooling has the resources, curriculum, and experience to help each of our students master the exciting new chapter of college life and beyond.

 

college guidance, college planning, college prep, Uncategorized

Cast a Wider College Net for Your College Choices

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college choicesJoin a group of parents whose students are getting college admissions letters and you’re going to hear the same conversations. Some are elated, others are confused, and many are disappointed.

I guarantee you that the elated parents have students who took the time to research the college and made sure they were at the top of the applicant pool when they applied. The confused and disappointed parents more than likely have students who applied to elite colleges with little hope of being offered admission or little hope of being able to afford it if their students were accepted.

It seems in today’s competitive college market, parents and students are often blinded by the hype. They fall for the false narrative that a student can’t be successful with a degree from an unknown college. They believe the lie that you can’t get a superior education from a small liberal arts college. They fall prey to the peer pressure from other parents who love to name drop and brag about where their student is applying.

Unfortunately, students suffer when their dreams are squashed by a college that only admits 10 percent or fewer of their applicants. In fact, elite colleges work hard to boost their rejection rates every year.

The good news is your student can avoid rejection by casting a wider college search net and considering other options when making your college choices.

Consider all types of colleges

Many students stick to the obvious in-state public universities. These universities are often large and have tens of thousands of applicants every year.

Seek a career, not a degree

Not every student is meant to pursue a degree at a traditional college or university. If your student is interested in pursuing a trade, consider researching technical and training schools.

Find your niche and exploit it

When creating a college list, search for specific degree paths that might be off the radar.

By widening your student’s search net and being more creative with the college list, his or her chances of receiving an affirmative answer instead of a rejection will increase tremendously.

For the details on how to pursue each category, you can read my original article on TeenLife Magazine here:  Crafting the Perfect Application List.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, college prep

5 Ways NOT to Choose a College

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choose a collegeThere are thousands of potential choices for rising seniors, hundreds of influences on the paths they take in choosing colleges for consideration. How can they best sift through it all to find the right fit for them? And perhaps even more importantly – what SHOULDN’T they do?  Bob Allen, President, Green Mountain College, weighs in:

Top 5 Ways NOT to Choose a College 

  1. Limit yourself to just a couple of search terms. Size, location and a “big bucket” term such as “liberal arts” don’t go far enough to finding the right place to (ideally) spend the next four years of your education!
  2. Choose based on sports teams – unless you’re entering on a sports scholarship, a school’s successful team doesn’t equate to your academic success. You might be better off cheering that team from afar!
  3. Get distracted by facilities – who doesn’t like a fancy dining hall? But in the end, are your meals really what you want to remember best from your education?
  4. Cave in to peer pressure – don’t just default to the school where your friends are going. College is the time to let your individuality shine, to figure out what you really want in a career (which might not be the same as your high school clique).
  5. Rely on limited, or not credible, rankings – there are more and more rankings lists popping up each year. Do your research – if the list isn’t from an organization you (or your parents or guidance counselor) recognize as an authority in your area(s) of interest, disregard it. And, keep a wary eye even on the “elder statesmen” of rankings; some have not been updated to include newer areas of study, such as sustainability.

While choosing a college is never easy, it’s possible to find the perfect fit. Don’t be blinded by the glitz and glamour of a campus or the college name. Names makes the news; but colleges that offer excellent educations are everywhere.  Look for the college that fits your academic, financial and social needs.

____________________________________

Green Mountain College is recognized for its work in preparing the next generation of sustainability professionals more than any other college in the country (see here for details). 

college guidance, college planning, parenting

Parent vs. Student: Conflicts About College

conflicts about collegeAsk a high school student (without a parent present) and most would tell you that they want to go to college for a) the social scene (aka partying), b) to get away from home and their parents, and c) to get a degree so they can get a high paying job after graduation. Ask a parent about the reasons they want their kids to go to college and they will tell you unequivocally that it’s for an education which will lead to a good job after graduation.

These goals differ dramatically and often cause conflicts about college choices, college majors and college location. Why are parents and students so far apart and how can you help them see things from your perspective or help them find a balance?

Academics vs a social life

Parents send their kids to college to study and excel academically. They see the money they spend as an investment in their future and would prefer that their kids not sacrifice academics for a social life. The reality is that students need both. A socially active student is a happy student. College is more than studying, tests and grades. It’s about having life experiences that help them mature as adults. Most college graduates say they learned much more in college than just academics.

The key is to help them find a balance. Before they leave for college encourage them to make a plan—allocating x amount of hours to study, leaving them with free time to socialize and participate in campus activities. If your student stays locked up in his/her dorm room all semester studying, the stress will inevitably manifest itself in their health and in their emotional well-being. If your student understands that good grades mean they won’t get put on academic probation or not be able to complete college, it might help them focus on their studies before they play.

“College prestige” vs “best fit”

Your student may want to attend an Ivy League college or any school within the top rankings, but is it really a good choice for them and will they be happy and excel. Choosing a college should be based on three criteria: money, major, and fit. Prestige should not be a factor, but peer pressure among students often makes this a top priority in their minds. A college with a big name might look good on paper and give them bragging rights with their peers, but when the dust settles will they be happy at this school and will it provide them with an education that will lead to employment.

Here’s another thing to consider—would you want to go somewhere you don’t fit in and are not wanted? Of course not. But students often do just that when they choose a college. If a school makes an offer of admission along with copious amounts of financial aid, they value your student and their contribution to their student body. If a college accepts them but doesn’t offer aid, the chances are they are just filling an admissions quota. Looking at it from this perspective makes the decision easier and helps them see the value in choosing a best fit college over a prestigious one.

Paying for school-parent or student

Most parents feel they are partially responsible for contributing to their child’s college education. While not everyone agrees on how much, we can all agree that this topic should be addressed before the students start looking at colleges. I call it the “money talk” and it’s just as important as any other aspect of the college prep process.

Kids are acutely aware of their need to contribute. In a recent Fidelity Investments online survey of U.S. high school seniors, a majority said saving for education was “overwhelming.” Good news for parents: 94 percent of students were willing to pay for at least some of their college costs; 56 percent of those said their share should be half.

Studies show that students who contribute financially to their education usually do better in college because they are financially invested. Teaching your kids to work for something they want begins during early childhood and should continue throughout college.

Once you’ve explained to your student what is expected of them, carry the conversation further by offering suggestions on how they can pay for their portion:

  • Student loans–All students who complete the FAFSA are eligible for government funded student loans. This is certainly an option, but the amount of the loans should not exceed their ability to repay after graduation. Loan repayment calculators are available to help you with that figure and you can research the average salary for your child’s degree after graduation.
  • Scholarships—Your student should be responsible for researching scholarship opportunities and completing the applications. These scholarships will help supplement their contribution and minimize the amount of student loan debt.
  • Work-study—Students should work during college, if only part-time. Work-study programs offer jobs on campus with employers who are willing to work with their academic schedule.

Location vs opportunity

Knowing that one of your student’s goals is to move away from home and get out from under your “control” means their decisions are often clouded by this priority. While location is certainly a concern, the reasons behind it should not be the distance from parental control. Just a few weeks into their freshman year they will discover how much they miss home and their parents. They may not see it now but it’s a guarantee it will happen. If they don’t believe you, have them ask current students. Often talking to their peers will help them see it from a different perspective.

Here are some things your student should consider when deciding on a location:

  • Networking and employment opportunities—Students should look ahead into the future. When they graduate do they expect to have a job waiting for them? Do they want to intern while in college to experience their future career? Colleges with large alumni networks also have opportunities for students to make connections that could help them after graduation. Texas A&M, for example, has a large alumni network who pride themselves in hiring A&M graduates if one is available. If their chosen career is theater, then living in New York makes perfect sense. If they want to pursue an acting career, Los Angeles would be an excellent choice. Cities with large corporate headquarter populations also offer employment opportunities after graduation as well. Once you look at the chosen career, you can determine if location should be factored in.
  • Tuition cost–If cost is a concern, living at home and attending a college close by should always be considered. Your student would save money on room and board and be able to work part-time while attending. Often students with limited financial resources choose colleges close to home based on these criteria.
  • Expenses not covered in tuition/room and board—Their tuition, room and board may be covered but those are not the only college costs. Parents and students should also factor in travel expenses into the decision. Attending college across the country can rack up airfare, gas and other travel related expenses on trips back and forth between both parents and students.

High school students often live in a fantasy world. They see their futures in black and white and they dream big. While there’s nothing wrong with dreams, it’s the parents’ job to help them with a reality check when needed. As you have done throughout your child’s life, continue to guide them and encourage them to make the best college decision based on reality.

admissions, college guidance, college planning, college prep, essays

Prepping for the College Application

college applicationBefore your student hits submit on his college application, he has work to do. Summer is a good time for juniors and seniors to start prepping and looking towards the future.

Which colleges belong on your list

A good college list should have three “fit” criteria: financial fit, academic fit, and emotional fit. Once your student has a tentative list, ask if they have all three criteria before finalizing the list.

Financial Fit

Does the college fit into your family’s budget? If the college doesn’t fit financially, cross it off the list. While you should never consider a college solely based on the sticker price, you should certainly examine what will happen if your student is accepted and doesn’t receive any financial aid. Remember when factoring in cost, don’t forget about the add-ons like traveling expenses or meal plans. They can add up and have a substantial effect on your budget.

Academic Fit

Does the college fit into your student’s academic aspirations? This might seem like a no-brainer, but the education is a key factor in attending college. Cross the college off the list if it doesn’t fit into your student’s academic learning style. For instance, is your student looking for smaller class sizes and strong relationships with his professors? A larger university won’t offer this.

Emotional fit

Can your student see himself attending college there? When he visited the campus, did it “feel” right and did he have a rapport with the students he came in contact with? You might think college shouldn’t be an emotional decision, but it is. After all, they will be spending at least four years of their lives there. If they don’t fit into the social climate they will be miserable.

Positioning

Another thing to consider is positioning. Is your student positioned well with the other applicants, especially if you are looking for merit aid? Are their scores, grades, and achievements good enough to put them at the top of the applicant pool?

As you can easily see, there’s more to refining a college list than picking a college with Greek life or college sports rankings. It’s a place your student will call home and he needs to feel comfortable there. Once you’ve determined if the college has all three criteria, add it to the final list.

Which part of the college application is most important?

Any admissions officer will tell you that the essay is the most important part of the college application. The essay is your student’s “introduction” to the college and an opportunity to reveal the true person behind all the data on the application. They should spend time crafting the essay and painting the best picture possible for admissions officers reading their essay.

In addition to the essay, an important detail to remember is verifying that all items requested by the college are included in the application. That means recommendation letters, supplemental essays, transcripts and standardized test scores. An incomplete essay can be a red flag to admissions officers and could land your student’s application in the rejection pile.

When should your student apply?

Colleges post their admissions deadlines on their websites and within the Common App if they are one of the schools using it. But their deadline should not be your student’s deadline. Their application should arrive early—before the deadline. Applications that arrive early are first in line: first in line for review and first in line for financial aid. It stands to reason that applications that arrive early, before all the thousands of others applying on the deadline, will get greater attention.

Once the application is complete, proofed and verified that all forms and supplements are attached, submit it. Don’t wait until the last minute. Make sure your student has plenty of time to review all the components of the application before submitting it.

If you are applying regular decision, ED (Early Decision) or EA (Early Action), plan on submitting it at least two weeks in advance of the deadline. This puts you at the head of the pack and allows for any technical difficulties that could pop up. Waiting until the last minute on a college application is playing with fire.

With rolling admission, submit the application as soon as it’s complete. Most rolling admissions schools have a limited number of student slots, and as they judge and accept applications, those slots get filled. If you apply too late, then there’s a good chance all the slots may be filled, and you’ll be out of luck.

Schools with rolling admissions offer important options and opportunities that static deadlines don’t. Rolling admissions schools will accept and examine applications as they are sent in, instead of waiting to judge all applications concurrently. Schools with rolling admissions can be great for late admissions, or for finding out early whether or not you are accepted, so you can change your plan accordingly.

What’s next?

After the applications are submitted, you wait. Your student waits for the colleges to respond with offers of admission or no offer of admission. Waiting can be stressful. But the benefit of finishing early allows your and your student the freedom to relax, knowing that everything related to the application is complete.

admissions, college planning, college prep

Prepping for the College Application

college application

The Common App is now available for juniors to sign up and start preparing for the fall college application season. With more and more students applying Early Decision or Early Action, juniors are already making their college lists and getting ready to apply during their first semester of senior year.

Which colleges belong on your list

A good college list should have three “fit” criteria: financial fit, academic fit, and emotional fit. Once your student has a tentative list, ask if they have all three criteria before finalizing the list.

Continue reading Prepping for the College Application →
college guidance, college planning, college prep, parenting

A Summer College To-Do List for Parents of Seniors

collegeSummer is in full swing and families are enjoying the vacation time. But if you student is a college-bound senior, there are some to-dos you should think about over the summer and add them to your family fun time. The new school year will be here before you know it and senior year is a busy time for high school students. Everything you can accomplish over the summer will mean one less activity for senior year.

Discuss college finances

Your college-bound senior needs to know what you are prepared to contribute financially to their college education. This discussion will help with college choices and make it easier in the spring when you review financial aid packages. You should also discuss what you expect them to contribute to their education. Research shows that when a student is invested financially in their degree they tend to focus more on their academics.

Discuss high school academics

Every high school student is tempted to “skate” through their senior year, especially after the college applications are completed and even after they receive their college acceptance letters. Senior year is the worst time to abandon academic excellence. Colleges will be checking transcripts mid-year and after graduation. If they see that the student did not focus during senior year, colleges have been known to recant their offer of admission.

Talk about college career services

This may be the last thing your college-bound senior will be thinking about. However, it’s an important factor in the college decision process. Discuss each college’s career services with your college-bound senior. Does the college offer internships? Do they have a career center to assist you with your job search (during and upon graduation). Do the alumni actively participate in networking with the students? The answers to these questions should affect the final college choices.

Encourage your student to start working on the essay

When school starts, a senior’s schedule is usually filled up to the minute. Working on the essay in the summer will alleviate stress in the fall and allow them to focus on other important activities. You can’t write the essay, but you can help them brainstorm or be a proofreader. The Common App essay topics list should help start the process.

Help with the scholarship search

It goes without saying that your student needs to spearhead the search for scholarships. But you can help with reminders of deadlines, organizing the applications, and proofreading their final submissions.

Revisit colleges

Odds are your student has already begun to narrow down the college choices. If you’ve visited colleges previously during their junior year, the summer is a good time to make an informal visit of the campuses. Take a look around, get familiar with the services offered and talk to a few students. If the admissions and financial aid offices are open, schedule an appointment and get a jump on the busy fall onslaught of students.

Take a look at the Common App online

While most students won’t complete The Common Application until senior year, it’s a good idea to take a look around and get familiar with the components. The new Common App rollover feature allows students to use the information from one year to the next and, in theory, allows you to begin to work on the Common App as early as freshman year.

Help your student nail down the recommendation list

Make the recommendation letter list before school starts. Once your student sets foot on campus they should hightail it to the teachers and staff who they feel will write the best recommendation letters. These school officials will be bombarded with requests as application deadlines roll around. Asking early will give them more time to write a thoughtful letter without feeling rushed.

Consider hiring a tutor

Even if your student is excelling in studies, you might want to consider hiring a tutor. If they are struggling in a math or science class, tutors offer one-on-one help in a less threatening environment. Tutors can also help improve standardized test scores. They can give your student a head start in their upcoming classes and reinforce what they have learned in the past.

As your summer winds down and school begins in the fall, crossing some of these important to-dos off your massive list of college-related tasks will help you and your student reduce the stress of the college application process.

admissions, college apps, college guidance, college planning, college prep

Surviving the College Application

college applicationYou might not think the college application requires survival skills, but it does. It’s stressful and it’s no surprise the middle name of college-bound teens is “stress”. According to a recent survey, 76 percent of college-bound students say they are stressed. If you live with one, you’re stressed too; and not just you, but your family as well. Granted, there are plenty of reasons to be stressed. And plenty of reasons why it’s impossible to avoid feeling stress (try as you might). Surviving the college application requires tenacity on the parent’s part as well.

Following are 6 stressful college application tasks and how to survive them:

The Grades

Grades mean everything. Your student’s GPA is one of the most important components of the college application (if not THE most important). It’s understandable that your child will stress over receiving B’s instead of A’s on their papers. They know that the college they want to attend looks at grades, classes, and GPA’s carefully before making an offer of admission.

What can you do? Create a positive study environment and don’t add to the pressure. If you see them struggling, get help. Let them know that all you expect from them is they do their best, nothing more.

The College Visits

Any parent who has been on a college visit with their teen will attest to the emotional roller coaster that often ensues. Your child may balk at the thought of getting out of the car, cringe at the fact that his/her parents are there along with them, and freak knowing they have an interview scheduled.

What can you do? Take a chill pill before you head out and remember your child is most likely terrified. This is a huge step for them and emotions are going to play a big part in the visits, even though you might see it as a critical step in the plan. Give them the freedom to express those emotions.

The Standardized Tests

Testing in itself is stressful. But standardized tests are incredibly stressful. It’s a timed test that affects the outcome of offers of admission. Scores are compared with other students and some consider them to be bragging material. They feel a low score means less options for college; a high score opens more doors.

What can you do? Under no circumstances should you nag your student about studying. Help them study. Encourage them to study. Provide tutoring. If the pressure is off, they will do better on the tests. Too much pressure (especially from parents) with students who are stressed already, will affect their ability to focus and relax on test day.

The College Choices

Making decisions is stressful without the added pressure of the impact of this one decision on your child’s future. They may act calm, cool and collected, but they feel the pressure to make the right college choices. The schools they choose will be evaluating them on their merit and overall success academically.

What can you do? Let them make their own choices. Guide but do not put your foot down and tell them they can only attend your alma mater or a college close to home. They need to make the choice themselves because they will be attending the college for the next four years. If they don’t like it, they won’t be happy and stay when struggles come.

The Money

Money concerns always produce mounds of stress. With the economy in disarray, that stress is compounded when families are trying to pay for college. When deciding on college choices, money should always be a factor. If your student knows what you can afford to contribute and what is expected of them, the stress will be minimal. Keep them in the dark and there could be added stress and disappointment when they apply to a school that is not financially doable.

According to The Princeton Review’s 2013 “College Hopes & Worries Survey”—an annual poll of college applicants and parents of applicants—stress levels are up while cost remains a driving factor in college selection. In fact, 79 percent said the state of the economy has affected their decisions about college—up 4 percent from 2012.

What can you do? Make time to talk about money with your child. Hoping your student will get a full ride scholarship is not realistic. You need to plan for the worst (little or no aid) and hope for the best (multiple scholarships and merit aid). If the college choices fall into your family’s ability to pay, when the financial aid award arrives it will be a much more pleasant experience. Especially if lack of money to pay does not affect the final decision.

The Waiting

This is probably the most stressful time in your child’s life, which means it is stressful for the parents as well. One student put it simply:

Because as decision day draws closer, and the (rather strong) possibility of rejection becomes more and more pronounced, I can’t help but think that my process, that my life, is entirely out of my hands. I know it’s irrational — I know that I’m still the one who will make the ultimate decision, that I’m the one who will decide what my future holds. But that’s my point — I’m not rational anymore. I’m just afraid.

What can you do? Celebrate the accomplishment of applying and provide distractions during the months of waiting. Reiterate that you will be proud of them and no matter what the outcome it’s not the end of the world. Rejection is tough on these teens, but strong parent support can help them see that there are always options available and sometimes disappointments turn into blessings.

The ultimate goal is to have a stress free household and to avoid freaking out, thus surviving the application process unscathed. This might be impossible, but keeping the “freaking” to a minimum will help your student reduce their stress. Stay calm and breathe. It will all be over soon.

college planning, college prep, parenting

My 10 Tips for Soon-to-Be College Parents

 

college parentsDuring our student’s senior year of high school we live in a bubble. All sights are set on one goal—getting into college. Students and parents focus on college selection, college applications, financial aid forms, and then we wait. We wait for the offers of admission to come pouring in and then we compare financial aid packages and help them pack their bags for college.

But wait. Is it really that simple? Hardly. Most parents would say it’s anything but simple; it takes work, commitment and perseverance on both parts—parents and students.

Now that your student has graduated, the reality of the truth hits you—your son or daughter is leaving for college. Are they ready? How will they ever survive on their own? How will you survive and cope with the void that’s there when they are gone? Will they be safe? So many questions and concerns are rolling around in your head.

From one parent to another, survival depends on knowing what to expect, what to look for, and how to respond to your student. Here are 10 tips that should help you be effective college parents:

1. Give yourself time to grieve (then move on)

It probably seems like yesterday that you were bringing your baby boy or girl home from the hospital and now they are preparing to go away for college. Although you always knew that this day would come and you are so proud of their accomplishments thus far, if you are really honest with yourself, there is a part of you that is also dreading it.

For this reason, there’s a pretty good chance that you will experience some separation anxiety, not unlike grief, when your child leaves the nest–often called “empty nest” syndrome. It’s normal for most parents and so while it’s nothing to panic over (or feel embarrassed about), you should give yourself some time to grieve and then move on with your life.

2. Don’t give in to fear

Boy how things have changed since we went to school in the 70’s and 80’s. They’ve even changed since my kids went in the 90’s and 2000’s. It’s a scary world out there and you would be crazy not to be anxious when your kids leave your care every day. But don’t let them see it; they need to feel safe and secure at school. Even though we know they are at risk, we have to trust that the teachers, staff, and administration will do their utmost to assure their safety.

3. Stay in touch (in moderation)

Before your son or daughter leaves for college make plans to stay in touch. Schedule time to communicate and discuss how often you need to hear from them. Don’t by like one father who tapped into campus security cameras so he could follow his daughter’s every move. Give them some freedom to socialize, study and explore their surroundings. A text every day, a phone call every week, and face time once a month should be enough to help both of you feel connected.

4. Practice tough love

Don’t rescue them from every difficult situation. You know the term–helicopter parenting. It’s important for them to make messes, get hurt, feel disappointment, and fail at tasks.This helps them develop life skills, achieve happiness, and be successful–the things we so desperately want to give them. Isn’t that what tough love is all about? Love your children so much you set rules, provide clear expectations, and allow them to fail so they can learn.

5. Watch the money 

Money will burn a hole in your kid’s pocket. Before they leave for college have a clear understanding of what you plan to contribute toward living expenses and what you expect him to contribute. Explain the difference between wants and needs. Today’s kids are accustomed to instant gratification; but saving for something teaches them that just because they want something, it doesn’t mean they need it. When they are away at college, this will be the first question they ask themselves before pulling out an easily obtained credit card.

6. Your child is now considered an adult

You may still feel your child is still dependent on you, but the law does not. The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act means that your student will have control over his own academic record, control disclosure of who can access those records, and monitor it for errors if detected. The tuition bill comes to the student online as well as any other student expenses. Ignoring these bills can be not only costly, but affect their status as students.

7. Discuss grade expectations

Enter into an agreement with your student before they leave for school. If they want to have fun and waste time while they’re on campus, focusing on socializing rather than studying, make it clear that they can pay their own way. But if they’re willing to work hard for a degree and maintain a certain GPA, you should definitely do what you can to help them. Now, this is not to say that you shouldn’t give them a little leeway. One bad grade doesn’t necessarily mean they’re slacking – it could just be a particularly hard teacher or class. Tell them you expect to be kept abreast of their grades. Many a parent is shocked when their freshman comes home at winter break and announces they are on academic probation.

8. Beware of the transfer

If you have a high school student thinking about college, be prepared to hear these words after their first few weeks, “I don’t like it here. I want to transfer colleges”. As your heart sinks and a hundred things go through your head, remember that I told you it would happen; and if you read a recent article I wrote, it might help you handle those words without your heart and brain exploding into a million pieces.

In most cases, you should stand your ground—at least until the end of the first year. Tell your student that if he/she still feels the same way at the end of the year you can revisit the option. It’s my experience that most students, later in life, thank their parents for giving them some tough love and not allowing them to transfer.

9. Learn how to listen (and not lecture)

It goes without saying that every parent will receive a homesick phone call at some point during the first semester of college. You must learn to listen and avoid the desire to “fix” things. Most of the time they just need to vent and once they talk things out and hear your voice, they feel better. Resist the urge to drive to college and rescue them—just listen and offer compassion.

10. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean graduation

Did you know that graduation rates differ wildly from school to school? About 400,000 students drop out of college each year. Students who start college but don’t finish are typically no better off than those who never even started, and in some cases might be worse off, if they took on debt. Help your student stay focused on the goal by providing words of encouragement and some of that tough love I mentioned earlier.

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